To Write Love On Her Arms
Tomorrow is National Survivors of Suicide Day and reading To Write Love on Her Arms blog, just made me reliaze just how short life is. You cannot dwel on the past, or live with regrets. You can not hold grudges, because what if the one person you wanted to be with, the one person you wanted to say the simple words "I'm sorry' or 'I love you' is suddenly gone tomorrow? This regret would live with you forever. Life is too short to tread carefully around the cliffs, life is too short to go the longer, but easier path. Once in your life you must take the shorter, more dangerous path. Once in your life you have to forgive someone that has either hurt you or someone else in your life. Life is too short to go on living in anger, trust and respect that those that have hurt the ones you love that they have changed. Know that not everyone turns out the same, know that the ones you love have good intentions with where they are coming from. What if the one that broke her heart before has really changed? and that the only way she is happy, is when he is in her life?
Suicide happens too much in this lifetime, just trust and respect others. I was laying in bed, trying to nap, and all these thoughts came rushing at me. Life is too short to regret everything I've done, I said yes to the one person I do want to spend the rest of my life with, as of right now, and that person is now out of my life. And slowly, oh so slowly is he coming back in. In December I took the short and dangerous journey, I leaped too soon, without thinking, blinded by love, I said yes, and accepted the one gift that made me the happiest person on earth. I couldn't breathe, still to this day, I can hear the words and remember the smells, and still to this day it brings a smile to my face because on that day, I knew that someone loved me enough to put up with all my faults, and I knew I did not have to hide my true self from this person. He was the one that understood everything that was going on in my life, and he understood me, better than myself. And now, now my life feels messed up, distorted, I feel unwelcome in places. I enter a room, and I am alone, I will never have him by myside again. I think that's why I'm so unhappy up here, things need to be fixed before I can focus fully on myself. Thats why, for the first time in my life, I want to quit at something I've always wanted to do. And for the first time in my life, I feel messed up, I feel like I did, back when I couldn't take things anymore. I need to take the longer, less dangerous path this time. And I just want people to trust that I am making the right decision, and if I'm not, let me make my mistakes, let me learn the hard way. Because for once, I believe him, I fully believe him. And I trust him again.
Thinking about this today, I reliaze what I want to do with my life. I want to help others with depression, I need to. Maybe it's because I never went for help when I was involved in this. I never told anyone, except him. He was the only one that understood, he wasn't there for my past, but he's there for my future. He's the light at the end of the tunnel I've been living in. I've become too good at pretending to be happy, I want to be happy. But I want to help others in over coming this fear, and I want to help others believe that they can get through this on thier own. I can't, I've come too far with him, I wouldn't know what to do. I'm not strong enough to be on my own yet, just give me more time, and I swear I'll be stronger then I am now. I just want people to trust me, and to let me be enough to get my life back together. Because not being with him is the hardest thing that I have had to grow through. And I've done a lot of things that I have regretted since him. And I have lost a lot of friends due to those. But I'm moving on, those things have made me stronger, the things that I have done, they have helped me reliaze that I can be stronger than I thought. I just need him by myside for a little while. Just let me have that, and I'll do anything. I'll do anything for you.
Please. Life is too short to limit things. Life is too short to hold grudges. And life is too short to die alone. Just tell the ones you love, that you truely love them. Tell them how much you appreciate them in your life, how much you want to be close with them. Let them know they have a significance in your life, and let them know they are still welcomed. Because the feeling of not being welcomed, is the worst feeling in the world. Tomorrow, sit down and think about how much support you have in your life, think about how many people love you, think about the support system that you have around you. And think about not having those people in your life. Life would be different, life would crash and burn. Make some calls tomorrow, just to say "Hi", because just saying that can make someones day, just to call to say 'Hi' will let someone know that you still care. Let the ones you love know you still care. No Regrets, don't be afraid of the cliffs, and take a short, dangerous path every once in awhile. It will be worth it in the end.
Wake up, you're alive. We're on your side. TWLOHA<3
Suicide happens too much in this lifetime, just trust and respect others. I was laying in bed, trying to nap, and all these thoughts came rushing at me. Life is too short to regret everything I've done, I said yes to the one person I do want to spend the rest of my life with, as of right now, and that person is now out of my life. And slowly, oh so slowly is he coming back in. In December I took the short and dangerous journey, I leaped too soon, without thinking, blinded by love, I said yes, and accepted the one gift that made me the happiest person on earth. I couldn't breathe, still to this day, I can hear the words and remember the smells, and still to this day it brings a smile to my face because on that day, I knew that someone loved me enough to put up with all my faults, and I knew I did not have to hide my true self from this person. He was the one that understood everything that was going on in my life, and he understood me, better than myself. And now, now my life feels messed up, distorted, I feel unwelcome in places. I enter a room, and I am alone, I will never have him by myside again. I think that's why I'm so unhappy up here, things need to be fixed before I can focus fully on myself. Thats why, for the first time in my life, I want to quit at something I've always wanted to do. And for the first time in my life, I feel messed up, I feel like I did, back when I couldn't take things anymore. I need to take the longer, less dangerous path this time. And I just want people to trust that I am making the right decision, and if I'm not, let me make my mistakes, let me learn the hard way. Because for once, I believe him, I fully believe him. And I trust him again.
Thinking about this today, I reliaze what I want to do with my life. I want to help others with depression, I need to. Maybe it's because I never went for help when I was involved in this. I never told anyone, except him. He was the only one that understood, he wasn't there for my past, but he's there for my future. He's the light at the end of the tunnel I've been living in. I've become too good at pretending to be happy, I want to be happy. But I want to help others in over coming this fear, and I want to help others believe that they can get through this on thier own. I can't, I've come too far with him, I wouldn't know what to do. I'm not strong enough to be on my own yet, just give me more time, and I swear I'll be stronger then I am now. I just want people to trust me, and to let me be enough to get my life back together. Because not being with him is the hardest thing that I have had to grow through. And I've done a lot of things that I have regretted since him. And I have lost a lot of friends due to those. But I'm moving on, those things have made me stronger, the things that I have done, they have helped me reliaze that I can be stronger than I thought. I just need him by myside for a little while. Just let me have that, and I'll do anything. I'll do anything for you.
Please. Life is too short to limit things. Life is too short to hold grudges. And life is too short to die alone. Just tell the ones you love, that you truely love them. Tell them how much you appreciate them in your life, how much you want to be close with them. Let them know they have a significance in your life, and let them know they are still welcomed. Because the feeling of not being welcomed, is the worst feeling in the world. Tomorrow, sit down and think about how much support you have in your life, think about how many people love you, think about the support system that you have around you. And think about not having those people in your life. Life would be different, life would crash and burn. Make some calls tomorrow, just to say "Hi", because just saying that can make someones day, just to call to say 'Hi' will let someone know that you still care. Let the ones you love know you still care. No Regrets, don't be afraid of the cliffs, and take a short, dangerous path every once in awhile. It will be worth it in the end.
Wake up, you're alive. We're on your side. TWLOHA<3