Sometimes you're so scared of getting hurt...
you forget there's a chance you might not. i told Jeff i didn't like him, i said that earlier, duh. well anyways the thing is i'm giving up a big chance here, if i don't say anything soon then well...nothing will ever happen. if i would have just told him how i felt there might have been something there. i don't know, i over-analyze everything way too much. seriously it's gonna get me into a lot of trouble. it's already gotten me really hurt in the past. in the recent past actually and it sucks because now i'm more afraid then ever. i mean i'm only 17 it's not like i'm stupid enough to expect my "soul mate" to be the next guy i date. and hell i'm not even talking about wanting to date jeff, i'm just saying i like him and want to get to know him more. but it's like the end of the year and my chance is slipping away rather fast. i can't just sit around thinking about what i will do and never actually do anything. i can't expect him to read my mind and try to get to know me better even though i've claimed not to like him. i mean he's a guy, he's not gonna try to read minds. i said i didn't like him straight up and if i don't say otherwise really soon i...i don't know. i'm just so completely confused that it's not even funny. he may not have even cared either way whether i like him or not. it might have made no difference whatsoever if i didn't say anything to him. i just don't know, i'm running out of time to figure this all out and i have to do something about it soon. god i hate this i hate it all, why does life have to be so goddamn confusing??