(no subject)
Subject: You wanna know what I hate?
Start Time:
End Time: 11:02
Date: Monday, November 08, 2004
Music: Evanescence
Alecsis wanted me to tell her all the things I hate/that bother me about her. Well, Here are some of the things:
I hate what you did to me in Louisiana. I hate how you would dump me while I was at work. Better yet, I hate how you would get drunk, drive up to my work, call me outside, and dump me. I hate how you would tell all my friends how much you love me, then turn around and break me. I hate how you started fucking around with Georgie IN OUR HOME. I hate how you would never make them leave, and if they did leave- you left me alone. You always fucking left me alone. I would wake up from a nightmare and be alone in (what was suppose to be) our home… in our bed. I don’t even want to here that I “needed to sleep” or any bull shit like that because you sure weren’t worried about me getting sleep when I was working 9pm-7am and 7am-4pm every fucking day. All you cared about was my tip money. My tip money = drug money. You put drugs before me in a way I never thought you would in Louisiana. You put everything before me there. I was shit to you. You were everything to me and I was shit to you!!! You were my life, and you were almost my death. I was going to fucking kill myself because of you!! You had that much power over me. I hate that too. I hate that you know how to get me. You always have. Yeah, You can’t get me as you use too. You still get me though. I swear, if you would have fucked me over 1 less time in our past, I would be with you now. I wouldn’t be able to fight all your pretty things and empty promises. I can though. I know how you are. You aren’t the lex I fell in love with. Fuck, I don’t even know if she exist. I don’t know who you are… but all I can see you as is the girl who broke me. Yeah, I’m trying to see past that- but I can’t help but feel it just about every time I hear your voice. I hate your voice. I hate that the “I here” and “I wugged” and all that stuff still make me smile. I hate that you make me smile. I hate it because I feel weak when I smile because of you. It’s scary for you to know I am smiling. You know how to stop the smile, you did it before. I’m scared to be happy. I’m scared to except love. I’m scared that everyone is another version of YOU! I hate that you promised me forever. I hate that I believed you. I hate that we planned our wedding and our kids names and our whole fucking life because now it seems like it was a waste of time!!! I hate that you know my hopes and dreams because I feel like I don’t have them anymore because I gave it all to you. I put my heart and my soul in your hands and you stomped on them. You stomped on them, then tried to dust them off when it was convenient for you! I hate that I was such a fucking convenience! I hate that I didn’t just leave when you took my ring back for the thousandth time. I hate that stupid ring. I love it, but I hate it. I hate what it stands for. I see it standing for my love for you. For my dedication to you. For my promise to you. You didn’t love me, you didn’t want me forever, and you sure weren’t dedicated to me. I hate stupid fucking yahoo messenger. I haven’t been on it since we broke up. Even if I had the net at home, I don’t think I could use it. I hate that that fucking profile for “LexLovestheLadies” is still up. I hate that I have checked to see. I hate you for cheating on me. I hate that you lied to me. I hate everything !!! I hate Amy. I hate how you fucked with my head over her when Georgie and Ashley were around. She was ugly. She was ugly but she was a piece of ass, huh? I hate that you would leave me and go drink there THEN LIE ABOUT SPENDING MONEY. Then, give me a rose and expect everything to be fine. I hate how I always forgave you. I hate how much I wanted everything to be fine. I hate how much I wanted you. I wanted you to be mine, but you belonged to everyone. You had me, and I had no one. The only thing I felt like I could trust was our cat. I couldn’t even talk to my friends about how I felt because I wanted them to like you so bad. I hate that I pushed everyone away because I only wanted you close. I hate that I lost Heather for a while because of shit you wrote in your journal. I hate that you lied to her and told her I didn’t want her in your mothers house. You know all I said was I didn’t want to see her… so I stayed upstairs in the tub. You had to make me seem like a bigger bitch though, didn’t you? You always did. I wonder what all you said behind my back. I wonder what lies you told everyone about me. I hate all you lies and half truths. I hate how you lied to make me hate Heather from the day I met her, I hate that I will never know the truth about any of you lies because I STILL FUCKING BELIEVE YOUR BULLSHIT!!!!!!! Like- I’ll never know what really happen that night outside Heather’s house. I’ll never know where my guitar is. I’ll never know any fucking thing!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *Deep breath * You know… there’s more. I just feel drained thanks to this little rant. I have to go.
Start Time:
End Time: 11:02
Date: Monday, November 08, 2004
Music: Evanescence
Alecsis wanted me to tell her all the things I hate/that bother me about her. Well, Here are some of the things:
I hate what you did to me in Louisiana. I hate how you would dump me while I was at work. Better yet, I hate how you would get drunk, drive up to my work, call me outside, and dump me. I hate how you would tell all my friends how much you love me, then turn around and break me. I hate how you started fucking around with Georgie IN OUR HOME. I hate how you would never make them leave, and if they did leave- you left me alone. You always fucking left me alone. I would wake up from a nightmare and be alone in (what was suppose to be) our home… in our bed. I don’t even want to here that I “needed to sleep” or any bull shit like that because you sure weren’t worried about me getting sleep when I was working 9pm-7am and 7am-4pm every fucking day. All you cared about was my tip money. My tip money = drug money. You put drugs before me in a way I never thought you would in Louisiana. You put everything before me there. I was shit to you. You were everything to me and I was shit to you!!! You were my life, and you were almost my death. I was going to fucking kill myself because of you!! You had that much power over me. I hate that too. I hate that you know how to get me. You always have. Yeah, You can’t get me as you use too. You still get me though. I swear, if you would have fucked me over 1 less time in our past, I would be with you now. I wouldn’t be able to fight all your pretty things and empty promises. I can though. I know how you are. You aren’t the lex I fell in love with. Fuck, I don’t even know if she exist. I don’t know who you are… but all I can see you as is the girl who broke me. Yeah, I’m trying to see past that- but I can’t help but feel it just about every time I hear your voice. I hate your voice. I hate that the “I here” and “I wugged” and all that stuff still make me smile. I hate that you make me smile. I hate it because I feel weak when I smile because of you. It’s scary for you to know I am smiling. You know how to stop the smile, you did it before. I’m scared to be happy. I’m scared to except love. I’m scared that everyone is another version of YOU! I hate that you promised me forever. I hate that I believed you. I hate that we planned our wedding and our kids names and our whole fucking life because now it seems like it was a waste of time!!! I hate that you know my hopes and dreams because I feel like I don’t have them anymore because I gave it all to you. I put my heart and my soul in your hands and you stomped on them. You stomped on them, then tried to dust them off when it was convenient for you! I hate that I was such a fucking convenience! I hate that I didn’t just leave when you took my ring back for the thousandth time. I hate that stupid ring. I love it, but I hate it. I hate what it stands for. I see it standing for my love for you. For my dedication to you. For my promise to you. You didn’t love me, you didn’t want me forever, and you sure weren’t dedicated to me. I hate stupid fucking yahoo messenger. I haven’t been on it since we broke up. Even if I had the net at home, I don’t think I could use it. I hate that that fucking profile for “LexLovestheLadies” is still up. I hate that I have checked to see. I hate you for cheating on me. I hate that you lied to me. I hate everything !!! I hate Amy. I hate how you fucked with my head over her when Georgie and Ashley were around. She was ugly. She was ugly but she was a piece of ass, huh? I hate that you would leave me and go drink there THEN LIE ABOUT SPENDING MONEY. Then, give me a rose and expect everything to be fine. I hate how I always forgave you. I hate how much I wanted everything to be fine. I hate how much I wanted you. I wanted you to be mine, but you belonged to everyone. You had me, and I had no one. The only thing I felt like I could trust was our cat. I couldn’t even talk to my friends about how I felt because I wanted them to like you so bad. I hate that I pushed everyone away because I only wanted you close. I hate that I lost Heather for a while because of shit you wrote in your journal. I hate that you lied to her and told her I didn’t want her in your mothers house. You know all I said was I didn’t want to see her… so I stayed upstairs in the tub. You had to make me seem like a bigger bitch though, didn’t you? You always did. I wonder what all you said behind my back. I wonder what lies you told everyone about me. I hate all you lies and half truths. I hate how you lied to make me hate Heather from the day I met her, I hate that I will never know the truth about any of you lies because I STILL FUCKING BELIEVE YOUR BULLSHIT!!!!!!! Like- I’ll never know what really happen that night outside Heather’s house. I’ll never know where my guitar is. I’ll never know any fucking thing!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *Deep breath * You know… there’s more. I just feel drained thanks to this little rant. I have to go.