Thirteen and a Half Years Later: Jareth

[kanedax]

 
Title: Thirteen and a Half Years Later: Jareth
Author: kanedax
Spoilers: Deathly Hallows & Previous Chapters
Characters: HC Granger (OC)
Rating: PG-13 for language and mild content
Word count: 3,856 words
Summary: A secret rendezvous
Notes: I own HC Granger and these characters. The others belong to JK Rowling.

Shall We Begin? / Previous Chapters / The

Comments

[anonymous]

Excellent chapter. Just a few nitpicks:

The Americanese is almost cloying here. Sometimes it's just the tone and hard to pinpoint, but I spotted a couple of errors: "Oh, man," isn't all that common, and "huh" is probably better as "eh." And "big dope" is also very American (prat? git?) as well as unrealistic for a 13 year old girl (which I was, at one point) to say. Along those lines, it's also unusual for a 13-year-old boy to call himself a 13 year old, in that most 13 year olds spend a lot of time wishing they weren't 13.

Other than that, the chapter's good. Thanks for writing this.

[kanedax]

Thanks. I made a few changes where I could. I might just write this one off as my American coming through more than usual and leave it at that.

Or I could say that it's the future and who knows HOW kids are going to be talking in four years?

Nah, that probably doesn't work.

Thanks for those, and thanks for reading. I might pop in tomorrow when I have more time and do a little more cleaning.

[samanthacr]

Hopefully after a few years the students will realize that he and Ginny really are boring people, and they’ll stop being interested in his personal life.

Yeah. I probably won't be one of them.

Loved this. Good job!!

--scr

[kanedax]

Eh, they're pretty much Teddy's parents. Everyone sees their parents as boring.

[kanedax]

I'll probably give that chapter eventually. Aaaaactually, now that I think about it... okay, I think I know where I can fit it in...

As for the references, I tried my best to make HC as the anti-Hermione as well as I could without, you know, hammering the point home.

[kanedax]

Thanks a lot!

[charma_10]

Dammit where is my Hermione Caroline/Teddy Lupin fangirl icon when i need it.

*searches*

I love these two. I really do. And I loved this chapter!

[kanedax]

Hee.

What can I say, I've tossed a few curveballs into this series in terms of relationships.

[charma_10]

Hopefully I can convince you to do a Nineteen Years and 10 minutes later when Teddy realises Victoire used a love potion or something.

TL/HCG FTW!

[kanedax]

The thought is to write NYL two or three different times, actually, from different perspectives, with a little more of the subtext. Right off the bat you know that as soon as Hermione Jean hears about T/V she's not going to be too happy.