i've been waiting and--
Her face was smiling like she told it to, but her heart was still beating a million miles a minute and her stomach wasn't feeling quite right either and she thinks that maybe she will fall over or pass out or puke or something because the room was spinning. She hopes that her smile will fool him for now.
“Hey.” oh my gosh, you actually noticed my presence, what do I say now, i've been waiting and “I was thinking about going to dinner.” since it's the one thing I can offer to you that you might not reject and I haven't been eating at all and i'm so sorry for bothering you because “I know you're probably really busy, but do you want to come with me?” I miss you I miss you I miss you
please say yes
She knows before he says anything that the answer is no. Her stomach drops and she feels empty, filled with cold. Her throat closes up and she can't feel her fingers anymore and it's almost like her heart stopped beating except for how much it hurts with every thu-thump thu-thump thu-thump that she's sure will knock her over and give her away. Casually, she runs her fingers through her hair and realizes that she's shaking. She hopes he can't tell, but she shouldn't have worried. He doesn't even look at her anymore, of course he wouldn't see how afraid she is of his answer.
He smiles and it's enough to start her heart racing for a completely different reason and the lightness she feels isn't empty and heavy and dark. Please please please
“I wish I could, but I really have to finish this.”
She is careful not to change her expression, even as he apologizes to her. She keeps the smile on her face and laughs a little, waving her hand. “Definitely, definitely. It's” not “okay, don't worry about it. I know you're really busy, so” i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry “I'll just go now, okay? See you later!”
She closes his door and her eyes screw shut once she hears the heavy sound echoing. Smile, smile, come on, smile, keep smiling, it's okay... Her heart is beating painfully once more and she wishes she could reach into her chest and tear it out, wishes she didn't get her hopes up because he smiled again, wishes that she hadn't knocked on his door in the first place. don't cry don't cry don't cry
She shouldn't have worked up her courage and knocked. She shouldn't have even come down to his floor in the first place, shouldn't have thought about it, shouldn't have stood outside his door for fifteen minutes before tapping on his door, should have left before he opened it.
It's not like he would have gone, anyway. She could count on her fingers the number of times they've spent time together this semester that didn't have to do with studying and other people, and they were all in the first week. Stupid stupid stupid.
She knew she was crying but she didn't pay attention. The tears were nothing new; they happened every time I think of you more often than not these days and usually for the silliest of reasons. She couldn't tell if she was smiling anymore but her heart was still hurting so she probably was. It always hurt more when she lied showed something different on the outside than what she was really feeling.
By the time she walked back to the stairs, she consciously decided not to have dinner. it's day five, maybe tomorrow She was exhausted from trying to appear normal to him, didn't think she could keep up the act in front of other people too. After all, she always gave him her best act. She doesn't want him to worry never about me but maybe I do but you would never notice me crying over you anyway
“Hey.” oh my gosh, you actually noticed my presence, what do I say now, i've been waiting and “I was thinking about going to dinner.” since it's the one thing I can offer to you that you might not reject and I haven't been eating at all and i'm so sorry for bothering you because “I know you're probably really busy, but do you want to come with me?” I miss you I miss you I miss you
please say yes
She knows before he says anything that the answer is no. Her stomach drops and she feels empty, filled with cold. Her throat closes up and she can't feel her fingers anymore and it's almost like her heart stopped beating except for how much it hurts with every thu-thump thu-thump thu-thump that she's sure will knock her over and give her away. Casually, she runs her fingers through her hair and realizes that she's shaking. She hopes he can't tell, but she shouldn't have worried. He doesn't even look at her anymore, of course he wouldn't see how afraid she is of his answer.
He smiles and it's enough to start her heart racing for a completely different reason and the lightness she feels isn't empty and heavy and dark. Please please please
“I wish I could, but I really have to finish this.”
She is careful not to change her expression, even as he apologizes to her. She keeps the smile on her face and laughs a little, waving her hand. “Definitely, definitely. It's” not “okay, don't worry about it. I know you're really busy, so” i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry “I'll just go now, okay? See you later!”
She closes his door and her eyes screw shut once she hears the heavy sound echoing. Smile, smile, come on, smile, keep smiling, it's okay... Her heart is beating painfully once more and she wishes she could reach into her chest and tear it out, wishes she didn't get her hopes up because he smiled again, wishes that she hadn't knocked on his door in the first place. don't cry don't cry don't cry
She shouldn't have worked up her courage and knocked. She shouldn't have even come down to his floor in the first place, shouldn't have thought about it, shouldn't have stood outside his door for fifteen minutes before tapping on his door, should have left before he opened it.
It's not like he would have gone, anyway. She could count on her fingers the number of times they've spent time together this semester that didn't have to do with studying and other people, and they were all in the first week. Stupid stupid stupid.
She knew she was crying but she didn't pay attention. The tears were nothing new; they happened every time I think of you more often than not these days and usually for the silliest of reasons. She couldn't tell if she was smiling anymore but her heart was still hurting so she probably was. It always hurt more when she lied showed something different on the outside than what she was really feeling.
By the time she walked back to the stairs, she consciously decided not to have dinner. it's day five, maybe tomorrow She was exhausted from trying to appear normal to him, didn't think she could keep up the act in front of other people too. After all, she always gave him her best act. She doesn't want him to worry never about me but maybe I do but you would never notice me crying over you anyway