- Rationalism on Strike - Buried beneath the protests -
I figure I will write everything out here, so that if anyone would like to know the story, they are more than welcome to consult this factual and untainted entry of disillusion...
Last week was filled with many occurrances of happiness and scandal. Before the beloved Michael Buble concert, Monday at my friend Beth's party, unaware and unconsciously I behaved condescendingly towards a friend of mine in attempts to gain favor with a boy (according to this friend of mine). I of course appologized endlessly and felt undying remorse, because I was oblivious of my behavior she claimed hurt her feelings so. Although I felt an invisible sheath of discontent towards me still, she persisted that things were Okay. Then off we went to the concert...
Upon our returning home, Friday our friend Beth had another party.
That day at work knowing of this party, I tell my friend that if I so much look like I am hooking up or inclining towards a person of the male persuassoin that I may want to establish impure actions, to cautiously take me aside to prevent myself from ... well myself (because I do not want to hook up with anymore boys, I would like to find some substance in my life). And then I would gladly accept your act of saving me as an invitation to hang out with you, which is what I'll do. My friend and I were then relieved of our Tea Cart duties early and got to go home. Heather and our friend Angela came over to get ready and then we went to our friend's (same friend) house to help her get ready and pick out something to wear. We then went out to eat. She then thought she looked foolish, so decided to go home to change as heather and I went back to my G'ma's to get her phone she had forgotten. We arrived back at our friend's house and decided to go to Beth's party while Angela and our friend dropped some flowers off at her friend's house.
Angela and our friend arrived at Beth's shortly after we did. There were a lot of people already there considering it is quite early in the evening. People were having a good time.. there was tons of food prepared by the accomplished Brad Jones - Bar-B-Quer extrodinaire. There was a gratifying display of beer-pong and a keg in the garage provided by Dan and the good times were bound to roll unceasingly.
Not much time passed before my friend asked if I would acompany her to her best friend's house. This friend of hers was too having a party the same evening and she wanted to visit them before the parties really began. I of course knowing no one else would go with her agreed to escort her to her friend's house, although I felt it odd she needed accompaniment to visit her best friends she's so close with. We entered the house and only two girls were there eating pizza and waiting for the evening to proceed so the festivities could begin. There I sat while I listen to my friend and her friends make fun of their other friends and laugh in accordance. I felt extremely out of place, but did not say anything, for I did not want to be rude nor aggrivate my friend. She realized however I wanted to go and so we left. She thanked me whole-heartedly for going with her and I humbly replied with a "No problem" or a "Oh Of course"... Something like that.
We get back to Beth's party and down go the drinks, out go the words and in go the meanings.
I happened to start talking to my friend Dave's neighbor friend John from school (who happens to be incredibly cute, smart and witty). We talked while sitting at the dining room table (a good distance apart, with hardly enough room to gracefully slap the other's knee flirtaciously, as if that thought had entered my mind). About a half an hour passes and our conversation was still full and continuous.
Then I do believe my friend comes to me to take me away. She then asks if I would like to go back to her friend's house for her party. I decline and say that I would much rather stay with my friends at Beth's party than go someplace where I know no one. She understands and agrees. She then asks neighbor John if he would like to go to her friend's party with her. (Knowing that he won't go, only because he just got to know everyone at Beth's and is their on behalf of Dave who would not be going to this other party, I still fear any inkling he'd express to actually wanting to go). SO then I leave the scene before I could distinguish any inklings of any sort. I then run into my friend's sister whom I tell that I did not want to go to the other party, because I did not really care for that group of people and would rather stay at the one I was already at. And with an ashamed lack of recolection - I supposedly told my friend's sister that I would be kind of upset if neighbor John accepted my friend's proposal to go to the other party.
The night grew on and I learned that my friend left for her friend's party alone and infuriated. I then learned the reason behind her infuriation was ME! How this actually came to be I do not know. So I call my friend and left a message on her phone stating that I heard she was mad at me, and I did not know why and that we should certainly talk about it.
The night continues and so do the good times.
The night gets older and older and by the time my friend returns I am sitting outside with neighbor John. I'm like "Oh Shit" because she probably thinks that I was with him all night, even though there were numbers of people flocking to our sides beforehand. Neighborhood John gets up to big a fair night to those inside, while I approach my friend (who is complaining to Angela about something) and I ask her what's wrong. Her voice poisioned with alcohol and insolence, she refuses to answer any of my questions. Retorting back that I should know what I have done, for nothing that wicked could be easily forgotten. (She of course did not state words so elegantly. If I were to transcribe her actual words, my entry would be tainted and ugly. Its the meaning of the words that make interpretation possible). She also said her friends who hadn't been drinking and who were true to her in what they said, claimed I said that she should not be inviting certain people to her friend's party.. Aka neighbor John. Of course I did not say such a thing, only that I would be upset if he were to go. Unable to drill through the thick-headedness that was her own, I allowed her to be mad at me and walked away.
I go to a few friends for counsel and advice. All who told me not to let it get to me. That my friend was drunk and irrational and knew nothing of what she spoke. For no one at the party had any knowledge of divulging such information to my friend. While this is going on, my friend tells Heather that she hates me and never wants to talk or see me ever again. (Words that were eventually brought to my attention days after). I was also told that my friend was mad at me, because she saw me on top of someone making out (hence the contradiction/hypocrit remarks she scorned at me before). This of course, did not happen. Not at any point during the evening was I in any close contact at all with any being, male or female to make this statement the least bit true. (A couple days after she then bares to my sister that she never said she hated me nor that I ever hooked up with anyone and that it was nice that I hadn't... WTF!??!).
I then found comfort in talking to my friend Dave. That was soon punctured as my friend walks in the room.
"Who's on the bed with you, Dave?" My "friend" asks
"No one important" I reply
"I'll second that!" My friend exclaims while jumping on Dave for a hug.
--- Hurt and kind of bewildered at how she could possibly say something like this after all we've been through, kind of illuded me ---
A day or so later I discover that my friend tells Heather that the reasons for her being mad at me was because I was talking smack about her (my friend) behind her back at the party. Which in fact was another fictitious creation of her imagination. She said Kristy came to her and said that I had come to her (Kristy) saying all sorts of shit about my friend. Heather then goes to Kristy, and of course she honestly denies having told my friend anything and says that I never made any harsh or rude comments about my friend or anyone (because, well.. I didn't).
By this time I am just fed up with the mess. I have endured a half a day of working with this person and have been successful in avoiding her and her madness. She asks my sister if I am avoiding her as if she did something to deserve such treatment. Today, I am surprised I glanced in her direction at all. The thought of everything that happened this weekend disabled me constantly as the day went on.
Now I am just waiting.. Still confused and somewhat careless in what has happened and what is to come. I have already attempted to mend things and correct what went wrong. However, I feel "why should I try to fix what went wrong, when this is how she treats and so easily disposes our friendship?"
I am physically worn down from ... well... everything.
I hate my job. I think my work evaluation, although not unfair was not addressed properly. I feel I do as good a job if not better than those who scored higher than myself. And yet I am not noticed or noted for it. If I were a shitty worker, I would not claim to be a good one. But I know that I work my ass off and even though we all get the same raise, I should have been looked upon with open eyes. But the entire management of the Henry Ford is blind.. What's a girl to do. Yeah, I'm quitting.. soon, no doubt.
There are also other things that have yet to happen and are indeed crucial and heart-breaking. Yet now is not the time to discuss.
That is the story. I try to avoid disquieting fellow co-workers and friends with this story, because it is really of no importance. Also, because I hate to seem as if I'm victimizing myself or not taking responsibility for my actions, but if you could tell me what I did wrong, please let me know, and I'll take full blame. I also don't want to make it seem as if I am pointing fingers, I'm just not the only person who feels this way about the situation.. It was just getting on my nerves.
If I could re-arrange the alphabet I would put U and I together! --- God Bless the Family Guy
Last week was filled with many occurrances of happiness and scandal. Before the beloved Michael Buble concert, Monday at my friend Beth's party, unaware and unconsciously I behaved condescendingly towards a friend of mine in attempts to gain favor with a boy (according to this friend of mine). I of course appologized endlessly and felt undying remorse, because I was oblivious of my behavior she claimed hurt her feelings so. Although I felt an invisible sheath of discontent towards me still, she persisted that things were Okay. Then off we went to the concert...
Upon our returning home, Friday our friend Beth had another party.
That day at work knowing of this party, I tell my friend that if I so much look like I am hooking up or inclining towards a person of the male persuassoin that I may want to establish impure actions, to cautiously take me aside to prevent myself from ... well myself (because I do not want to hook up with anymore boys, I would like to find some substance in my life). And then I would gladly accept your act of saving me as an invitation to hang out with you, which is what I'll do. My friend and I were then relieved of our Tea Cart duties early and got to go home. Heather and our friend Angela came over to get ready and then we went to our friend's (same friend) house to help her get ready and pick out something to wear. We then went out to eat. She then thought she looked foolish, so decided to go home to change as heather and I went back to my G'ma's to get her phone she had forgotten. We arrived back at our friend's house and decided to go to Beth's party while Angela and our friend dropped some flowers off at her friend's house.
Angela and our friend arrived at Beth's shortly after we did. There were a lot of people already there considering it is quite early in the evening. People were having a good time.. there was tons of food prepared by the accomplished Brad Jones - Bar-B-Quer extrodinaire. There was a gratifying display of beer-pong and a keg in the garage provided by Dan and the good times were bound to roll unceasingly.
Not much time passed before my friend asked if I would acompany her to her best friend's house. This friend of hers was too having a party the same evening and she wanted to visit them before the parties really began. I of course knowing no one else would go with her agreed to escort her to her friend's house, although I felt it odd she needed accompaniment to visit her best friends she's so close with. We entered the house and only two girls were there eating pizza and waiting for the evening to proceed so the festivities could begin. There I sat while I listen to my friend and her friends make fun of their other friends and laugh in accordance. I felt extremely out of place, but did not say anything, for I did not want to be rude nor aggrivate my friend. She realized however I wanted to go and so we left. She thanked me whole-heartedly for going with her and I humbly replied with a "No problem" or a "Oh Of course"... Something like that.
We get back to Beth's party and down go the drinks, out go the words and in go the meanings.
I happened to start talking to my friend Dave's neighbor friend John from school (who happens to be incredibly cute, smart and witty). We talked while sitting at the dining room table (a good distance apart, with hardly enough room to gracefully slap the other's knee flirtaciously, as if that thought had entered my mind). About a half an hour passes and our conversation was still full and continuous.
Then I do believe my friend comes to me to take me away. She then asks if I would like to go back to her friend's house for her party. I decline and say that I would much rather stay with my friends at Beth's party than go someplace where I know no one. She understands and agrees. She then asks neighbor John if he would like to go to her friend's party with her. (Knowing that he won't go, only because he just got to know everyone at Beth's and is their on behalf of Dave who would not be going to this other party, I still fear any inkling he'd express to actually wanting to go). SO then I leave the scene before I could distinguish any inklings of any sort. I then run into my friend's sister whom I tell that I did not want to go to the other party, because I did not really care for that group of people and would rather stay at the one I was already at. And with an ashamed lack of recolection - I supposedly told my friend's sister that I would be kind of upset if neighbor John accepted my friend's proposal to go to the other party.
The night grew on and I learned that my friend left for her friend's party alone and infuriated. I then learned the reason behind her infuriation was ME! How this actually came to be I do not know. So I call my friend and left a message on her phone stating that I heard she was mad at me, and I did not know why and that we should certainly talk about it.
The night continues and so do the good times.
The night gets older and older and by the time my friend returns I am sitting outside with neighbor John. I'm like "Oh Shit" because she probably thinks that I was with him all night, even though there were numbers of people flocking to our sides beforehand. Neighborhood John gets up to big a fair night to those inside, while I approach my friend (who is complaining to Angela about something) and I ask her what's wrong. Her voice poisioned with alcohol and insolence, she refuses to answer any of my questions. Retorting back that I should know what I have done, for nothing that wicked could be easily forgotten. (She of course did not state words so elegantly. If I were to transcribe her actual words, my entry would be tainted and ugly. Its the meaning of the words that make interpretation possible). She also said her friends who hadn't been drinking and who were true to her in what they said, claimed I said that she should not be inviting certain people to her friend's party.. Aka neighbor John. Of course I did not say such a thing, only that I would be upset if he were to go. Unable to drill through the thick-headedness that was her own, I allowed her to be mad at me and walked away.
I go to a few friends for counsel and advice. All who told me not to let it get to me. That my friend was drunk and irrational and knew nothing of what she spoke. For no one at the party had any knowledge of divulging such information to my friend. While this is going on, my friend tells Heather that she hates me and never wants to talk or see me ever again. (Words that were eventually brought to my attention days after). I was also told that my friend was mad at me, because she saw me on top of someone making out (hence the contradiction/hypocrit remarks she scorned at me before). This of course, did not happen. Not at any point during the evening was I in any close contact at all with any being, male or female to make this statement the least bit true. (A couple days after she then bares to my sister that she never said she hated me nor that I ever hooked up with anyone and that it was nice that I hadn't... WTF!??!).
I then found comfort in talking to my friend Dave. That was soon punctured as my friend walks in the room.
"Who's on the bed with you, Dave?" My "friend" asks
"No one important" I reply
"I'll second that!" My friend exclaims while jumping on Dave for a hug.
--- Hurt and kind of bewildered at how she could possibly say something like this after all we've been through, kind of illuded me ---
A day or so later I discover that my friend tells Heather that the reasons for her being mad at me was because I was talking smack about her (my friend) behind her back at the party. Which in fact was another fictitious creation of her imagination. She said Kristy came to her and said that I had come to her (Kristy) saying all sorts of shit about my friend. Heather then goes to Kristy, and of course she honestly denies having told my friend anything and says that I never made any harsh or rude comments about my friend or anyone (because, well.. I didn't).
By this time I am just fed up with the mess. I have endured a half a day of working with this person and have been successful in avoiding her and her madness. She asks my sister if I am avoiding her as if she did something to deserve such treatment. Today, I am surprised I glanced in her direction at all. The thought of everything that happened this weekend disabled me constantly as the day went on.
Now I am just waiting.. Still confused and somewhat careless in what has happened and what is to come. I have already attempted to mend things and correct what went wrong. However, I feel "why should I try to fix what went wrong, when this is how she treats and so easily disposes our friendship?"
I am physically worn down from ... well... everything.
I hate my job. I think my work evaluation, although not unfair was not addressed properly. I feel I do as good a job if not better than those who scored higher than myself. And yet I am not noticed or noted for it. If I were a shitty worker, I would not claim to be a good one. But I know that I work my ass off and even though we all get the same raise, I should have been looked upon with open eyes. But the entire management of the Henry Ford is blind.. What's a girl to do. Yeah, I'm quitting.. soon, no doubt.
There are also other things that have yet to happen and are indeed crucial and heart-breaking. Yet now is not the time to discuss.
That is the story. I try to avoid disquieting fellow co-workers and friends with this story, because it is really of no importance. Also, because I hate to seem as if I'm victimizing myself or not taking responsibility for my actions, but if you could tell me what I did wrong, please let me know, and I'll take full blame. I also don't want to make it seem as if I am pointing fingers, I'm just not the only person who feels this way about the situation.. It was just getting on my nerves.
If I could re-arrange the alphabet I would put U and I together! --- God Bless the Family Guy