Coupling Fic: Context (1/1)
Title: Context
Fandom: Coupling (UK)
Summary: Jeff to the rescue! Accidental Jeff/Steve (because, yes.) and Steve/Susan. Set during S4. 100fandoms prompt #98 'laughing'.
I'm a bit dubious about this one, but, well, anyway -
***
It was all Susan's fault, whatever she said. She'd been angry about something completely unreasonable - all right, one bunch of flowers, and, yes, they were a day late, but she still had the bunch of flowers and he'd still remembered during the anniversary (only just, mind you, but 11.55pm still counted as the correct day), and there wasn't anything open then, and -
Well, she was being unreasonable, was the long and short of it. Jeff completely agreed.
With Susan.
"I can't believe you're taking her side!"
"I'm not taking her side! I'm just being a best buddy, here, stopping you from falling into the 'accidentally gay' trap."
Really, Jeff made even less sense when he was out of the country. "What?"
"Well, it's like porn, isn't it?"
"My anniversary is like porn." Somehow, it didn't come out as a question.
"No, no - well, yes. It's all about the context, isn't it? Roses in the context of the anniversary day are lovely and sweet and won't end up with you sleeping on the sofa."
"But it was the anniversary day!"
"Aaah, no, there was a whole point during which Susan was asleep, and it stopped being the 'anniversary day', and started being -"
"The post-anniversary day?"
"The 'Steve's sleeping on the sofa' day."
Steve pinched the bridge of his nose and slumped further into the cushions. He vaguely missed Patrick's silence during these conversations - true, there wasn't a whole lot more to the conversation, but someone the lack of someone else being present meant that all of Jeff's Jeff-ness was directed solely at him. "What does this have to do with porn?"
"Ah! Well, it's obvious, isn't it? The flowers are the porn -"
"Right -"
"And the anniversary is your couch."
"My what?"
"Well, see, watching porn with me sitting on your couch is fine."
Steve wasn't too sure about that, actually, but given that it had gone on for the best part of two decades, it seemed a little late to do anything about it. "Right."
"But watching porn with me on the phone is not."
"It's not?"
"No, you see - ha, this is the clever bit -"
Steve could feel a headache coming on it. "Yes?"
"Being on the phone makes it accidentally gay!"
"I'm hanging up now."
"No! Wait! I had a point!"
"Are you sure, Jeff? Are you sure it's an actual point and not an imaginary point of accidental gayness in your head?"
Jeff was laughing down the phone. "It's context. You have to give her the flowers before she goes to bed. Otherwise it's an accidental insult, and you have to sleep on the couch." He couldn't stop giggling. "And you have to watch Lesbian Spank Inferno, right now."
And, as if on cue, the headache blossomed. "Why?"
Jeff's giggles grew even more breathless and high-pitched, and for a brief moment, Steve suspected helium. "Because I am! It'll be an experiment! To prove me right!"
"About the -"
"Exactly!"
Steve considered hanging up for a few moments, listening to Jeff giggle inanely in his own little world, evidently populated by lesbians, roses and accidental gayness. Still... It wasn't as if he'd have to change the videotape, or anything.
He turned on the TV.
And a few disturbing minutes later discovered that, as with so many strange and odd things, Jeff was completely right.
*
fin
I spent last night & today with a horrible, horrible migraine. Owie.
Fandom: Coupling (UK)
Summary: Jeff to the rescue! Accidental Jeff/Steve (because, yes.) and Steve/Susan. Set during S4. 100fandoms prompt #98 'laughing'.
I'm a bit dubious about this one, but, well, anyway -
***
It was all Susan's fault, whatever she said. She'd been angry about something completely unreasonable - all right, one bunch of flowers, and, yes, they were a day late, but she still had the bunch of flowers and he'd still remembered during the anniversary (only just, mind you, but 11.55pm still counted as the correct day), and there wasn't anything open then, and -
Well, she was being unreasonable, was the long and short of it. Jeff completely agreed.
With Susan.
"I can't believe you're taking her side!"
"I'm not taking her side! I'm just being a best buddy, here, stopping you from falling into the 'accidentally gay' trap."
Really, Jeff made even less sense when he was out of the country. "What?"
"Well, it's like porn, isn't it?"
"My anniversary is like porn." Somehow, it didn't come out as a question.
"No, no - well, yes. It's all about the context, isn't it? Roses in the context of the anniversary day are lovely and sweet and won't end up with you sleeping on the sofa."
"But it was the anniversary day!"
"Aaah, no, there was a whole point during which Susan was asleep, and it stopped being the 'anniversary day', and started being -"
"The post-anniversary day?"
"The 'Steve's sleeping on the sofa' day."
Steve pinched the bridge of his nose and slumped further into the cushions. He vaguely missed Patrick's silence during these conversations - true, there wasn't a whole lot more to the conversation, but someone the lack of someone else being present meant that all of Jeff's Jeff-ness was directed solely at him. "What does this have to do with porn?"
"Ah! Well, it's obvious, isn't it? The flowers are the porn -"
"Right -"
"And the anniversary is your couch."
"My what?"
"Well, see, watching porn with me sitting on your couch is fine."
Steve wasn't too sure about that, actually, but given that it had gone on for the best part of two decades, it seemed a little late to do anything about it. "Right."
"But watching porn with me on the phone is not."
"It's not?"
"No, you see - ha, this is the clever bit -"
Steve could feel a headache coming on it. "Yes?"
"Being on the phone makes it accidentally gay!"
"I'm hanging up now."
"No! Wait! I had a point!"
"Are you sure, Jeff? Are you sure it's an actual point and not an imaginary point of accidental gayness in your head?"
Jeff was laughing down the phone. "It's context. You have to give her the flowers before she goes to bed. Otherwise it's an accidental insult, and you have to sleep on the couch." He couldn't stop giggling. "And you have to watch Lesbian Spank Inferno, right now."
And, as if on cue, the headache blossomed. "Why?"
Jeff's giggles grew even more breathless and high-pitched, and for a brief moment, Steve suspected helium. "Because I am! It'll be an experiment! To prove me right!"
"About the -"
"Exactly!"
Steve considered hanging up for a few moments, listening to Jeff giggle inanely in his own little world, evidently populated by lesbians, roses and accidental gayness. Still... It wasn't as if he'd have to change the videotape, or anything.
He turned on the TV.
And a few disturbing minutes later discovered that, as with so many strange and odd things, Jeff was completely right.
*
fin
I spent last night & today with a horrible, horrible migraine. Owie.