New fanfic...
Okay, so I found this semi-old fic, and I wanted to offer up something for the unnatural dry spell of ficcage.
Title: Cunning Linguistics
Rating: PG-13 for now...
Info: Based on a challenge from Bagel-chan (god it's like we're married) who requested a Kakashi being all pretend linguistically challenged when he meets Iruka.
~~~~~***~~~~~
“Japanese”
<>
~~~~~***~~~~~
The thing about faking a knowledge of business is that it eventually comes back to bite one in the butt. When one is called to account for something that requires delivery of promises, one has to have the actual experience to back up the knowledge. Tsunade had a moment of reflection broken by a sip of sake and the wonderful view out of her third-story window.
Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, Tsunade was a gambler who had taken her chances and set up a business that, despite her having no knowledge at all, had become quite a success. As a result of her lack of knowledge, her hapless employees were often the subject of her business experiments. They would often be on edge, one day working in HR, the next in accounting (only Shizune, Tsunade’s faithful secretary, ever knew that up to 60% of the decisions made were under the influence of copious amounts of sake).
The only good thing about this business thing was that Tsunade knew when to ask for help and when to hire experts to fix her problems. For example, marketing. There had been a horrible fiasco which involved a deck of cards, marshmallows, jell-o and memories better left forgotten but horrifically remembered because of certain photos which shall never be mentioned again. Damn Jiraiya anyways. He was the part-time photographer and best-selling writer for her small business, but the damn pervert never stopped taking pictures of women even when they weren’t working. The old pervert. Tsunade sighed, taking another sip of sake. Was she doomed to a failure of a marketing department because that pervert couldn’t keep his hands off of the talented young women in this field? Was there a solution? Suddenly, her eyes stopped on a billboard. It was a billboard which featured, quite prominently, a man who might be entirely naked. YES! Tsunade’s day became much brighter as she found a solution to two business problems. She broke out a celebratory jug of sake and was half-way through it before Shizune caught her and disposed of it with a lecture on health and knowing better.
~~~~~***~~~~~
Umino Iruka had been a teacher in high school for five years now. Although the new administration was even more old-fashioned than a corset, the old principal, Sandaime, had guided the school with a kindly hand right up until the day he died. Iruka had not planned on teaching for so long, especially under such a rule-bound environment, and so it was only with the passing of the kindly old principal that he decided he should probably get a job which enabled him to finally achieve his dream of becoming a professor. He nervously looked up at the building in front of him. Konoha Publications Inc. was not the place he’d ever thought he would wind up. It was a company that… that… Iruka paused, taking a moment to figure out what was so objectionable about it. That it was a company that sold porn wasn’t entirely objectionable, and it wasn’t that it was run by a woman (although, why a woman would run such a company was something to ponder), but rather that they were so blatant about it. Although the coverage of all graduate school expenses (provided one stayed with the company for three years longer than the graduate program), and the dental was excellent.
Deciding that he had put this off long enough, Iruka swung open the doors, and stepped into the lobby. Almost five seconds later he was run into by a rather busty young woman screaming something about a damn perverts and their cameras as she shuffled papers around. He checked his notes again, and the signage on the door, confirming that he was in the right building, the correct entrance, and fighting off a nosebleed. Whether it was the attractiveness of the aforementioned woman’s attributes, or the fact that they felt like running into bags of sand was questionable. Considering they were probably mostly silicone, the bags of sand analogy struck him as particularly fitting.
“Um, excuse me?” Iruka said. (Actually, it sounded more like, ‘excube be’, on account of his impending nosebleed, but that fact can be over looked in favor of getting on with the story.)
“Yes?” The woman, for she wasn’t all that young now that Iruka had a good look at her face, replied.
“What floor does…” Iruka checked his sheet of paper, “Godaime-sama work on? I seem to have missed that information when I set up an interview.”
The woman gave him a dazzling smile, made all the more hypnotizing by the way it made her breasts attempt an evacuation of her shirt. “Oh, you must be Umino-sensei. I totally forgot that was today. Let’s do lunch in the cafeteria.”
“Er…” Iruka said intelligently. “I… you’re Godaime-sama?”
“Aa, that’s true. But call me Tsunade-sama, if you must observe the formalities. Here we strive to make a more intimate working environment.”
“Um…” Iruka nervously cleared his throat, “Tsunade-sama, I guess I’d have to ask you to call me Iruka-Sensei then.”
“A man who is flexible! Excellent. Jiraiya gets so stiff, the old pervert.” Iruka rather thought she hadn’t meant the last part of her sentence to be heard. “I’ve been looking for someone to work in HR who has skills in linguistics. It is rather relieving to find someone who can work many positions.”
Iruka flushed a shade of red previously invisible to the human eye. “Erm, Tsunade-sama, I don’t mean to be rude, but…” he waved his hands uncomfortably.
Tsunade blinked, and then started laughing uproariously. “Oh, Iruka-kun, I’m looking for a competent businessman, not a rent-boy.” Her breasts appeared to be staging a coup (and almost winning) against her bra from all the laughter. “You know what, you’re hired. I like a man with a sense of humor. You start tomorrow, 9AM second floor. I’ll just tell Shizune now… Ah, and don’t get off at the fourth floor elevator. That would make you blush like the schoolgirls they pretend to be up there.” Iruka blushed harder, and Tsunade walked away laughing. Okay then. He had a job and he started tomorrow. Oh god, what did one wear to work at a porn company?
Title: Cunning Linguistics
Rating: PG-13 for now...
Info: Based on a challenge from Bagel-chan (god it's like we're married) who requested a Kakashi being all pretend linguistically challenged when he meets Iruka.
~~~~~***~~~~~
“Japanese”
<>
~~~~~***~~~~~
The thing about faking a knowledge of business is that it eventually comes back to bite one in the butt. When one is called to account for something that requires delivery of promises, one has to have the actual experience to back up the knowledge. Tsunade had a moment of reflection broken by a sip of sake and the wonderful view out of her third-story window.
Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, Tsunade was a gambler who had taken her chances and set up a business that, despite her having no knowledge at all, had become quite a success. As a result of her lack of knowledge, her hapless employees were often the subject of her business experiments. They would often be on edge, one day working in HR, the next in accounting (only Shizune, Tsunade’s faithful secretary, ever knew that up to 60% of the decisions made were under the influence of copious amounts of sake).
The only good thing about this business thing was that Tsunade knew when to ask for help and when to hire experts to fix her problems. For example, marketing. There had been a horrible fiasco which involved a deck of cards, marshmallows, jell-o and memories better left forgotten but horrifically remembered because of certain photos which shall never be mentioned again. Damn Jiraiya anyways. He was the part-time photographer and best-selling writer for her small business, but the damn pervert never stopped taking pictures of women even when they weren’t working. The old pervert. Tsunade sighed, taking another sip of sake. Was she doomed to a failure of a marketing department because that pervert couldn’t keep his hands off of the talented young women in this field? Was there a solution? Suddenly, her eyes stopped on a billboard. It was a billboard which featured, quite prominently, a man who might be entirely naked. YES! Tsunade’s day became much brighter as she found a solution to two business problems. She broke out a celebratory jug of sake and was half-way through it before Shizune caught her and disposed of it with a lecture on health and knowing better.
~~~~~***~~~~~
Umino Iruka had been a teacher in high school for five years now. Although the new administration was even more old-fashioned than a corset, the old principal, Sandaime, had guided the school with a kindly hand right up until the day he died. Iruka had not planned on teaching for so long, especially under such a rule-bound environment, and so it was only with the passing of the kindly old principal that he decided he should probably get a job which enabled him to finally achieve his dream of becoming a professor. He nervously looked up at the building in front of him. Konoha Publications Inc. was not the place he’d ever thought he would wind up. It was a company that… that… Iruka paused, taking a moment to figure out what was so objectionable about it. That it was a company that sold porn wasn’t entirely objectionable, and it wasn’t that it was run by a woman (although, why a woman would run such a company was something to ponder), but rather that they were so blatant about it. Although the coverage of all graduate school expenses (provided one stayed with the company for three years longer than the graduate program), and the dental was excellent.
Deciding that he had put this off long enough, Iruka swung open the doors, and stepped into the lobby. Almost five seconds later he was run into by a rather busty young woman screaming something about a damn perverts and their cameras as she shuffled papers around. He checked his notes again, and the signage on the door, confirming that he was in the right building, the correct entrance, and fighting off a nosebleed. Whether it was the attractiveness of the aforementioned woman’s attributes, or the fact that they felt like running into bags of sand was questionable. Considering they were probably mostly silicone, the bags of sand analogy struck him as particularly fitting.
“Um, excuse me?” Iruka said. (Actually, it sounded more like, ‘excube be’, on account of his impending nosebleed, but that fact can be over looked in favor of getting on with the story.)
“Yes?” The woman, for she wasn’t all that young now that Iruka had a good look at her face, replied.
“What floor does…” Iruka checked his sheet of paper, “Godaime-sama work on? I seem to have missed that information when I set up an interview.”
The woman gave him a dazzling smile, made all the more hypnotizing by the way it made her breasts attempt an evacuation of her shirt. “Oh, you must be Umino-sensei. I totally forgot that was today. Let’s do lunch in the cafeteria.”
“Er…” Iruka said intelligently. “I… you’re Godaime-sama?”
“Aa, that’s true. But call me Tsunade-sama, if you must observe the formalities. Here we strive to make a more intimate working environment.”
“Um…” Iruka nervously cleared his throat, “Tsunade-sama, I guess I’d have to ask you to call me Iruka-Sensei then.”
“A man who is flexible! Excellent. Jiraiya gets so stiff, the old pervert.” Iruka rather thought she hadn’t meant the last part of her sentence to be heard. “I’ve been looking for someone to work in HR who has skills in linguistics. It is rather relieving to find someone who can work many positions.”
Iruka flushed a shade of red previously invisible to the human eye. “Erm, Tsunade-sama, I don’t mean to be rude, but…” he waved his hands uncomfortably.
Tsunade blinked, and then started laughing uproariously. “Oh, Iruka-kun, I’m looking for a competent businessman, not a rent-boy.” Her breasts appeared to be staging a coup (and almost winning) against her bra from all the laughter. “You know what, you’re hired. I like a man with a sense of humor. You start tomorrow, 9AM second floor. I’ll just tell Shizune now… Ah, and don’t get off at the fourth floor elevator. That would make you blush like the schoolgirls they pretend to be up there.” Iruka blushed harder, and Tsunade walked away laughing. Okay then. He had a job and he started tomorrow. Oh god, what did one wear to work at a porn company?