Comments | kanedax: Carpathian Gorynych (After the Flaw: Oligarchy, Chapter 1)

kanedax

Carpathian Gorynych (After the Flaw: Oligarchy, Chapter 1)

Oct 12, 2008 12:18

Title: Carpathian Gorynych (After the Flaw: Oligarchy, Chapter 1)
Author: kanedax
Spoilers: After the Flaw
Rating: PG-15 for language, disturbing images, and Luna Lovegood
Summary: An ancient threat emerges
Notes: Surprise! Welcome back! I give you chapter one in After the Flaw 2, now known
as After the Flaw: Oligarchy. Later chapters will be coming, ( Read more... )

potter, fanfic, atf2, aftertheflaw

Comments 25

Stymphalian Birds sgt_majorette October 12 2008, 19:51:05 UTC

Oooh, flashback! When I was a teenager, I collected paperpack translations of The Iliad, adored Robert Graves, and majored in Classical Languages for my thirty seconds of college.

Now if you can work Viktor Krum and some Bulgarian folk music into this, and maybe some ballet...

Re: Stymphalian Birds kanedax October 12 2008, 21:44:57 UTC

Hmmm... we'll have to see what we can pull off.

Good job, first comment. ;)

showing my age? sgt_majorette October 12 2008, 23:07:01 UTC

What's the deal with this first comment business? Cash back? Airline miles? Bonus green stamps?

Re: showing my age? kanedax October 13 2008, 02:41:47 UTC

eh, its the hot new game that's sweeping the nation, apparently some fanfolk get their jollies off posting the first response to a thread.

cactus_wren October 12 2008, 19:59:56 UTC

Oh my, this is going to be a very good story! Love Luna, as usual, she's so refreshingly blunt, lol. Looking forward to more!

kanedax October 12 2008, 21:44:29 UTC

Yeah, seriously, I just decided that every chapter that Luna's in will be "rated PG-15 for Luna Lovegood."

madderbrad October 13 2008, 03:26:58 UTC

Ha ha! :-)

kanedax October 13 2008, 03:52:19 UTC

I have this fear that it's going to become a cliche for me when it comes to Luna: Luna Lovegood in a chapter = Awkward Sexual Conversation.

Hopefully people are enjoying the recurring theme.

loonie October 12 2008, 20:54:21 UTC

glad to see you back in the hp game. and the mystery builds...

kanedax October 12 2008, 21:43:49 UTC

heh, I have returned.

As I stated at the top, its going to be a few more weeks, minimum, before I post the second chapter. I still have a lot of breakdown, a lot of layout, to get through before I'm ready to get right into it.

But I knew what this chapter was going to be, I knew what was going to happen and who was going to be in it, so I figured what the hell?

btvsbonesheroes October 12 2008, 21:02:41 UTC

one of the reasons I loved the first after the flaw was because of how well you captured the characters. you don't dissapoint! =]

kanedax October 12 2008, 21:42:43 UTC

The further down the line we get, the harder it is to "capture" the characters. More and more people going to be completely made up out of my head because they were never in the series.

Thanks for readin! ;)

madderbrad October 13 2008, 03:30:33 UTC

Good to read new stuff!

This is the sequel where the OBHWF couples all divorce and certain other unions take place, right? ;-)

(As long as Teddy and H.C. stay together, please)

I loved your Luna in your first novel, but in this chapter she came over as too much a "Mister Spock" for me. It would have been nice to see her display *some* sort of emotion ... silvery protuberant eyes misting over with concern/dismay, something to stop me from thinking she is a Vulcan/robot.

I also didn't like Luna's calling Charlie by his first name - albeit its formal version - but Charlie calling her 'Lovegood'. Ugh. Maybe you intended that response.

A fun and intriguing read!

kanedax October 13 2008, 03:49:21 UTC

I dunno... Luna's a fine line with a lot of fans. Honestly, the way I read her she always showed the same level of emotion in the actual series as she did in my stories. I guess it just sounds fine in my head, because to me everything she says sounds like she's talking about tomorrow's weather forecast, whether it be a heart-to-heart romantic talk or in the heat of battle.

She's probably the toughest write, and putting her in a different situation, like this one, might make her come across as one side of the fence or the other. I did give her a mild reaction to the discovery of one of her legendary species, which doesn't happen very often, but, yeah, it's possible that she may come off as too cold in some situations. But that's Luna for ya.

I just figure she's a character that people would know by now, so I don't have to continuously repeat "she said dreamily," or whatever.

madderbrad October 14 2008, 02:03:32 UTC

Thinking a bit about what you said I can't help but agree/understand. What you said here makes perfect sense:

Honestly, the way I read her she always showed the same level of emotion in the actual series as she did in my stories. I guess it just sounds fine in my head, because to me everything she says sounds like she's talking about tomorrow's weather forecast, whether it be a heart-to-heart romantic talk or in the heat of battle.Given my wholehearted agreement with your thinking I can't help but agree with your portrayal of her ( ... )

kanedax October 14 2008, 03:11:05 UTC

Oh, I totally agree that it would be really interesting to rattle her. And it might happen later in my story, who knows? I still haven't figured out how to use her after this chapter.

But, yeah, it would take a LOT to rattle her, is the thing. Looking at how she reacted in OotP during her capture by the Inquisition Squad and at the Department of Mysteries was fairly calm, and even when she was being held hostage by the Malfoys she was still... I dunno...

But, yeah, there's definitely potential to see SOME emotion, but it'd take a lot to do it.

Thread 5