What I Did During My Winter Vacation - Conclusion.
And so my trip came to an end and I returned to Japan.
I think, in a way, this (drawn out) recollection of my trip was a good and necessary thing. It helped me remember a lot that the last few days had obscured. The good bits of the trip, to go along with the bad. Not all of it was the bitter draught that I found myself tasting at the end.
I returned to my small town in Iwate with new clothes, a new bag, a new flute and a whistle. I returned to my small town with omiage, postcards, a bracelet and amulets. I returned to my small town with memories, friends, pains and joys.
I also returned to my small town feeling very alone. I won't lie, being with people for the two weeks of the trip was such an awesome good thing, that it was difficult coming back to a place where I only saw one other person daily, and we don't even talk that much anymore. I missed my other friends, that first evening and the next day with a great great sorrow. At heart, I think, I am a social creature, even though there are times when solitude is what I think I need. Getting to know new people, and perhaps crushing over one or two of them in the process, made me feel so new and alive, that realizing that it would be next to impossible to actually reunite our group in its full capacity was a depressing thought, to say the least. Especially now that I know that several of them will be leaving here in six months... Ahhh life, why do you give with one hand and then take away with the other? Sometimes I wish that I too would be " a rock, an island".
For you who have read to this finale, I offer my thanks. I know that several people have not made it all the way through. It means something to me to know that my words hold some little weight, even if it is only with two or three people.
Things since my return have happened. I went to Tokyo Disneyland, and have watched many movies. I've cooked and cleaned, taught and learned. And now I feel my feet itching again. For all its faults, I think, travel still has its hold on me. I have no roots, not yet, and part of me hopes that it will be many years yet, before they finally begin to sink into some small plot of earth.
I do not know, anymore, what it is to be living in this world, why it happens or if there is a purpose to it. I do not know, I cannot know I think, if I will ever have the certainty to answer those questions either. The hard things in life fade with time, just as the joyous ones do. But these words, at least will help anchor these memories so that I do not forget, someday, of the warmth of the sun, or the blue of the ocean. The frenzied dance or the quiet afternoons in Thailand. The love of people, and the fear and horror at what humanity is capable of. The ruins of the ancient world, and the ruins of the modern one. Myself and the ones I loved during this two weeks of winter vacation.