(no subject)
WARNING: NSFW
So I recently got a soft pack! And I'm pretty thrilled with it. I haven't touched many dicks, but from what I can tell - and for those who I've asked to give their opinion on following a feel test - it feels pretty realistic. So I'm stoked - I got junk now, lol. It looks really great in a set of briefs, and gives a barely perceptable look of fullness in the crotch area wearing jeans. It makes me feel more boyish and like, tougher. Enhances my masculinity. More one of the guys. Totally makes me feel sexy, and I feel like it would totally make a woman hot if she were to rub on it in close proximity. By that I mean, like, an intimate full body hug, or dancing, you know.
Over all its been a really positive, exciting experience. Very different sensations of it being in my pants under different types of materials, sitting in different ways, etc. Its interesting. I have this one friend who I've been getting close to over the last year, but who I've gotten much closer with since Monica left me, who came with me to buy it and has humored my feel tests and my talk and just generally been really really supportive. And she has been really great and helped make this a really positive experience. And I have worn it a couple times now.
But at the same time, I'm very fearful of it. Like, I feel great and hot myself wearing it. But I'm really afraid of what other people's reactions will be. People who don't know me so well, or people who aren't in academia or in the social sciences or feminist/queer conscious people, and how they might take it. What if they don't get it? What if they trip out and reject me? What if someone gets aggresive over it? My biggest concern thus far has been dancing - I got to this gay bar and I'm not to worried their. But I also went to two friends parties in the last few weeks that had dancing and it wasn't a queer crowd, so I was nervous - about girls grinding on me and being surprised or guys trying to dance with me and being offended. Scared that if the wrong guy dances with me and notices he'll think its an affront to his own sexuality, yannow? Thinking about how potentialled uncomfortable to explosive such a confrontation could be is really scary.
So I've been wearing it even still, but being mindful of who I get too close with, just to be safe. And it makes me feel weird, cause i feel like i should not have to feel badly about it. And yet, I do, because society is as of yet, still so vary gender-binaried, homophobic, transphobic, heteronormative with such strict notions of gender and appropriate preformances of it...I have to be wary, for my personal safety at the extreme.
This is California, and even more, this is Santa Cruz. So I'm probably not gonna get killed over it - but I could see the wrong guy in the wrong situation getting pissed - or a girl just being really weirded out. Cause people might not get it...even though there really isn't anything to get, yannow?
Anyway, I don't know. I really like it - I enjoy wearing it and how it makes me feel...but I wish I didn't feel I have to be so cautious...
So I recently got a soft pack! And I'm pretty thrilled with it. I haven't touched many dicks, but from what I can tell - and for those who I've asked to give their opinion on following a feel test - it feels pretty realistic. So I'm stoked - I got junk now, lol. It looks really great in a set of briefs, and gives a barely perceptable look of fullness in the crotch area wearing jeans. It makes me feel more boyish and like, tougher. Enhances my masculinity. More one of the guys. Totally makes me feel sexy, and I feel like it would totally make a woman hot if she were to rub on it in close proximity. By that I mean, like, an intimate full body hug, or dancing, you know.
Over all its been a really positive, exciting experience. Very different sensations of it being in my pants under different types of materials, sitting in different ways, etc. Its interesting. I have this one friend who I've been getting close to over the last year, but who I've gotten much closer with since Monica left me, who came with me to buy it and has humored my feel tests and my talk and just generally been really really supportive. And she has been really great and helped make this a really positive experience. And I have worn it a couple times now.
But at the same time, I'm very fearful of it. Like, I feel great and hot myself wearing it. But I'm really afraid of what other people's reactions will be. People who don't know me so well, or people who aren't in academia or in the social sciences or feminist/queer conscious people, and how they might take it. What if they don't get it? What if they trip out and reject me? What if someone gets aggresive over it? My biggest concern thus far has been dancing - I got to this gay bar and I'm not to worried their. But I also went to two friends parties in the last few weeks that had dancing and it wasn't a queer crowd, so I was nervous - about girls grinding on me and being surprised or guys trying to dance with me and being offended. Scared that if the wrong guy dances with me and notices he'll think its an affront to his own sexuality, yannow? Thinking about how potentialled uncomfortable to explosive such a confrontation could be is really scary.
So I've been wearing it even still, but being mindful of who I get too close with, just to be safe. And it makes me feel weird, cause i feel like i should not have to feel badly about it. And yet, I do, because society is as of yet, still so vary gender-binaried, homophobic, transphobic, heteronormative with such strict notions of gender and appropriate preformances of it...I have to be wary, for my personal safety at the extreme.
This is California, and even more, this is Santa Cruz. So I'm probably not gonna get killed over it - but I could see the wrong guy in the wrong situation getting pissed - or a girl just being really weirded out. Cause people might not get it...even though there really isn't anything to get, yannow?
Anyway, I don't know. I really like it - I enjoy wearing it and how it makes me feel...but I wish I didn't feel I have to be so cautious...