In definite need of a hug, since I didn't get any last night :(
I won't be going to sleep anytime soon, that's for sure. One of my best friends was over last night, and we stayed up until about 3 am. I had fallen asleep on her shoulder while we were watching Lord of the Rings (Fellowship of the Ring: Extended Edition FTW) and she shook me awake. She said "Do you just want to go to sleep?" and I immediately was like "No!" because sometimes we cuddle if we both stay awake long enough (we always cuddle, duh, but I mean extra snuggly, where it doesn't just feel playful. I like it that way >.>) and we hadn't done that yet. But she was stern enough with me for me to get up and turn off the TV. I fell straight back asleep.
I woke up this morning to her rubbing my back and saying "It's quarter after 2..." to which I groaned and curled into her. We laid in our makeshift bed on my basement floor for another hour before deciding pancakes sounded pretty fucking awesome.
So, all of that leads back to the subject of this, which is the absolute lack of tiredness I'm feeling.
My mom and I are sort of dancing around each other right now. She's a bitch and a terrible parent. I want to remind her that she has no right to tell me what to do when she (randomly) decides to put her foot down. She lost that title years ago, and I kind of want to put her back in her place.
No, that sounds like I want her to be my parent again, which is not what I'm asking for. I'm asking for her to either man the fuck up-which I guess could be classified as me asking her to act like a mom- or get the fuck out.
Then there's my bisexuality. Or bicuriousity, whichever it may be at this stage. I haven't gone far with a guy or a girl- I mean, I'm at the same physical base with both- but I know that I absolutely CAN be attracted to both. I just got over the biggest crush EVER on my best friend, that had been going on for almost 7 months, and let me tell you how glad I am that it's over; I AM VERY FUCKING GLAD.
The entire purpose of this post is for me to wonder and whine out loud if I'm messed up in the head. Sometimes, I just don't feel normal. Not my sexuality or my political stance or the music I listen to, but really in my head. My dad thinks he introduced me to the horrors of the world too fast, but I actually think I'm pretty sheltered. He thinks maybe they explained what sex and sexuality and physicality was too early on, but I don't agree. I wasn't brought up in religion, and I am mildly grateful for that. Actually, I really appreciate that. It just allows me to have a little bit more control of my life, so it can't be that. I just think...sometimes that
I think I messed myself up.
I just don't know how.
I woke up this morning to her rubbing my back and saying "It's quarter after 2..." to which I groaned and curled into her. We laid in our makeshift bed on my basement floor for another hour before deciding pancakes sounded pretty fucking awesome.
So, all of that leads back to the subject of this, which is the absolute lack of tiredness I'm feeling.
My mom and I are sort of dancing around each other right now. She's a bitch and a terrible parent. I want to remind her that she has no right to tell me what to do when she (randomly) decides to put her foot down. She lost that title years ago, and I kind of want to put her back in her place.
No, that sounds like I want her to be my parent again, which is not what I'm asking for. I'm asking for her to either man the fuck up-which I guess could be classified as me asking her to act like a mom- or get the fuck out.
Then there's my bisexuality. Or bicuriousity, whichever it may be at this stage. I haven't gone far with a guy or a girl- I mean, I'm at the same physical base with both- but I know that I absolutely CAN be attracted to both. I just got over the biggest crush EVER on my best friend, that had been going on for almost 7 months, and let me tell you how glad I am that it's over; I AM VERY FUCKING GLAD.
The entire purpose of this post is for me to wonder and whine out loud if I'm messed up in the head. Sometimes, I just don't feel normal. Not my sexuality or my political stance or the music I listen to, but really in my head. My dad thinks he introduced me to the horrors of the world too fast, but I actually think I'm pretty sheltered. He thinks maybe they explained what sex and sexuality and physicality was too early on, but I don't agree. I wasn't brought up in religion, and I am mildly grateful for that. Actually, I really appreciate that. It just allows me to have a little bit more control of my life, so it can't be that. I just think...sometimes that
I think I messed myself up.
I just don't know how.