Feeling the Ghosts of back then.
There's only us.
There's only this.
Forget, regret,
or life is yours to miss.
No other road.
No other way.
No day but today...
-------------
Sometimes I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction. Then I look around and realize that I did THAT a LONG time ago, and it shouldn't be a new fact. I used to have no regrets for anything.. but this last summer I think did it in for me.. Too many things were done upon other things that I had done previously. I'm haunted by my past. When I sleep.. when I dream... when I wake and when I live each day, no matter where I go my past is here to touch me, choke me... throw me down. I wanna fix it all.. but it's hard. I want to get a job to start everything.. but I'm so limited to where I can go to find one it's hard. I don't know anymore. I just feel like giving up, giving in, doing the inevitable homeless shit. I'm at my moms for now, but I don't wanna be here. lol I don't wanna be anywhere. No matter where I go, it's with someone who I don't want to be around. (Not you dad, you I plan on including in my life no matter what happens.) A shitty car... that's all I need. That's all I need to be able to get farther.. so first i need a shitty job... but damnit the job is so hard to find and would be easier if I had a car to get to it. I loath winter... I hate it with a passion. I'm filled with such anger and hate these days. I'm so negative and weak and sore. So convinced that no matter what i try I wont make it through this. My optimism has reached it's end. All that's left is sorrow, regret, and pain. The only happiness in my life that i can hold onto is James. He's my only escape...
It's time I took a step and didn't jump back from it.
He doesn't know it yet, but from now on, I live for him.
There's only this.
Forget, regret,
or life is yours to miss.
No other road.
No other way.
No day but today...
-------------
Sometimes I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction. Then I look around and realize that I did THAT a LONG time ago, and it shouldn't be a new fact. I used to have no regrets for anything.. but this last summer I think did it in for me.. Too many things were done upon other things that I had done previously. I'm haunted by my past. When I sleep.. when I dream... when I wake and when I live each day, no matter where I go my past is here to touch me, choke me... throw me down. I wanna fix it all.. but it's hard. I want to get a job to start everything.. but I'm so limited to where I can go to find one it's hard. I don't know anymore. I just feel like giving up, giving in, doing the inevitable homeless shit. I'm at my moms for now, but I don't wanna be here. lol I don't wanna be anywhere. No matter where I go, it's with someone who I don't want to be around. (Not you dad, you I plan on including in my life no matter what happens.) A shitty car... that's all I need. That's all I need to be able to get farther.. so first i need a shitty job... but damnit the job is so hard to find and would be easier if I had a car to get to it. I loath winter... I hate it with a passion. I'm filled with such anger and hate these days. I'm so negative and weak and sore. So convinced that no matter what i try I wont make it through this. My optimism has reached it's end. All that's left is sorrow, regret, and pain. The only happiness in my life that i can hold onto is James. He's my only escape...
It's time I took a step and didn't jump back from it.
He doesn't know it yet, but from now on, I live for him.