I know it's been a long time, so in case you can't guess, this is Ashley. I just want to let you know that I wasn't pretending to be your friend... I wanted to stop communicating with you for different reasons, and I stopped talking to most of my online friends, not just you (although there were only a few others, really). Last night I had a dream that I started talking to you again on some messenger, and at first you were pretending to not know who I was, and just when you had almost convinced me, you said ">)"... and then I kept sending you something annoying in my messages that popped up different options in the messenger, so then finally you explained that was annoying and sent something even more annoying, and it was funny. (...)
Anyway... I don't know exactly why I'm writing this. I do have a new journal now (this one), but I don't update it very often, and I'm not actually online or even on the computer as much anymore either. Mainly I just wanted to let you know I wasn't pretending to be your friend... and that I even still think about you or dream about you sometimes, and I also still remember most of our inside jokes. If you reply to this it would be nice, but I'll also understand if you don't want to, because I've stopped talking to you a couple of times now. I can't say I've changed or that I will change... at least not in that way... I have my problems... but I find I still want to talk to you, so maybe I should try.
>) You know... I do think about you every once in a while, and it really hurt me when you said what you did but I forgave you because I felt like you needed to take your own path and go your own way.
There's been so many times when I saw your number in my phone and wanted to call you and forgot that we weren't friends and then finding all these notes that I wrote stuff down on to tell you, like the one in Misery...
My screenname on AIM is now hiparishiltonsex and you are more than willing ... ... I mean.. ... >) @ that You are more than welcome to message me on that.
I don't expect this, but if you ever chose to stop talking to me again, I would understand... not understand as in I understand why you would, but understand in that I understand that you feel the need to for some reason. I don't know if that made sense or not, but if it didn't, you can read a book and maybe that will make sense. (>) @ that)
Oh... (...) There are a lot of music things and books that I wanted to introduce you to, as well... if you want.
AND I'm not sure if you saw it or not, but I am engaged and his name is Matt and I am finally happy with my life... and I wasn't when I knew you and I know sometimes I brought you down and didn't mean to... anyway, I have to go to work so I'll talk to you later.
Whenever I've stopped talking to you (... @ it's been like 2 or 3 times now) it never feels right somehow... and I always find myself casually (...) thinking about our inside jokes throughout my daily life.
>) @ being weird
Do you still have my number? If so, don't call me yet. (...) But we should talk on the phone again at some point.
>) @ remembering there was something you wrote down to tell me about Misery, but not what it was.
I'll message you sometime if I catch you online... I'm going out today but I'll leave the computer on and Trillian running, and I should be back later tonight, though it might actually be late. (... @ I said later)
Sometimes I need time by myself... I've gone through a lot and probably also changed a lot over the past few years... and in some ways I still don't know much even about myself, and am still learning about how I will react and deal with certain things.
If you want to introduce me to things, that would be nice. Maybe I can introduce you to some music and book things as well. Probably not as much books since I haven't been reading a lot.
>) @ giving a boring response
I did see your entry about being engaged...
>) @ talking normally
... @ interrupting myself
Anyway, I'm not engaged. (... @ if I was) But I do have a boyfriend now. Which is the closest I've ever been to being engaged.
>) @ that
I'm going to go out in a little while, like I think I said earlier (... @ not re-reading this before sending it), so I have to get ready now. 'Bye.
'>)
>)
...
(... @ me)
Oh!
>) @ actually re-reading it in preview mode now
I forgot to say >) @ you keeping our inside jokes in your interests. ... @ still remembering all of them, but I forgot how some of them originated.
>) @ listening to Everybody Hurts by R.E.M. (T.M.) (>) @ me) the other day and laughing at the part that sounds like "Don't throw your ham, ooh"
Anyway... I don't know exactly why I'm writing this. I do have a new journal now (this one), but I don't update it very often, and I'm not actually online or even on the computer as much anymore either. Mainly I just wanted to let you know I wasn't pretending to be your friend... and that I even still think about you or dream about you sometimes, and I also still remember most of our inside jokes. If you reply to this it would be nice, but I'll also understand if you don't want to, because I've stopped talking to you a couple of times now. I can't say I've changed or that I will change... at least not in that way... I have my problems... but I find I still want to talk to you, so maybe I should try.
Reply
>)
You know... I do think about you every once in a while, and it really hurt me when you said what you did but I forgave you because I felt like you needed to take your own path and go your own way.
There's been so many times when I saw your number in my phone and wanted to call you and forgot that we weren't friends and then finding all these notes that I wrote stuff down on to tell you, like the one in Misery...
My screenname on AIM is now hiparishiltonsex and you are more than willing ... ...
I mean..
... >) @ that
You are more than welcome to message me on that.
I don't expect this, but if you ever chose to stop talking to me again, I would understand... not understand as in I understand why you would, but understand in that I understand that you feel the need to for some reason. I don't know if that made sense or not, but if it didn't, you can read a book and maybe that will make sense. (>) @ that)
Oh...
(...)
There are a lot of music things and books that I wanted to introduce you to, as well... if you want.
AND I'm not sure if you saw it or not, but I am engaged and his name is Matt and I am finally happy with my life... and I wasn't when I knew you and I know sometimes I brought you down and didn't mean to... anyway, I have to go to work so I'll talk to you later.
(... @ actually talking somewhat normally to you)
Reply
>)
Whenever I've stopped talking to you (... @ it's been like 2 or 3 times now) it never feels right somehow... and I always find myself casually (...) thinking about our inside jokes throughout my daily life.
>) @ being weird
Do you still have my number? If so, don't call me yet. (...) But we should talk on the phone again at some point.
>) @ remembering there was something you wrote down to tell me about Misery, but not what it was.
I'll message you sometime if I catch you online... I'm going out today but I'll leave the computer on and Trillian running, and I should be back later tonight, though it might actually be late. (... @ I said later)
Sometimes I need time by myself... I've gone through a lot and probably also changed a lot over the past few years... and in some ways I still don't know much even about myself, and am still learning about how I will react and deal with certain things.
If you want to introduce me to things, that would be nice. Maybe I can introduce you to some music and book things as well. Probably not as much books since I haven't been reading a lot.
>) @ giving a boring response
I did see your entry about being engaged...
>) @ talking normally
... @ interrupting myself
Anyway, I'm not engaged. (... @ if I was) But I do have a boyfriend now. Which is the closest I've ever been to being engaged.
>) @ that
I'm going to go out in a little while, like I think I said earlier (... @ not re-reading this before sending it), so I have to get ready now. 'Bye.
'>)
>)
...
(... @ me)
Oh!
>) @ actually re-reading it in preview mode now
I forgot to say >) @ you keeping our inside jokes in your interests. ... @ still remembering all of them, but I forgot how some of them originated.
>) @ listening to Everybody Hurts by R.E.M. (T.M.) (>) @ me) the other day and laughing at the part that sounds like "Don't throw your ham, ooh"
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