(no subject)
I can't move.
Today, I find myself unwilling to really do much of anything.
I'm sitting here.
I'm living.
But really...I'm merely existing. Taking up space something else could use - like a parking structure. If you added up my entire life's worth of space taken up from birth to eventual death, I bet it'd be a parking structure worth. Well, unless I die tomorrow. Then perhaps it'd be something smaller, like a Denny's. I hope it'd be "the good Denny's".
Maybe I'm stuck waiting in line for something.
Have I a ticket in my hand I can't seem to see?
I looking for a reason to do nothing but I can't seem to find any reasons at all.
Is this what "lonely" is?
Am I truly this lonely this fast?
Perhaps I am a *little* co-dependent, but that is life for me. Definition through connection, connection through interaction, interaction through existing side by side rather than sitting here alone.
How alone am I really, though?
Tomorrow I will do ultimate frisbee. I will make new friends, play a game I will probably suck at but no one will mind, and get some much needed much loved much breathed in deep straight to the lungs fresh air.
Yesterday I went to larp. I spoke and was spoken to. I was looking worthy of having four dots in striking looks.
The night before I was surrounded by hundreds of people watching my idols, laughing and cheering with hundreds of others. Experiencing and existing in the same space, sharing some time, connecting through a distance much shorter than usual. It was lovely. Dare I say divine?
O. There was sex in there to, somewhere.
Tonight I will go to a club and I will DANCE with my friends, I will DRINK with my friends.
So where is this loneliness truly coming from? I'm apparently not lonely, not by any true definition. Loneliness is locked in a basement eating nothing but pancakes and pizzas and anything else that can slide under the door so your parents don't have to look at you. Is it a boyfriend? Is that what I want? Nah. If I wanted one, I could have one. I'm for once in my life being picky, choosing singledom until an available guy sparks an interest with me. Maybe I feel lonely because this is Grand Rapids and I inevitably need more sun.
The hours are passing and I feel like time, ticking by, only there when you notice me.
Today, I find myself unwilling to really do much of anything.
I'm sitting here.
I'm living.
But really...I'm merely existing. Taking up space something else could use - like a parking structure. If you added up my entire life's worth of space taken up from birth to eventual death, I bet it'd be a parking structure worth. Well, unless I die tomorrow. Then perhaps it'd be something smaller, like a Denny's. I hope it'd be "the good Denny's".
Maybe I'm stuck waiting in line for something.
Have I a ticket in my hand I can't seem to see?
I looking for a reason to do nothing but I can't seem to find any reasons at all.
Is this what "lonely" is?
Am I truly this lonely this fast?
Perhaps I am a *little* co-dependent, but that is life for me. Definition through connection, connection through interaction, interaction through existing side by side rather than sitting here alone.
How alone am I really, though?
Tomorrow I will do ultimate frisbee. I will make new friends, play a game I will probably suck at but no one will mind, and get some much needed much loved much breathed in deep straight to the lungs fresh air.
Yesterday I went to larp. I spoke and was spoken to. I was looking worthy of having four dots in striking looks.
The night before I was surrounded by hundreds of people watching my idols, laughing and cheering with hundreds of others. Experiencing and existing in the same space, sharing some time, connecting through a distance much shorter than usual. It was lovely. Dare I say divine?
O. There was sex in there to, somewhere.
Tonight I will go to a club and I will DANCE with my friends, I will DRINK with my friends.
So where is this loneliness truly coming from? I'm apparently not lonely, not by any true definition. Loneliness is locked in a basement eating nothing but pancakes and pizzas and anything else that can slide under the door so your parents don't have to look at you. Is it a boyfriend? Is that what I want? Nah. If I wanted one, I could have one. I'm for once in my life being picky, choosing singledom until an available guy sparks an interest with me. Maybe I feel lonely because this is Grand Rapids and I inevitably need more sun.
The hours are passing and I feel like time, ticking by, only there when you notice me.