Joy and Sorrow
So, today I started out dragging myself out of bed for my placement. I kind of went in a blur but I had a lot of fun when I got there. The kids were doing a writing project about an "Autobiographical Incident" and doing peer editing. It was really interesting to see what they wrote about, as well as the wide range of writing abilities. Some wrote beautifully in terms of description but used the pronouns I and Me incorrectly, as tends to be typical of inner city slang. Some wrote amazing stories, florishing with description which were easily on the 8th or 9th grade level. Some wrote stories that would probably be interesting, if they weren't quite so incoherent through lack of grammar skills.
While the teacher left the room to use the restroom she told the class to work on their conclusions. One of the kids started asking me questions about myself, and while I answered one or two briefly, I told him and his classmates to get back to work. "But your life is so much more interesting than our stories!" he said.
"Nice try, do your assignment" I replied. He looked amused that I'd caught him, went "darn I thought it would work", and went back to writing. I think he's one of my favorites. Each class I've observed has one kid who seems very intelligent but to be a bit of a trouble maker, and he's that kid in this class.
It was funny, however, as the teacher later caught one of the girls doing something she shouldn't, scolded her, and told me the students think that teachers were born yesterday. "Actually two days ago" the girl mumbled audibly enough that I could hear her from a close by seat, though that the teacher, already one with her lesson, either couldn't hear it or decided to ignore it. (More likely the latter I think)
It was funny to see this same girl later passing a journal book back and forth in class with a friend so they could pass notes. I remember this same teacher yelling at me for the exact same thing in middle school, and feeling terribly ashamed as I was generally one of the good kids. But all in all today was a lot of fun, working with the kids, reading their work, and getting to remember what it's like to think you can outsmart your teacher. (Forgetting she was once in seventh grade too.)
But then i came back, and though I was tired I stopped for lunch. But Dishie was sitting with Klaudia and even going over to say hi to Dishie felt super awkward since Klaudia still won't even look at me. Making it worse was Dishie's attempt to defuse the situation by telling me she was about to leave (ie don't sit here.) Like I would. Like being give the beyond cold shoulder (the invisible shoulder I suppose) didn't indicate enough that I wasn't welcome. While Klaudia and I talked about this (online since she won't look at me) it doesn't make it any easier or me any happier about it, and I've come to a point in my life where I can think only one thing:
I'm sick of this shit.
I just simply shouldn't have to feel bad about greeting my best friend in the dining hall when I want to tell her about the super-amazing time I had at my placement. I shouldn't have to feel guilty as though I'm invading an anti-Kate zone what had a big red caution tape around it or something. So why do I feel so sad?
While the teacher left the room to use the restroom she told the class to work on their conclusions. One of the kids started asking me questions about myself, and while I answered one or two briefly, I told him and his classmates to get back to work. "But your life is so much more interesting than our stories!" he said.
"Nice try, do your assignment" I replied. He looked amused that I'd caught him, went "darn I thought it would work", and went back to writing. I think he's one of my favorites. Each class I've observed has one kid who seems very intelligent but to be a bit of a trouble maker, and he's that kid in this class.
It was funny, however, as the teacher later caught one of the girls doing something she shouldn't, scolded her, and told me the students think that teachers were born yesterday. "Actually two days ago" the girl mumbled audibly enough that I could hear her from a close by seat, though that the teacher, already one with her lesson, either couldn't hear it or decided to ignore it. (More likely the latter I think)
It was funny to see this same girl later passing a journal book back and forth in class with a friend so they could pass notes. I remember this same teacher yelling at me for the exact same thing in middle school, and feeling terribly ashamed as I was generally one of the good kids. But all in all today was a lot of fun, working with the kids, reading their work, and getting to remember what it's like to think you can outsmart your teacher. (Forgetting she was once in seventh grade too.)
But then i came back, and though I was tired I stopped for lunch. But Dishie was sitting with Klaudia and even going over to say hi to Dishie felt super awkward since Klaudia still won't even look at me. Making it worse was Dishie's attempt to defuse the situation by telling me she was about to leave (ie don't sit here.) Like I would. Like being give the beyond cold shoulder (the invisible shoulder I suppose) didn't indicate enough that I wasn't welcome. While Klaudia and I talked about this (online since she won't look at me) it doesn't make it any easier or me any happier about it, and I've come to a point in my life where I can think only one thing:
I'm sick of this shit.
I just simply shouldn't have to feel bad about greeting my best friend in the dining hall when I want to tell her about the super-amazing time I had at my placement. I shouldn't have to feel guilty as though I'm invading an anti-Kate zone what had a big red caution tape around it or something. So why do I feel so sad?