(no subject)
What a mess life can be sometimes. Is it just me or is there always different points in life where you're just not sure which way to turn...what's coming next...or where to go. I'm at one of those points right now. There are so many different things running through my mind lately I am having troubles keeping track of them. It's thrown me off a few times recently. A lot of things seem to be building up, and before I can solve one thing another problem is stacked on making the load even heavier forcing the pressure of everything down further. It makes it more difficult to fix things. At least for me it does.
This is a rant as much as it is my head not turning off and needing somewhere to put the thoughts down.
Someone told me the other day I was a bad mother. Someone close to the home and that really bothers me. Hurts me, upsets me, it actually causes a sharp pain in the area of my chest that my heart lays. There aren't many things in my past I have been proud of but my children is one of them. They are beautiful, healthy, smart, amazing children! They never go without food or clothing. They have always had a roof over their heads. I do homework with them on a daily basis and I attend booster meetings for wrestling. I have worked 65 hr. weeks to make sure that my babies get everything they need and have some of the privliges that I never had as a child. I am not perfect by any means. I mean seriously what is a perfect parent? Does someone of that nature even exist? My boys did not come with instruction manuals, but parenting is learned from people around you and by making errors and correcting them. You show me the perfect parent and I'll shit myself. No, seriously! Anyway, that really burns to hear coming from someone you care deeply for.
I think that a few of my life expierences have hindered my enjoyment in life to a certain extent. I'm sure it is not just me but many others too. Like a kid who was in some sort of an accident say in the water. The child then develops a fear of the water. A fear that the same thing will happen again. In time the child learns to re-adjust to the water and then learns to swim building his/her confidence in the water once again. I compare romance to the child that never learns how to swim. That fear grows everytime they sink to the bottom or suck water through their nasel passage. How long does it take before they never step a foot in the water again. Does it vary with each child? Levels of fear, and different forms of upbringing can affect the endurance and determination of each child. The water being a metaphor for romantic relationships and heartache. Is it my fear of being hurt again that is pushing me away. In my scatter of chaos that is my life have I not noticed that I am pushing him away. Or am I just trying to find a reason for everything so I can explain the unexplainable to myself for comfort. I have absolutely not idea. And a very sore fractured pinky.
Nighty nighy
This is a rant as much as it is my head not turning off and needing somewhere to put the thoughts down.
Someone told me the other day I was a bad mother. Someone close to the home and that really bothers me. Hurts me, upsets me, it actually causes a sharp pain in the area of my chest that my heart lays. There aren't many things in my past I have been proud of but my children is one of them. They are beautiful, healthy, smart, amazing children! They never go without food or clothing. They have always had a roof over their heads. I do homework with them on a daily basis and I attend booster meetings for wrestling. I have worked 65 hr. weeks to make sure that my babies get everything they need and have some of the privliges that I never had as a child. I am not perfect by any means. I mean seriously what is a perfect parent? Does someone of that nature even exist? My boys did not come with instruction manuals, but parenting is learned from people around you and by making errors and correcting them. You show me the perfect parent and I'll shit myself. No, seriously! Anyway, that really burns to hear coming from someone you care deeply for.
I think that a few of my life expierences have hindered my enjoyment in life to a certain extent. I'm sure it is not just me but many others too. Like a kid who was in some sort of an accident say in the water. The child then develops a fear of the water. A fear that the same thing will happen again. In time the child learns to re-adjust to the water and then learns to swim building his/her confidence in the water once again. I compare romance to the child that never learns how to swim. That fear grows everytime they sink to the bottom or suck water through their nasel passage. How long does it take before they never step a foot in the water again. Does it vary with each child? Levels of fear, and different forms of upbringing can affect the endurance and determination of each child. The water being a metaphor for romantic relationships and heartache. Is it my fear of being hurt again that is pushing me away. In my scatter of chaos that is my life have I not noticed that I am pushing him away. Or am I just trying to find a reason for everything so I can explain the unexplainable to myself for comfort. I have absolutely not idea. And a very sore fractured pinky.
Nighty nighy