"It's time for Microsoft to fix the Windows 7 update slowdowns"
This is an article from a couple of months ago (which, coincidentally, was when I last bothered to actually install any updates), but it's still relevant now.
Here, I believe, is the take away: "Frankly, I don't think Microsoft is intentionally slowing down Windows 7 updates. But I think it's sufficiently focused on Win10 development that problems with Win7 fade into the background, not rising above ambient noise level. And paying customers get it in the jaw."
Of course, it takes even longer when one must vet every single update, just to be safe. But I can't even do that much until the "Checking for updates..." bullshit ever completes. Unlike the guy in the article, I'm not totally convinced that Micro$hit isn't intentionally bogging down Update on Windows 7. I have no proof of it, of course, but at this point I seriously wouldn't put it past them. As someone in the comments says, "Somebody tell me the difference between intentionally slowing updates up for W7 or knowing about the issue and intentionally not doing anything about it."
(EDIT) As for me, I didn't check the time when I actually started checking for updates, but I know when I did check the time at 1:00pm, it had already been running for quite a while by that point. Current time as I write this is 1:37pm, and it is still "Checking for updates..." There is no good reason for this. Micro$hit is shit.
Also, since it hasn't been giving me any notifications for new updates for over half a year now (if not longer, since that's merely the first time I bothered mentioning it anywhere), I've decided to switch my Windows Update settings from "Check for updates but let me choose whether to download and install them" to "Never check for updates (not recommended)". (/EDIT)
(EDIT 2) And now, current time 2:00pm, it was still "Checking for updates..." so I just closed the window, since, quite honestly, updating Windows 7 is no longer a real priority for me anymore, given the whole issue with them trying to sneak Windows 10 bullshit into the updates. I might try it again later when I have time to just let the computer sit and idle, but that's not right now, and I've already wasted too much time on this horseshit as it is. (/EDIT 2)
(EDIT 3) Interestingly enough, I'm seeing more recent stuff that says an update from a few days ago actually does finally fix the slowness issue. Remains to be seen for myself, as I haven't downloaded or installed any recent updates yet. (/EDIT 3)
(EDIT 4) So... I've manually downloaded KB3161608 (which includes KB3161647 that is supposed to fix the slowness of Windows Update). And... guess what it started doing when I ran it. Yep, started looking for updates. Why? I don't know. But now, this update that is supposed to fix the slowness of updates is slooooowly looking for updates before it installs. *facepalm* (/EDIT 4)
(EDIT 5) It literally took over two hours before the fucking update that is supposed to stop the updates from being so slow finally stopped looking for updates and popped up the dialog asking me if I wanted to install the actual update that is supposed to stop the updates from being so slow. Hell, I'd actually forgotten that I'd even started the thing and was in the middle of a game when it kicked me back out to desktop via the installation prompt. (/EDIT)
(FINAL EDIT 6) After rebooting, since the aforementioned update required a reboot, I ran Windows Update again. To Micro$hit's credit, in this particular case, the "Checking for updates..." phase only lasted around eight minutes this time, which is decent, so it looks like they did indeed fix it finally. I have to remove props for them once again unhiding/republishing KB3123862 and KB2952664 though. (No sign of KB3035583 for once, however, which is surprising.) I checked all of the other security updates and whatnot and saw nothing immediately suspicious concerning Windows 10 or "upgrading to the next OS" or whatever, so that's good.
So anyway, yeah, if you've been having issues with Windows Update taking forever, then install KB3161608 and that should fix the issue, for now at least until they manage to break it again. (/FINAL EDIT 6)
Here, I believe, is the take away: "Frankly, I don't think Microsoft is intentionally slowing down Windows 7 updates. But I think it's sufficiently focused on Win10 development that problems with Win7 fade into the background, not rising above ambient noise level. And paying customers get it in the jaw."
Of course, it takes even longer when one must vet every single update, just to be safe. But I can't even do that much until the "Checking for updates..." bullshit ever completes. Unlike the guy in the article, I'm not totally convinced that Micro$hit isn't intentionally bogging down Update on Windows 7. I have no proof of it, of course, but at this point I seriously wouldn't put it past them. As someone in the comments says, "Somebody tell me the difference between intentionally slowing updates up for W7 or knowing about the issue and intentionally not doing anything about it."
(EDIT) As for me, I didn't check the time when I actually started checking for updates, but I know when I did check the time at 1:00pm, it had already been running for quite a while by that point. Current time as I write this is 1:37pm, and it is still "Checking for updates..." There is no good reason for this. Micro$hit is shit.
Also, since it hasn't been giving me any notifications for new updates for over half a year now (if not longer, since that's merely the first time I bothered mentioning it anywhere), I've decided to switch my Windows Update settings from "Check for updates but let me choose whether to download and install them" to "Never check for updates (not recommended)". (/EDIT)
(EDIT 2) And now, current time 2:00pm, it was still "Checking for updates..." so I just closed the window, since, quite honestly, updating Windows 7 is no longer a real priority for me anymore, given the whole issue with them trying to sneak Windows 10 bullshit into the updates. I might try it again later when I have time to just let the computer sit and idle, but that's not right now, and I've already wasted too much time on this horseshit as it is. (/EDIT 2)
(EDIT 3) Interestingly enough, I'm seeing more recent stuff that says an update from a few days ago actually does finally fix the slowness issue. Remains to be seen for myself, as I haven't downloaded or installed any recent updates yet. (/EDIT 3)
(EDIT 4) So... I've manually downloaded KB3161608 (which includes KB3161647 that is supposed to fix the slowness of Windows Update). And... guess what it started doing when I ran it. Yep, started looking for updates. Why? I don't know. But now, this update that is supposed to fix the slowness of updates is slooooowly looking for updates before it installs. *facepalm* (/EDIT 4)
(EDIT 5) It literally took over two hours before the fucking update that is supposed to stop the updates from being so slow finally stopped looking for updates and popped up the dialog asking me if I wanted to install the actual update that is supposed to stop the updates from being so slow. Hell, I'd actually forgotten that I'd even started the thing and was in the middle of a game when it kicked me back out to desktop via the installation prompt. (/EDIT)
(FINAL EDIT 6) After rebooting, since the aforementioned update required a reboot, I ran Windows Update again. To Micro$hit's credit, in this particular case, the "Checking for updates..." phase only lasted around eight minutes this time, which is decent, so it looks like they did indeed fix it finally. I have to remove props for them once again unhiding/republishing KB3123862 and KB2952664 though. (No sign of KB3035583 for once, however, which is surprising.) I checked all of the other security updates and whatnot and saw nothing immediately suspicious concerning Windows 10 or "upgrading to the next OS" or whatever, so that's good.
So anyway, yeah, if you've been having issues with Windows Update taking forever, then install KB3161608 and that should fix the issue, for now at least until they manage to break it again. (/FINAL EDIT 6)