change
some people have beer or liquor. some people have weed or coke. for myself, i have food. food is my drug. food makes me happy. i eat. i eat more. i eat when i need not eat. i can't stop. i don't know when to stop.
for years i have been proud of the fact that i'm not some asshole who has to go out and drink eight beers after work to deal with life, or go out on break from work and smoke a bowl. it's not that i think i'm better than people who do these things, i've tried 'em, and i just don't get it. they do nothing for me. i'm glad i'm not like every other person with my last name who has to drink themselves retarded every day. i'm glad i'm not like some people in my family, and some people i went to school with, who are now, at least temporarily, ruined from hardcore drugs.
in high school i never got drunk, i never got high, and i never got laid. and it's not because i was "straight edge", or because i didn't have access to these things... all of which could have easily happened... i just didn't care. i didn't care about drinking, smoking, or fucking. yeah, i smoked the occasional cigarette, but i can count the number of full packs i've smoked on one hand.
i've been drunk maybe five times. and it's terrible. i have no excuse for getting drunk, other than me being an asshole. i can't be around drunk people. especially people i love. maybe it's all of those summers i spent with my dad. him and his girlfriend getting wasted. taking me to a bar. letting me play pool (which i recently found out in vegas w/my long lost friend amanda brown, i can no longer play) and darts, and those stupid pull-tab lotto things. all of these things suck. i hate drunk people, yet i've been drunk myself... this i can't explain, but i haven't drank in a very long time. ---rambling---
moving on.
i may not kill myself with booze or smoke, but i am killing myself with food. since graduating high school i've gained like 35lbs. this is insane. i was never skinny, but i was in decent shape. but i can't stop eating shit. i eat for no reason sometimes, at least i don't think there is a reason. it really is an addiction. yeah, everyone eats, but not everyone eats like me. i know i have/or at least am close to having diabetes. i suffer from hypertension, untreated of course. i'm twenty-two, and have hypertension! my back hurts due to my excess weight. i generally feel like crap all of the time. and it is all due to eating shit. i have recently been trying my best to not eat such crap but it is hard, and i can only hope that i can stop it, take control of my life and health, and get better. if not, i'm going to die. heart attack. stroke. cancer. whatever... i need to change.
fuck shitty food
fuck booze
fuck drugs
fuck smoke
fuck fucking even... for good measure
for years i have been proud of the fact that i'm not some asshole who has to go out and drink eight beers after work to deal with life, or go out on break from work and smoke a bowl. it's not that i think i'm better than people who do these things, i've tried 'em, and i just don't get it. they do nothing for me. i'm glad i'm not like every other person with my last name who has to drink themselves retarded every day. i'm glad i'm not like some people in my family, and some people i went to school with, who are now, at least temporarily, ruined from hardcore drugs.
in high school i never got drunk, i never got high, and i never got laid. and it's not because i was "straight edge", or because i didn't have access to these things... all of which could have easily happened... i just didn't care. i didn't care about drinking, smoking, or fucking. yeah, i smoked the occasional cigarette, but i can count the number of full packs i've smoked on one hand.
i've been drunk maybe five times. and it's terrible. i have no excuse for getting drunk, other than me being an asshole. i can't be around drunk people. especially people i love. maybe it's all of those summers i spent with my dad. him and his girlfriend getting wasted. taking me to a bar. letting me play pool (which i recently found out in vegas w/my long lost friend amanda brown, i can no longer play) and darts, and those stupid pull-tab lotto things. all of these things suck. i hate drunk people, yet i've been drunk myself... this i can't explain, but i haven't drank in a very long time. ---rambling---
moving on.
i may not kill myself with booze or smoke, but i am killing myself with food. since graduating high school i've gained like 35lbs. this is insane. i was never skinny, but i was in decent shape. but i can't stop eating shit. i eat for no reason sometimes, at least i don't think there is a reason. it really is an addiction. yeah, everyone eats, but not everyone eats like me. i know i have/or at least am close to having diabetes. i suffer from hypertension, untreated of course. i'm twenty-two, and have hypertension! my back hurts due to my excess weight. i generally feel like crap all of the time. and it is all due to eating shit. i have recently been trying my best to not eat such crap but it is hard, and i can only hope that i can stop it, take control of my life and health, and get better. if not, i'm going to die. heart attack. stroke. cancer. whatever... i need to change.
fuck shitty food
fuck booze
fuck drugs
fuck smoke
fuck fucking even... for good measure