The Greatest Movie Meme (Ever!) (1 of 5)
Empire has its '500 greatest movies of all time' in its latest issue, and I thought - I'm an avid cinema-goer and video/DVD-renter, I've seen my fair share of art flicks. So how many of these have I actually seen? Hmmm. OK, yes, it will involve typing out all the bloody titles. OTOH, time-wastage, yay! And it's a public service for anyone who wants to do the same thing. Of course, simply typing out 500 titles would be dull. Hence the commentary. Yes. Think of it as the ultimate movie-meme.
All those I've seen are in bold.
Empire's 500 Greatest Movies Of All Time (Part 1: 500-401)
500. Ocean's 11 - thought this was ok. I don't know, everyone else was frothing about it, and the slash fic immediately emerged, but I liked the 'heist' part of it and found the rest forgettable.
499. Saw - will not see this, not in a million years, never oh Lord absolutely never. Ever,
498. Back to the future part II - I must have seen this, right? Probably when it was on TV those billion squillion times. I remember the hover-skateboard.
497. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon - I love the cinematography of this movie. Also, the score is fully loaded on my iPod.
496. Superman Returns - I own it, but only because I'm a completist. I actualyl thought this was rather dull. Whoever it was who played Superman was boring, Lois Lane was tragically miscast, and Kevin Spacey should be seriously punished for what he did to Luthor.
495. Jailhouse Rock - Saw this years ago and love it still.
494. Sideways
493. In the Company of Men - I haven't sene this but having read Enpire's review of it, I now want to, if only for the Neil LaBute direction. I saw one of LaBute's plays when it was showing at the Donmar several years ago, and I thought him cracking them. Oddly, I've never seen any of his movies and this one's supposed to be the best of the lot.
492. Amores Perros
491. Ben-Hur - again with the constantly-on-TV. Also, my dad really likes this movie.
490. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street - everyone either loved this or hated it. Er, I found it ok. I wasn't a fan of the blood which, ok, vaguely horror-movie, but - Sleepy Hollow had beheadings, and it wasn't nearly as bloody, so I wasn't expecting that amount of schlock.
489. Brick - I own this, but have yet to watch it.
488. Princess Mononoke - oh, I remember this, it was the environmental one, wasn't it? Or am I thinking of Nausicaa? Anyway, I saw it with athena25 , so I must have seen it, even if I can't remember which one it was.
487. Superbad
486. Breakfast at Tiffany's - I love this movie. It's my instant feel-good film.
485. The Wicker Man - I refuse to see the remake, only the original is valid, of course. Oh, Lord, how I love the original. I remember watching it as a student being scared out of my wits. Of course, I was a student in Edinburgh, and instantly wanted to go on a daytrip to this island... this was possibly because I was scared out of my wits. Plus, Christopher Lee. There is no bad here.
484. The Fountain
483. The Big Red One
482. Scream - I don't care what people say, I like Scream. Possibly also the sequels, although I can't really remember them. But this is just the right level of 'scare' for me - with a big dollop of satire - and it has Neve Campbell, who I had a ginormous crush on at the time.
481. Topsy-Turvy - oh, the Gilbert & Sullivan of it all.
480. The Son's Room
479. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
478. Flesh
477. Rebel Without A Cause
476. Santa Sangre - translation: Holy Blood, otherwise known as THAT FUCK-SCARY MOVIE THAT LEFT ME IN A FETAL POSITION WHIMPERING FOR MY MOTHER. Yes, it's the one with the chopped-off limbs. And the fucking chickens. And the bloody evil circus midgets and mute mime prostitutes, Christ, whose good idea was that?? Did I mention the eating of the live fish? Perhaps I should. The video cover of this was an Artificial Eye film one, with a man standing cruciform amidst flocks of white birds, feathers flying. So, friend E and I thought that it was your standard arthouse movie, maybe heavy on the religious allegory. Instead, we had such shit-yourself terror that we were practically catatonic afterwards. I couldn't sleep for weeks. How old was I? 21.
475. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest - I liked this movie. Which doesn't excuse the travesty of 'World's End'.
474. Enter the Dragon - my brother and I used to watch this back in BUlgaria, when he was a wee nipper.
473. Into the Wild
472. Le Doulos
471. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - my favourite of the Potter movies. Mainly because I love Cuaron and would have his babies in a heartbeat. Plus, wizard in the Leaky Cauldron reading A Brief History of Time while stirring his hot chocolate with magic. It makes me happy in all the right ways. And Gary Oldman is smashing as Sirius Black. (Why oh why didn't Tim Roth ditch Planet of the Apes and do Harry Potter instead??? The RPS would have written itself, has everyone seen those photos of him & Gary Oldman writing filthy things to each other on bits of their bodies? Yeah, those ones. Plus, Rosencrantz & Goldensternreunion FTW!!).
470.Glengarry Glen Ross
469. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
468. The Crow - I love this movie, even though the Brandon Lee thing creeps me out.
467. The Deer Hunter
466. Snatch - Oooh, I like this one too, more than Lock, Stock, even. It's funnier, I could connect to the characters more, and it had Brad Pitt in a fab role for him.
465. 12 Monkeys - I don't understand this movie. Did he cause it? Or was it something else entirely? Anyone who understood it, please explain.
464. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
463. Juno - I really should see this.
462. Dean Man's Shoes
461. Halloween
460. Crash (2004 film, not the James Spader one. Not that I've seen either.)
459. Ikiru
458. Batman - I love the Gotham in this. Still my favourite version, I think, but then, I love Tim Burton's landscapes.
457. Full Metal Jacket
456. 28 Days Later - I went to see this at the preview a few months before it came out with friend P. By the end, I was practically crawling into my popcorn tub to hide, and P had scars all down his arm in little crescent shapes, where I latched on and refused to let go until the movie was over.
455. Top Gun - 80s homoeroticism, yay! I hear there's talk to remake this. Pls, Hollywood, don't make me smack you. How can you top Val Kilmer and Tom Cruise making eyes at each other while Danger Zone blares out in the background?
454. The Bourne Supremacy - I have yet to see any of the Bourne movies. I suspect that I may have seen the first one, but probably accidentally, as I don't remember a thing.
453. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - why is this even on here? C'mon. I love Indy as much as the next rabid fangirl, but it was BAD. Bad in a good way, but still bad.
452. Unbreakable
451. Speed - Oh, indulgence! Totally. Keanue Reeves in a role where he didn't suck. Amazing.
450. King Kong - beautiful, yet somehow soulless.
449. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace - I went to see this because my brother made me, damn him. I was never a Star Wars person, and was even less so after this. Jar Jar Binks, indeed.
448. A History of Violence - I wasn't moved by this in the least.
447. Ten
446. High Fidelity - Oh, I thought it was better than the book! Am I supposed to admit that? Maybe it's 'cause John Cusack makes me happy. Even CZJ wasn't crap in it.
445. Dumb and Dumber
444. Hairspray - I've seen the musical, but not the film.
443. Dog Day Afternoon
442. Atonement - I should see this, shouldn't I?
441. Being John Malkovich - broke. my brain. Malkovich? Malkovich.
440. Akira - see above re: brain-broke. My brother loves this movie, yet he doesn't own his very own special-edition shiny DVD set. I suspect an Xmas present in the offing...
439. Grosse Pointe Blank - I love John Cusack. There, I said it. "Psychopaths kill people for no reason, I kill people for money, that came out wrong..."
438. The Lost Boys - *g* Who hasn't seen this? C'mon. Unfortunately I don't own it, otherwise I'd totally sign up for it for yuletide .
437. Spider-Man - I found it dull. Sorry, Tobey Maguire does nothing for me, and not even Kristen Dunst could tempt me to the sequels.
436. Beauty and the Beast - I know, I had a deprived childhood. Communism, you know.
435. American Psycho - Far too many women of my acquaintance find Patrick Bateman attractive. (Interesting thing that made me laugh: maybe it was a misprint, but one of the women Bateman goes to dinner with kept calling him 'Batman'. Maybe a misprint, maybe she was drunk, maybe it was a joke. I found it hysterical.)
434. The Cat Concerto
433. Good Will Hunting - I don't care if it's cheesy, I love this movie. Proof that Affleck and Damon are not idiots. Also love Robin Williams in it. All too often he either plays stupid roles, or creepy serial killer-type roles. Except in Dead Poet's Society, which I haven't seen and should.
432. X-Men 2 - fine, but not as good as the first, I thought.
431. Electra Glide In Blue
430. Big Trouble in Little China - why is this on here? OK, it's genius and wonderful and hysterical and my brother and I watched it on a loop as kids and he loves it so much I had to go and buy it for him and I have never seen him look so happy, BUT. It's trash, basically. Glorious, painted, pointed trash, but trash nonetheless. Extra credit for Kim Catrall as a dragon lady, or whatever it is she's meant to be.
429. Danger: Diabolik
428. The Enigma of Kaspar Hauser
427. Spring in a Small Town
426. Enduring Love
425. Wonder Boys
424. To Have and Have Not
423. Kill Bill Vol. 2 - IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ONE FILM. And missing all that nonsense Bill Caradine spouted.
422. A Man Escaped
421. Lethal Weapon - The original and still the best. Back when Mel Gibson wasn't a douchebag, or was at least hiding it better.
420. Jerry Maguire - again with the cheesy, but I do like this movie.
419. Days of Heaven
418. V for Vendetta - the best adaptation of a Moore book. Yes, I'm still waiting on Watchmen, no, I don't dare raise my hopes or expectations that it won't be another LXG. Plus, Natalie Portman. I love Natalie Portman.
417. Lords of Dogtown
416. Bad Taste
415. Dawn of the Dead
414. The Double Life of Veronique
413. Finding Nemo - according to everyone of my acquaintance, I am, in fact, Dory. Hmpf.
412. Heathers - I've only seen bits of this, I really would like to see the whole thing all the way through.
411. Spider-Man 2 - See above re: how dull I found the first one.
410. A Hard Day's Night
409. Men In Black - I love this movie! I love the movie, I tolerated the sequel, I loved the awesome fanfic that followed. It makes me happy. As does Tommy Lee Jones. FACT.
408. Zelig
407. The Jungle Book
406. Iron Man - RDJ in suits. Nothing wrong with that. I really liked this adaptation, I thought it was great in that it didn't take itself too seriously, but still managed to be about this world, rather than an imaginary one. Yeah, the new Batman franchise is supposed to be 'gritty' and 'realistic', but that Gotham isn't real, there's nothing like it all, where as Iron Man somehow seems be a little bit better at bringing the grit along with the glitz. Weirdly.
405. Dirty Dancing - Every girl has seen this. Yes, I love it.
404. RoboCop - saw this on TV with my brother. I remember being quite pleased with it, although my brother wanted more explosions. Was there a lack of explosions in this movie, do people know?
403. Do The Right Thing
402. Little Miss Sunshine
401. Batman Returns - freaking Penguin. Ick. But Catwoman! That was a very confusing time for me.
That's... 47/100. Stay tuned for more time-wasting endeavours some other day.
All those I've seen are in bold.
Empire's 500 Greatest Movies Of All Time (Part 1: 500-401)
500. Ocean's 11 - thought this was ok. I don't know, everyone else was frothing about it, and the slash fic immediately emerged, but I liked the 'heist' part of it and found the rest forgettable.
499. Saw - will not see this, not in a million years, never oh Lord absolutely never. Ever,
498. Back to the future part II - I must have seen this, right? Probably when it was on TV those billion squillion times. I remember the hover-skateboard.
497. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon - I love the cinematography of this movie. Also, the score is fully loaded on my iPod.
496. Superman Returns - I own it, but only because I'm a completist. I actualyl thought this was rather dull. Whoever it was who played Superman was boring, Lois Lane was tragically miscast, and Kevin Spacey should be seriously punished for what he did to Luthor.
495. Jailhouse Rock - Saw this years ago and love it still.
494. Sideways
493. In the Company of Men - I haven't sene this but having read Enpire's review of it, I now want to, if only for the Neil LaBute direction. I saw one of LaBute's plays when it was showing at the Donmar several years ago, and I thought him cracking them. Oddly, I've never seen any of his movies and this one's supposed to be the best of the lot.
492. Amores Perros
491. Ben-Hur - again with the constantly-on-TV. Also, my dad really likes this movie.
490. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street - everyone either loved this or hated it. Er, I found it ok. I wasn't a fan of the blood which, ok, vaguely horror-movie, but - Sleepy Hollow had beheadings, and it wasn't nearly as bloody, so I wasn't expecting that amount of schlock.
489. Brick - I own this, but have yet to watch it.
488. Princess Mononoke - oh, I remember this, it was the environmental one, wasn't it? Or am I thinking of Nausicaa? Anyway, I saw it with athena25 , so I must have seen it, even if I can't remember which one it was.
487. Superbad
486. Breakfast at Tiffany's - I love this movie. It's my instant feel-good film.
485. The Wicker Man - I refuse to see the remake, only the original is valid, of course. Oh, Lord, how I love the original. I remember watching it as a student being scared out of my wits. Of course, I was a student in Edinburgh, and instantly wanted to go on a daytrip to this island... this was possibly because I was scared out of my wits. Plus, Christopher Lee. There is no bad here.
484. The Fountain
483. The Big Red One
482. Scream - I don't care what people say, I like Scream. Possibly also the sequels, although I can't really remember them. But this is just the right level of 'scare' for me - with a big dollop of satire - and it has Neve Campbell, who I had a ginormous crush on at the time.
481. Topsy-Turvy - oh, the Gilbert & Sullivan of it all.
480. The Son's Room
479. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
478. Flesh
477. Rebel Without A Cause
476. Santa Sangre - translation: Holy Blood, otherwise known as THAT FUCK-SCARY MOVIE THAT LEFT ME IN A FETAL POSITION WHIMPERING FOR MY MOTHER. Yes, it's the one with the chopped-off limbs. And the fucking chickens. And the bloody evil circus midgets and mute mime prostitutes, Christ, whose good idea was that?? Did I mention the eating of the live fish? Perhaps I should. The video cover of this was an Artificial Eye film one, with a man standing cruciform amidst flocks of white birds, feathers flying. So, friend E and I thought that it was your standard arthouse movie, maybe heavy on the religious allegory. Instead, we had such shit-yourself terror that we were practically catatonic afterwards. I couldn't sleep for weeks. How old was I? 21.
475. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest - I liked this movie. Which doesn't excuse the travesty of 'World's End'.
474. Enter the Dragon - my brother and I used to watch this back in BUlgaria, when he was a wee nipper.
473. Into the Wild
472. Le Doulos
471. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - my favourite of the Potter movies. Mainly because I love Cuaron and would have his babies in a heartbeat. Plus, wizard in the Leaky Cauldron reading A Brief History of Time while stirring his hot chocolate with magic. It makes me happy in all the right ways. And Gary Oldman is smashing as Sirius Black. (Why oh why didn't Tim Roth ditch Planet of the Apes and do Harry Potter instead??? The RPS would have written itself, has everyone seen those photos of him & Gary Oldman writing filthy things to each other on bits of their bodies? Yeah, those ones. Plus, Rosencrantz & Goldensternreunion FTW!!).
470.Glengarry Glen Ross
469. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
468. The Crow - I love this movie, even though the Brandon Lee thing creeps me out.
467. The Deer Hunter
466. Snatch - Oooh, I like this one too, more than Lock, Stock, even. It's funnier, I could connect to the characters more, and it had Brad Pitt in a fab role for him.
465. 12 Monkeys - I don't understand this movie. Did he cause it? Or was it something else entirely? Anyone who understood it, please explain.
464. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
463. Juno - I really should see this.
462. Dean Man's Shoes
461. Halloween
460. Crash (2004 film, not the James Spader one. Not that I've seen either.)
459. Ikiru
458. Batman - I love the Gotham in this. Still my favourite version, I think, but then, I love Tim Burton's landscapes.
457. Full Metal Jacket
456. 28 Days Later - I went to see this at the preview a few months before it came out with friend P. By the end, I was practically crawling into my popcorn tub to hide, and P had scars all down his arm in little crescent shapes, where I latched on and refused to let go until the movie was over.
455. Top Gun - 80s homoeroticism, yay! I hear there's talk to remake this. Pls, Hollywood, don't make me smack you. How can you top Val Kilmer and Tom Cruise making eyes at each other while Danger Zone blares out in the background?
454. The Bourne Supremacy - I have yet to see any of the Bourne movies. I suspect that I may have seen the first one, but probably accidentally, as I don't remember a thing.
453. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - why is this even on here? C'mon. I love Indy as much as the next rabid fangirl, but it was BAD. Bad in a good way, but still bad.
452. Unbreakable
451. Speed - Oh, indulgence! Totally. Keanue Reeves in a role where he didn't suck. Amazing.
450. King Kong - beautiful, yet somehow soulless.
449. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace - I went to see this because my brother made me, damn him. I was never a Star Wars person, and was even less so after this. Jar Jar Binks, indeed.
448. A History of Violence - I wasn't moved by this in the least.
447. Ten
446. High Fidelity - Oh, I thought it was better than the book! Am I supposed to admit that? Maybe it's 'cause John Cusack makes me happy. Even CZJ wasn't crap in it.
445. Dumb and Dumber
444. Hairspray - I've seen the musical, but not the film.
443. Dog Day Afternoon
442. Atonement - I should see this, shouldn't I?
441. Being John Malkovich - broke. my brain. Malkovich? Malkovich.
440. Akira - see above re: brain-broke. My brother loves this movie, yet he doesn't own his very own special-edition shiny DVD set. I suspect an Xmas present in the offing...
439. Grosse Pointe Blank - I love John Cusack. There, I said it. "Psychopaths kill people for no reason, I kill people for money, that came out wrong..."
438. The Lost Boys - *g* Who hasn't seen this? C'mon. Unfortunately I don't own it, otherwise I'd totally sign up for it for yuletide .
437. Spider-Man - I found it dull. Sorry, Tobey Maguire does nothing for me, and not even Kristen Dunst could tempt me to the sequels.
436. Beauty and the Beast - I know, I had a deprived childhood. Communism, you know.
435. American Psycho - Far too many women of my acquaintance find Patrick Bateman attractive. (Interesting thing that made me laugh: maybe it was a misprint, but one of the women Bateman goes to dinner with kept calling him 'Batman'. Maybe a misprint, maybe she was drunk, maybe it was a joke. I found it hysterical.)
434. The Cat Concerto
433. Good Will Hunting - I don't care if it's cheesy, I love this movie. Proof that Affleck and Damon are not idiots. Also love Robin Williams in it. All too often he either plays stupid roles, or creepy serial killer-type roles. Except in Dead Poet's Society, which I haven't seen and should.
432. X-Men 2 - fine, but not as good as the first, I thought.
431. Electra Glide In Blue
430. Big Trouble in Little China - why is this on here? OK, it's genius and wonderful and hysterical and my brother and I watched it on a loop as kids and he loves it so much I had to go and buy it for him and I have never seen him look so happy, BUT. It's trash, basically. Glorious, painted, pointed trash, but trash nonetheless. Extra credit for Kim Catrall as a dragon lady, or whatever it is she's meant to be.
429. Danger: Diabolik
428. The Enigma of Kaspar Hauser
427. Spring in a Small Town
426. Enduring Love
425. Wonder Boys
424. To Have and Have Not
423. Kill Bill Vol. 2 - IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ONE FILM. And missing all that nonsense Bill Caradine spouted.
422. A Man Escaped
421. Lethal Weapon - The original and still the best. Back when Mel Gibson wasn't a douchebag, or was at least hiding it better.
420. Jerry Maguire - again with the cheesy, but I do like this movie.
419. Days of Heaven
418. V for Vendetta - the best adaptation of a Moore book. Yes, I'm still waiting on Watchmen, no, I don't dare raise my hopes or expectations that it won't be another LXG. Plus, Natalie Portman. I love Natalie Portman.
417. Lords of Dogtown
416. Bad Taste
415. Dawn of the Dead
414. The Double Life of Veronique
413. Finding Nemo - according to everyone of my acquaintance, I am, in fact, Dory. Hmpf.
412. Heathers - I've only seen bits of this, I really would like to see the whole thing all the way through.
411. Spider-Man 2 - See above re: how dull I found the first one.
410. A Hard Day's Night
409. Men In Black - I love this movie! I love the movie, I tolerated the sequel, I loved the awesome fanfic that followed. It makes me happy. As does Tommy Lee Jones. FACT.
408. Zelig
407. The Jungle Book
406. Iron Man - RDJ in suits. Nothing wrong with that. I really liked this adaptation, I thought it was great in that it didn't take itself too seriously, but still managed to be about this world, rather than an imaginary one. Yeah, the new Batman franchise is supposed to be 'gritty' and 'realistic', but that Gotham isn't real, there's nothing like it all, where as Iron Man somehow seems be a little bit better at bringing the grit along with the glitz. Weirdly.
405. Dirty Dancing - Every girl has seen this. Yes, I love it.
404. RoboCop - saw this on TV with my brother. I remember being quite pleased with it, although my brother wanted more explosions. Was there a lack of explosions in this movie, do people know?
403. Do The Right Thing
402. Little Miss Sunshine
401. Batman Returns - freaking Penguin. Ick. But Catwoman! That was a very confusing time for me.
That's... 47/100. Stay tuned for more time-wasting endeavours some other day.