The Trouble with Shige (News gen fic PG-13)
Title: The Trouble with Shige
Author: kaminikaku
Characters/Groups: News, Shige, Massu, Koyama
Genre: Friendship with a touch of angst
Rating: PG13 due to alcohol abuse
Disclaimer: Not mine, they are their own persons, etc.
Warnings: None really!
Author's Notes: Massu and Shige have a regular routine when catching up over dinner. When alcohol is involved, Massu knows that Shige is worried about something, and he then does his best to discover what is troubling Shige.
Thanks to my beta for handholding and checking, and encouragement. I hope you enjoy this, I had lots of fun writing it!
This was originally written for sanjihan as part of the the JE Just Friends fic exchange, which was an absolute blast to be part of of, and produced some lovely fic to read as well. Go see what I mean here.
***
Massu checked his wallet once, and then again, just to make sure. Yes, it was completely empty. There was absolutely no help for it, he was going to have to call ... the one person that Shige had forbidden him to call.
Beside him, Shige kept tapping the empty shot glass on the bar. The bartender was doing an admirable job of ignoring him. Seeing the state of drunkeness that Shige was determinedly attempting to achieve, the bartender had been getting progressively slower at refilling his glass, a fact which Massu was intensely grateful for, as was his now empty wallet.
The night had started out a lot easier, and he was still not entirely sure exactly how they had ended up like this. No, that was not entirely true. He knew precisely how they had ended up like this.
**
“Can you come to dinner tonight? My treat!!!”
Such an innocent invitation sent by text message, and Massu had happily accepted it. Dinner with Shige was always fun, and had happily been a more regular occurrence lately thanks to Soukon filming. He had smiled when his phone had chirped at him again, the new message sign blinking enthusiastically.
Nine o'clock had found him waiting in a corner booth at their latest favourite ramen shop, hands wrapped around a steaming cup of green tea. Shige had arrived not long after, brushed snowflakes off his shoulders, and quickly unwound his scarf. Massu pushed a waiting cup of tea towards him, and Shige happily rubbed his chilled fingers over the smooth ceramic cup.
“I've ordered miso ramen, cha han and a few serves of yakitori to start,” Massu grinned at Shige, and then added, “And two beers.”
“What, no gyoza?” Shige raised an eyebrow.
Massu smirked in reponse. “No. No gyoza. I thought we had agreed after last time that there was only one place in Tokyo where we can order both ramen and gyoza.”
“True. No one makes gyoza like Kei's mother does,” Shige nodded, and Massu noticed how he was stretching the fingers of his gloves. He started with the little finger on the left hand and then methodically worked his way across one glove, then started with the thumb on the right hand, and worked his way back and forth across all ten fingers. It was almost hypnotic.
“My mother does,” Massu stated quite firmly. “They might even be slightly better.”
Shige flashed a smile at him. “Then, next time, we should eat at your place. It's been years since I had any of your Mum's gyoza.”
Massu pretended to think about it seriously, before finally nodding. “That should be OK. Although, we should probably not invite Kei-chan, because he would have to be polite about the gyoza and tell my mother it was the best gyoza he had ever had, and that would probably break his heart, because we all know how much he loves his own Mum's gyoza.”
Shige snorted, and Massu kept a straight face as he continued. “That would be awful. Not to mention,” he paused, reeling Shige in. “I think his Mum's ramen might be better than my Mum's ramen.”
Massu bit his lip, trying to out-wait Shige, but he could not help it. He laughed, and Shige joined in, the laughter ringing between them. The silence that finally fell between them was comfortable, so Massu let it lie. If Shige was worried about something, he would tell him sooner or later. At this point, it was certainly looking like later.
The food arrived quickly, and they wasted no time in devouring it. Shige paused after his first mouthful to grin at Massu and say, “If nothing else, Soukon is good for letting us eat ramen without fear, right?”
Massu grinned back and said, “Hmmm, I am not sure if even ramen can improve your running.”
Shige pretended to glare at him. “I still have not forgiven the three of you for making me train with Takano-san. That was so hard.”
“Yet, somehow you managed to complete all his training and you succeeded in running under the target time,” Massu held Shige's gaze. “As we expected you to you know.”
“It was still hard!”
“Of course it was. We wouldn't have made you do it otherwise.”
Massu smiled at the expression on Shige's face. On Tegoshi's face, it would have been a pout. Shige would of course never accept that description. Whatever you wanted to call it, Shige was definitely sulking.
“At least I made the time.”
“As I said, we knew you would make it, we knew you could do it, so we weren't worried,” Massu slurped up the last of his noodles, and set the bowl aside. “Now, tell me what's bothering you.”
“Nothing is bothering me. I am fine.”
Massu stared rather impassively at him.
“I am fine!”
Massu continued to stare.
“Nothing! I am fine!”
Finally Massu nodded, and yanked his wallet out of his jacket. Shige protested, “I told you this was my treat!”
“I know,” Massu counted quickly through the bills, checking he had a reasonable amount. “Don't worry, you are paying for dinner. I am just making sure I have enough to cover karaoke and a few drinks.”
“Karaoke? I don't think I am up to karaoke tonight.”
Massu smiled and mentally patted himself on the back. Shige only ever refused a karaoke outing if there was something bothering him. Hopefully alcohol would help him open up about what it was sooner rather than later.
**
The first six shots of tequila were consumed at a reasonable pace that allowed speaking and breathing between them.
The next four were consumed one after the other in quick succession with the final result of Shige laying his head on the bar as a wave of dizziness swept over him. Massu subtly caught the bartender's eye, and a round of water was served up next.
“So, even though I know that there is nothing wrong, as you keep telling me there is nothing wrong, how about instead you tell me what is on your mind?”
Shige stared at him, and Massu suppressed a laugh as he watched Shige work through his sentence, and puzzle out exactly what he had said. Shige may be accurately described as clever, but alcohol certainly did not make him quicker at understanding conversations. He frowned, and then said, “No.”
“Well then, I guess it's time to call it a night,” Massu pulled out his phone, and made a great show of scrolling through his contacts list. “I should probably call Koyama, he should be able to …”
“No!” Shige grabbed at the phone, and the sudden movement almost sent him headfirst onto the floor. Massu dropped the phone onto the bar, and grabbed Shige's shoulders, pushing him slowly upright. Shige groaned and laid his head onto the bar, trying to keep the dizziness at bay.
Massu nudged a glass of water towards him, and then quietly picked up his phone. He checked his messages, sent one short request of his own, and then laid a supportive hand on Shige's shoulder. In a tone that brooked no further argument, he said, “I really think it is time you told me what is going on with you.”
Even though he knew it was going to be useless, Shige still tried to get out of it. “Kei has a Korean test tomorrow, and he has to study tonight.”
Massu said nothing, merely looked at him impassively.
“He does. He has to study. You know how serious he is about his language studies these days.”
“OK, so Koyama has to study. That I can understand, and that's a good enough reason for me not to call him for a ride.”
Shige nodded and rested his head on the bar once more.
“So, why don't you tell me about what's really bothering you? I know something is bothering you, so you may as well tell me about it.”
Shige took a deep breath, and gripped the glass of water. He sat up straighter, and as if it was a glass of tequila instead of water he lifted it to his mouth, and drained it with a practised twist of his wrist. Another glass appeared almost magically in front of him, and Massu flashed a quick smile of appreciation at her. She flushed, and ducked her head before hurrying away to fill an order elsewhere.
Shige sipped at his next glass of water, and finally said, “They announced my drama role this morning.”
Finally they were getting somewhere. Massu took a sip of water from his own glass. “They did? Congratulations. Now it's official you can start talking about it, right?”
Shige nodded, but remained silent.
Massu prodded harder, knowing the truth was finally close. Shige however never gave up his concerns that easily. So give him a distraction, and then try another angle, that usually worked. “Are you getting your Waghai nikki back?”
A smile appeared, and Massu almost laughed at how quickly Shige's mood brightened at the thought. “Yes, I get Wagahai back.”
“That's good, right? I know you love writing your Wagahai entries, and I know you miss the connection you have with our fans when they stop the series.”
Shige nodded again, and then sighed deeply. He emptied his glass once more, and began spinning it in lazy circles on the counter. Massu watched it's dizzying path, waiting for an opening. Finally Shige pushed it a little too hard, and it spun away from him, and Massu snatched it away.
“Enough, Shige. You've been drinking tequila like it's your new best friend, and looking more miserable by the second. Either you tell me now or …” Massu paused waiting for a punishment cruel enough to spring to mind. He had gotten as far as threatening to tell Tegoshi that Shige was the one who had accidentally given Honda-san the wrong mobile number when he asked for it, when ...
Shige took a deep breath, laced his fingers together, and straightened his spine. He fixed his gaze on the bar, and said, “They called me a super idol.”
Massu waited.
“Like they think I actually am one.”
Ah, there it was.
“And now people are laughing about it I am sure, talking about me and saying how there is no way that I should be called a super idol.” Shige spoke carefully, trying not to slur his words and only partially succeeding. What was most obvious however was how upset he was, and how hard he was trying to hide it.
“Shige. Are you an idol or not? Massu waited for a response, but Shige was conducting his very own impression of the Hachiko statue. “Seriously, Shige. You already are an idol. They sell photos of you in Takeshita Dori, you are a debuted artist represented by Johnny's Jimusho, Johnny gave you a solo stage show, you have had roles in dramas and plays.”
Shige broke his Hachiko impression long enough to shake his head. He winced at the movement, and Massu wondered if Hachiko was actually the safest option at this point.
“They don't count,” Shige said.
Massu managed to restrain his urge to slap him over the back of his head. “Actually, I think they will count, because they already do count.”
Shige concentrated for a second, making sure he understood Massu. “They don't. And they said I was the second person in News to have a lead role.”
Massu paused, and then grinned. “Hey, that's true! Nishikido has always been in the supporting role, and so have Tegoshi, Koyama and I.” He saw the expression on Shige's face. “Come on Shige, seriously none of us mind. Why would we?”
“I know you don't mind, I know that!” Shige gestured at him, swaying slightly. “I know that ... it's just … I can't do it.”
“So, are you worried about your acting? Or the fact that it's the lead role? If it's your acting, you know that we have people we can call for coaching and support. Sabu-san is directing it, right? He will support you, because he would not have chosen you for the role unless he thought you could do it.”
A glass of tequila suddenly appeared in front of each of them, and the bar tender disappeared again just as quickly.
Massu elbowed Shige gently, trusting in his ability to listen closely even under the influence of his much alcohol. “You played a sex addicted student on stage. You can handle playing the lead role in a television drama, with a supportive director who will guide you. All you have to do is ask for help. You know as well as I do that most television dramas are ensembles anyway. Even though you are the lead, you will not be the only one there.”
“What if I can't do it? What if I embarrass myself? What if I do it so badly they blackban all News members from appearing in other dramas? What if I make it so that no other Johnny ever gets a ...”
“Because you are so good at failing as an actor, you would be able to stop other Johnny's getting drama roles?” Massu levelled an unsmiling stare at Shige who faltered, then took another gulp of tequila. “That's rubbish, Shige and you know it. Come on.”
“I just want to do well at this.”
“Then you will, because I know you will do everything you can to make it work.”
Shige nodded miserably.
“Why are you suddenly so scared of failing?”
Shige took another gulp of tequila, and wheezed suddenly. Massu was almost glad, as he had been starting to worry about Shige's alcohol tolerance. “I don't feel like an idol anymore. I just don't feel like one. We have only just recorded Sakura Girl, and all I could think was how long it had been, and how uncomfortable it felt, and then I thought about how much I wanted to sing that on stage with everyone, and then I thought what if I can't? What if I just ... can't?”
Massu pushed his own glass of tequila over to him. “You have been a Johnny's member almost as long as I have. You have always given it everything you have, and you have never faltered. You made it through the ranks of being a junior, into J-support, into KKKitty, into News. You write your own solos, you sing and you dance on stage in front of 50,000 people at Tokyo Dome. We even ran through central Tokyo for Soukon and people recognised you. You have already done all of those things, Shige. You are an idol. Maybe you are just ... feeling a bit out of practice at the idol bits at the moment.”
Shige took another gulp.
“Shige. Remember the Osaka Tegomass concert when you came on stage with Koyama? Remember the way the fans cheered? Remember 24 Hour TV and how good it felt to do Koi no ABO? Remember Countdown? I know it's been a while since we have had a concert, or a single, but you are an idol, you are a member of News and you always will be. We have fans who write your name on their fan club applications, who buy your photos, your uchiwa, your posters and they look forward to each PhotoShigenic you write. They look forward to reading your interviews, they look forward to seeing News in each magazine and they will now be looking forward to seeing you in a drama each week. It's just nerves, you know it is.”
“Maybe.”
“It is. You are worried and stressed about the drama but excited about the opportunity, excited and stressed about the new single but worried because it's been too long since we've really rehearsed and performed together as a group. 24 Hour TV felt really rushed and Countdown always makes you feel like a deer in the headlights.”
Oh dear. Speaking of deer in the headlights ... “Over there. Left hand corner.” Shige gratefully smiled at him, and then stumbled quickly over to the bathroom.
When Shige stumbled back towards the bar, Massu grinned at him and casually slipped his phone back into his pocket. “How are you feeling?”
Shige shook his head, winced and sat down. “Fine. I just need something else to drink.” He carefully and methodically dragged the tequila glass closer and took another sip.
“Shige, although alcohol is known as a relaxant, and has been used throughout history as a way of calming people's nerves ...” Massu paused as a sudden thought struck him. Maybe there was more to this than the usual case of nerves. “Are you worried because they called you an idol, or a super idol?”
Shige drank more tequila.
Massu sighed. “Shige. I already told you that you are an idol. Why are you so worried about the super part of it?”
Shige looked at him, and Massu's compassionate heart clenched at the flicker of misery he saw there. Especially, because as Shige was still Shige even when he was drunk, he turned it into a joke against himself. “Just think how disappointed people would be, thinking that they were getting a super idol, and I was the one who showed up?”
Massu held his gaze, silently encouraging him to continue.
“I'm not ... I'm not Yamapi. If they were expecting a super idol from News, they would be expecting to see Yamapi, right?” The words were slurred, but it was the misery that tugged at Massu's heart.
Massu nodded. “They might. If someone just said a super idol from News was arriving soon at the shooting set, Yamapi may be the first person they think about. He has done so many dramas after all.”
Shige gulped some more tequila, and despondently stared at the bar.
“Yamapi is known for his drama work, that is true. He was in Shuji to Akira and he released Daite Senorita and he even had Loveless released last year. He can be a super idol from News. That is absolutely true.” Drumming his fingers on the bar, Massu searched for the right words. “Yamapi is Yamapi. It does not mean he can be the only super idol in News.”
Shige snorted in disbelief, and Massu grabbed his wrist. “Listen to me Shige. I'm not just saying it to make you feel better. Think about it logically. Yamapi is Yamapi. He has had lots of opportunities and experiences and exposure to audiences that neither of us have. He can be seen as a super idol. That would mean though, that so can other people. If being in lots of dramas makes someone a super idol, then Ryo can be one too.”
“He hasn't had a lead role.” Shige muttered.
“True, he hasn't. Yet, just remember the impact that his character in Last Friends had. Not many people would think a Johnny would be willing to do that. Ryo has done lots of dramas. Yes, Yamapi has done lead roles, and the rest of us have not, but do you really think that none of us could do it? Would Ryo be turned down for a lead role in a tv show because Yamapi was the super idol in News?”
“No.”
“Right. And if it's being in more than just News, well Ryo has that covered as well, right? Not to mention ...” he paused, and poked Shige in the side, “that fabulous sub unit of News called Tegomassu!”
“So basically ... the other two thirds of News are super idols ... but Kei and I are not.”
“Let me make my point, Shige. I am trying to say, that there can be different things that make up a super idol. Especially as we do not have a working definition of what a super idol is!”
“Well obviously a super idol is...” Shige stopped, and Massu pounced.
“Not you,” Massu said. “That is what you were going to say right?” He sighed. “Who do you consider to be a super idol? Anyone in Kanjani8? Tokio? KAT-TUN? SMAP? Arashi? Yes some people have higher profiles, but an idol is an idol. Where is the bar set? Look at SMAP. Does only Kimura-senpai get to be the super idol? Or should it be Nakai-senpai as he is the leader? It's not as if Tsuyoshi-senpai, or Goro-senpai or Shingo-senpai are unknown. So … does that mean the group is the basis of the label?”
Shige gulped down some more tequila, trying to cover his confusion, and Massu's stomach roiled.
“It's just a word in a newspaper after all. You've done things that Yamapi has not done. Yamapi has never done any stage work, for example. The rest of us may have, but none of us got to play a sex addict and kiss girls. You are the one who has managed to juggle studying law and being in News and you will graduate next month,” He held up a hand. “Before you tell me that Koyama and Yamapi managed that as well, can I point out that Yamapi needed another six months to finish it. Maybe you managed your time better than he did. You write essays that make the reader think about your words, you take photos that people are fascinated by, and I have no doubt that you will be the first Johnny to write a novel. If you want to, and you have time. The point is Shige, that it's just a word. The word itself is just a handy label for the person who wrote it.”
“I just don't want to disappoint people.”
“You won't. Sabu-san chose you, Shige. He chose you. He trusts you and he thinks that you will do a good job. I know you will prove his faith in you. No one on the set will be expecting Yamapi. They will be expecting you. It's up to you to show them what your version of a super idol is, and I know you can do that, just by being you.”
Massu put an arm around his shoulders and leaned close to whisper in his ear, “Any time you feel like you are not a super idol, and that somehow you are a disappointment when you show up, I want you to remember one thing. Remember the last Winter Party Diamond concert in Osaka, when the whole crowd was chanting your name when we sang News Nippon. Then tell me you are not already a super idol,” He flicked his cheek. “For the people who count, you already are one.”
Massu felt Shige's shoulders heave underneath his arm, and he pretended not to notice. He also pretended not to notice when Shige mumbled that he loved him, in a very familiar drunken way.
“You may as well finish that tequila.”
Massu let him go, and smiled as this time a cup of coffee appeared in front of Shige, and a hot chocolate appeared in front of him. The bartender gave him a sweet smile before she hurried away.
“So, I have one more question.”
Shige braced himself, red rimmed eyes looking up at Massu.
“Was Koyama busy tonight?”
An incredibly guilty expression crossed Shige's face. “I don't know.”
“What did you do Shige?”
“I ... I ... I didn't answer his calls.”
“Why not?”
“He would have been all supportive and encouraging and happy for me. He would have been all 'off course you can do it', and 'try your best', and 'Shige's a super idol'.'”
“What's wrong with that?”
“Nothing's wrong with that, it's just that ...” Shige trailed off, with a sheepish smile.
Massu sighed. “It's just that you thought you sucked at everything and you were a failure,” He sighed again. “Let me get this straight. You have not answered your phone today when Koyama calls you because you thought you might not be enough of an idol to pull off this role?”
Shige frowned. “That's not what I meant, but ...”
“But it is what you did,” Massu interrupted him.
“Shut up.”
“Yes, Shige, I will shut up now,” Massu smiled indulgently. “You know what you need to do.”
“I need to call Kei, don't I?”
“Yes you do. Though you can wait until you are a little bit more sober.”
Shige nodded, and then clutched his head. “Ow.”
Massu chuckled and pointed at the coffee on the bar. “I was wondering when that tequila would really kick in,” He watched Shige take a few cautious sips of coffee, then said, “There is still one thing I don't understand. Why would you believe me when I say that you are an idol and that you can do this? Why wouldn't you believe Koyama?”
Shige looked blankly at him, and then as if it was the most natural thing in the world, replied simply, “He's my best friend. He has to say I am great.”
“Right,” Massu grinned at him. “Wouldn't want to give him an opportunity to disappoint you, and say something like 'yeah, what were they thinking casting you in the lead role ...”
An outraged glare and a few half hearted thumps later, Massu managed to stop laughing. “Time to call it a night?”
“I think so. Did you know the floor is moving?”
Massu looked at the floor, then at Shige. “Nope, my super idol friend. The floor is not moving, you are.”
“Are you sure?”
Massu nodded.
“Shit.”
Massu laughed.
“Stop laughing, it's not funny.”
“Oh it is, Shige. It really is.”
The door opened, and Massu grinned as his requested taxi service arrived to pick them up. Koyama smiled back at him, and then slung an arm around both of their shoulders. “Partying without me?”
Shige looked at him in stunned disbelief and then turned outraged eyes on Massu. “You called him?”
“Messaged actually.”
“I told you not to!”
Koyama let Shige go, and stepped backwards, casting an uncertain glance at Massu. Massu sighed. “Forgive him, Koyama. Our friend here is having a little crisis of confidence, and needed to talk about things. And he has something he needs to say to you as well,” He prompted, “Shige?”
Shige mumbled, “I'm sorry, Kei.”
Koyama leant closer. “What for?”
“I should have answered your calls today, but I didn't.”
“That's ok. I was studying for a Korean test tonight anyways.”
Massu laughed as Shige was lost for words, eyes brimming with unshed tears. “Even when you lie Shige, you seem to get it right!”
“So what was the crisis of confidence? It wasn't about the super idol thing was it?”
“Two for two!” Massu laughed.
Shige glared at him, then closed his eyes.
Koyama smiled. “Shige is already a super idol. He just hasn't realised it yet.”
Massu grinned. “He's great isn't he?”
“Yep.” They both nodded in unison. “Shige is great.”
“Shut up.”
“Shige is so cool.”
“Shut up!”
“Shige is really talented!”
“Shut up!”
“Shige is …” Koyama and Massu grinned at each other and then said together “... a Super Idol!”
They laughed as Shige tried to hide his flushed cheeks by burying his face in his arms. Even so, they did not miss the happy smile that curved his lips.
“Time to go?”
“Actually ...” Massu sent a sunny smile in Koyama's direction. “I might need your help to pay the bill. Shige cleaned me out a few rounds ago.”
Koyama laughed and made a big production number from pulling his wallet out. “Shouldn't you two be paying for me? I seem to recall you have both been Johnny's longer than I have ...”
Massu grabbed at the offered bills. “Yes, yes, but you are still older than us and should be kind to us younger kids you know. Thanks!” He turned to discover the bartender was waiting with their bill. She quickly settled it for them, and Massu thanked her for looking after them so well. She smiled shyly and bowed.
Koyama and Massu carefully helped Shige to stand up, and waited patiently as he found his balance. Before they could start walking, they heard a quiet voice say, “Please excuse me, but ...”
They turned and their bartender bowed quickly in apology, then said so quickly she almost stumbled over her words, “I am sorry, I don't want to interrupt your private evening but I just wanted to say ... Kato-san, I saw the announcement this morning. Congratulations on getting your first drama lead role. Please do your best.”
Shige nodded, and promised, “I will. Thank you.” Koyama and Massu grinned at her, and mouthed the words 'thank you.' Together, they escorted Shige out of the bar, certain that even if his drama was called Trouble man, Shige would be a man slightly less troubled by it after tonight.
Author: kaminikaku
Characters/Groups: News, Shige, Massu, Koyama
Genre: Friendship with a touch of angst
Rating: PG13 due to alcohol abuse
Disclaimer: Not mine, they are their own persons, etc.
Warnings: None really!
Author's Notes: Massu and Shige have a regular routine when catching up over dinner. When alcohol is involved, Massu knows that Shige is worried about something, and he then does his best to discover what is troubling Shige.
Thanks to my beta for handholding and checking, and encouragement. I hope you enjoy this, I had lots of fun writing it!
This was originally written for sanjihan as part of the the JE Just Friends fic exchange, which was an absolute blast to be part of of, and produced some lovely fic to read as well. Go see what I mean here.
***
Massu checked his wallet once, and then again, just to make sure. Yes, it was completely empty. There was absolutely no help for it, he was going to have to call ... the one person that Shige had forbidden him to call.
Beside him, Shige kept tapping the empty shot glass on the bar. The bartender was doing an admirable job of ignoring him. Seeing the state of drunkeness that Shige was determinedly attempting to achieve, the bartender had been getting progressively slower at refilling his glass, a fact which Massu was intensely grateful for, as was his now empty wallet.
The night had started out a lot easier, and he was still not entirely sure exactly how they had ended up like this. No, that was not entirely true. He knew precisely how they had ended up like this.
**
“Can you come to dinner tonight? My treat!!!”
Such an innocent invitation sent by text message, and Massu had happily accepted it. Dinner with Shige was always fun, and had happily been a more regular occurrence lately thanks to Soukon filming. He had smiled when his phone had chirped at him again, the new message sign blinking enthusiastically.
Nine o'clock had found him waiting in a corner booth at their latest favourite ramen shop, hands wrapped around a steaming cup of green tea. Shige had arrived not long after, brushed snowflakes off his shoulders, and quickly unwound his scarf. Massu pushed a waiting cup of tea towards him, and Shige happily rubbed his chilled fingers over the smooth ceramic cup.
“I've ordered miso ramen, cha han and a few serves of yakitori to start,” Massu grinned at Shige, and then added, “And two beers.”
“What, no gyoza?” Shige raised an eyebrow.
Massu smirked in reponse. “No. No gyoza. I thought we had agreed after last time that there was only one place in Tokyo where we can order both ramen and gyoza.”
“True. No one makes gyoza like Kei's mother does,” Shige nodded, and Massu noticed how he was stretching the fingers of his gloves. He started with the little finger on the left hand and then methodically worked his way across one glove, then started with the thumb on the right hand, and worked his way back and forth across all ten fingers. It was almost hypnotic.
“My mother does,” Massu stated quite firmly. “They might even be slightly better.”
Shige flashed a smile at him. “Then, next time, we should eat at your place. It's been years since I had any of your Mum's gyoza.”
Massu pretended to think about it seriously, before finally nodding. “That should be OK. Although, we should probably not invite Kei-chan, because he would have to be polite about the gyoza and tell my mother it was the best gyoza he had ever had, and that would probably break his heart, because we all know how much he loves his own Mum's gyoza.”
Shige snorted, and Massu kept a straight face as he continued. “That would be awful. Not to mention,” he paused, reeling Shige in. “I think his Mum's ramen might be better than my Mum's ramen.”
Massu bit his lip, trying to out-wait Shige, but he could not help it. He laughed, and Shige joined in, the laughter ringing between them. The silence that finally fell between them was comfortable, so Massu let it lie. If Shige was worried about something, he would tell him sooner or later. At this point, it was certainly looking like later.
The food arrived quickly, and they wasted no time in devouring it. Shige paused after his first mouthful to grin at Massu and say, “If nothing else, Soukon is good for letting us eat ramen without fear, right?”
Massu grinned back and said, “Hmmm, I am not sure if even ramen can improve your running.”
Shige pretended to glare at him. “I still have not forgiven the three of you for making me train with Takano-san. That was so hard.”
“Yet, somehow you managed to complete all his training and you succeeded in running under the target time,” Massu held Shige's gaze. “As we expected you to you know.”
“It was still hard!”
“Of course it was. We wouldn't have made you do it otherwise.”
Massu smiled at the expression on Shige's face. On Tegoshi's face, it would have been a pout. Shige would of course never accept that description. Whatever you wanted to call it, Shige was definitely sulking.
“At least I made the time.”
“As I said, we knew you would make it, we knew you could do it, so we weren't worried,” Massu slurped up the last of his noodles, and set the bowl aside. “Now, tell me what's bothering you.”
“Nothing is bothering me. I am fine.”
Massu stared rather impassively at him.
“I am fine!”
Massu continued to stare.
“Nothing! I am fine!”
Finally Massu nodded, and yanked his wallet out of his jacket. Shige protested, “I told you this was my treat!”
“I know,” Massu counted quickly through the bills, checking he had a reasonable amount. “Don't worry, you are paying for dinner. I am just making sure I have enough to cover karaoke and a few drinks.”
“Karaoke? I don't think I am up to karaoke tonight.”
Massu smiled and mentally patted himself on the back. Shige only ever refused a karaoke outing if there was something bothering him. Hopefully alcohol would help him open up about what it was sooner rather than later.
**
The first six shots of tequila were consumed at a reasonable pace that allowed speaking and breathing between them.
The next four were consumed one after the other in quick succession with the final result of Shige laying his head on the bar as a wave of dizziness swept over him. Massu subtly caught the bartender's eye, and a round of water was served up next.
“So, even though I know that there is nothing wrong, as you keep telling me there is nothing wrong, how about instead you tell me what is on your mind?”
Shige stared at him, and Massu suppressed a laugh as he watched Shige work through his sentence, and puzzle out exactly what he had said. Shige may be accurately described as clever, but alcohol certainly did not make him quicker at understanding conversations. He frowned, and then said, “No.”
“Well then, I guess it's time to call it a night,” Massu pulled out his phone, and made a great show of scrolling through his contacts list. “I should probably call Koyama, he should be able to …”
“No!” Shige grabbed at the phone, and the sudden movement almost sent him headfirst onto the floor. Massu dropped the phone onto the bar, and grabbed Shige's shoulders, pushing him slowly upright. Shige groaned and laid his head onto the bar, trying to keep the dizziness at bay.
Massu nudged a glass of water towards him, and then quietly picked up his phone. He checked his messages, sent one short request of his own, and then laid a supportive hand on Shige's shoulder. In a tone that brooked no further argument, he said, “I really think it is time you told me what is going on with you.”
Even though he knew it was going to be useless, Shige still tried to get out of it. “Kei has a Korean test tomorrow, and he has to study tonight.”
Massu said nothing, merely looked at him impassively.
“He does. He has to study. You know how serious he is about his language studies these days.”
“OK, so Koyama has to study. That I can understand, and that's a good enough reason for me not to call him for a ride.”
Shige nodded and rested his head on the bar once more.
“So, why don't you tell me about what's really bothering you? I know something is bothering you, so you may as well tell me about it.”
Shige took a deep breath, and gripped the glass of water. He sat up straighter, and as if it was a glass of tequila instead of water he lifted it to his mouth, and drained it with a practised twist of his wrist. Another glass appeared almost magically in front of him, and Massu flashed a quick smile of appreciation at her. She flushed, and ducked her head before hurrying away to fill an order elsewhere.
Shige sipped at his next glass of water, and finally said, “They announced my drama role this morning.”
Finally they were getting somewhere. Massu took a sip of water from his own glass. “They did? Congratulations. Now it's official you can start talking about it, right?”
Shige nodded, but remained silent.
Massu prodded harder, knowing the truth was finally close. Shige however never gave up his concerns that easily. So give him a distraction, and then try another angle, that usually worked. “Are you getting your Waghai nikki back?”
A smile appeared, and Massu almost laughed at how quickly Shige's mood brightened at the thought. “Yes, I get Wagahai back.”
“That's good, right? I know you love writing your Wagahai entries, and I know you miss the connection you have with our fans when they stop the series.”
Shige nodded again, and then sighed deeply. He emptied his glass once more, and began spinning it in lazy circles on the counter. Massu watched it's dizzying path, waiting for an opening. Finally Shige pushed it a little too hard, and it spun away from him, and Massu snatched it away.
“Enough, Shige. You've been drinking tequila like it's your new best friend, and looking more miserable by the second. Either you tell me now or …” Massu paused waiting for a punishment cruel enough to spring to mind. He had gotten as far as threatening to tell Tegoshi that Shige was the one who had accidentally given Honda-san the wrong mobile number when he asked for it, when ...
Shige took a deep breath, laced his fingers together, and straightened his spine. He fixed his gaze on the bar, and said, “They called me a super idol.”
Massu waited.
“Like they think I actually am one.”
Ah, there it was.
“And now people are laughing about it I am sure, talking about me and saying how there is no way that I should be called a super idol.” Shige spoke carefully, trying not to slur his words and only partially succeeding. What was most obvious however was how upset he was, and how hard he was trying to hide it.
“Shige. Are you an idol or not? Massu waited for a response, but Shige was conducting his very own impression of the Hachiko statue. “Seriously, Shige. You already are an idol. They sell photos of you in Takeshita Dori, you are a debuted artist represented by Johnny's Jimusho, Johnny gave you a solo stage show, you have had roles in dramas and plays.”
Shige broke his Hachiko impression long enough to shake his head. He winced at the movement, and Massu wondered if Hachiko was actually the safest option at this point.
“They don't count,” Shige said.
Massu managed to restrain his urge to slap him over the back of his head. “Actually, I think they will count, because they already do count.”
Shige concentrated for a second, making sure he understood Massu. “They don't. And they said I was the second person in News to have a lead role.”
Massu paused, and then grinned. “Hey, that's true! Nishikido has always been in the supporting role, and so have Tegoshi, Koyama and I.” He saw the expression on Shige's face. “Come on Shige, seriously none of us mind. Why would we?”
“I know you don't mind, I know that!” Shige gestured at him, swaying slightly. “I know that ... it's just … I can't do it.”
“So, are you worried about your acting? Or the fact that it's the lead role? If it's your acting, you know that we have people we can call for coaching and support. Sabu-san is directing it, right? He will support you, because he would not have chosen you for the role unless he thought you could do it.”
A glass of tequila suddenly appeared in front of each of them, and the bar tender disappeared again just as quickly.
Massu elbowed Shige gently, trusting in his ability to listen closely even under the influence of his much alcohol. “You played a sex addicted student on stage. You can handle playing the lead role in a television drama, with a supportive director who will guide you. All you have to do is ask for help. You know as well as I do that most television dramas are ensembles anyway. Even though you are the lead, you will not be the only one there.”
“What if I can't do it? What if I embarrass myself? What if I do it so badly they blackban all News members from appearing in other dramas? What if I make it so that no other Johnny ever gets a ...”
“Because you are so good at failing as an actor, you would be able to stop other Johnny's getting drama roles?” Massu levelled an unsmiling stare at Shige who faltered, then took another gulp of tequila. “That's rubbish, Shige and you know it. Come on.”
“I just want to do well at this.”
“Then you will, because I know you will do everything you can to make it work.”
Shige nodded miserably.
“Why are you suddenly so scared of failing?”
Shige took another gulp of tequila, and wheezed suddenly. Massu was almost glad, as he had been starting to worry about Shige's alcohol tolerance. “I don't feel like an idol anymore. I just don't feel like one. We have only just recorded Sakura Girl, and all I could think was how long it had been, and how uncomfortable it felt, and then I thought about how much I wanted to sing that on stage with everyone, and then I thought what if I can't? What if I just ... can't?”
Massu pushed his own glass of tequila over to him. “You have been a Johnny's member almost as long as I have. You have always given it everything you have, and you have never faltered. You made it through the ranks of being a junior, into J-support, into KKKitty, into News. You write your own solos, you sing and you dance on stage in front of 50,000 people at Tokyo Dome. We even ran through central Tokyo for Soukon and people recognised you. You have already done all of those things, Shige. You are an idol. Maybe you are just ... feeling a bit out of practice at the idol bits at the moment.”
Shige took another gulp.
“Shige. Remember the Osaka Tegomass concert when you came on stage with Koyama? Remember the way the fans cheered? Remember 24 Hour TV and how good it felt to do Koi no ABO? Remember Countdown? I know it's been a while since we have had a concert, or a single, but you are an idol, you are a member of News and you always will be. We have fans who write your name on their fan club applications, who buy your photos, your uchiwa, your posters and they look forward to each PhotoShigenic you write. They look forward to reading your interviews, they look forward to seeing News in each magazine and they will now be looking forward to seeing you in a drama each week. It's just nerves, you know it is.”
“Maybe.”
“It is. You are worried and stressed about the drama but excited about the opportunity, excited and stressed about the new single but worried because it's been too long since we've really rehearsed and performed together as a group. 24 Hour TV felt really rushed and Countdown always makes you feel like a deer in the headlights.”
Oh dear. Speaking of deer in the headlights ... “Over there. Left hand corner.” Shige gratefully smiled at him, and then stumbled quickly over to the bathroom.
When Shige stumbled back towards the bar, Massu grinned at him and casually slipped his phone back into his pocket. “How are you feeling?”
Shige shook his head, winced and sat down. “Fine. I just need something else to drink.” He carefully and methodically dragged the tequila glass closer and took another sip.
“Shige, although alcohol is known as a relaxant, and has been used throughout history as a way of calming people's nerves ...” Massu paused as a sudden thought struck him. Maybe there was more to this than the usual case of nerves. “Are you worried because they called you an idol, or a super idol?”
Shige drank more tequila.
Massu sighed. “Shige. I already told you that you are an idol. Why are you so worried about the super part of it?”
Shige looked at him, and Massu's compassionate heart clenched at the flicker of misery he saw there. Especially, because as Shige was still Shige even when he was drunk, he turned it into a joke against himself. “Just think how disappointed people would be, thinking that they were getting a super idol, and I was the one who showed up?”
Massu held his gaze, silently encouraging him to continue.
“I'm not ... I'm not Yamapi. If they were expecting a super idol from News, they would be expecting to see Yamapi, right?” The words were slurred, but it was the misery that tugged at Massu's heart.
Massu nodded. “They might. If someone just said a super idol from News was arriving soon at the shooting set, Yamapi may be the first person they think about. He has done so many dramas after all.”
Shige gulped some more tequila, and despondently stared at the bar.
“Yamapi is known for his drama work, that is true. He was in Shuji to Akira and he released Daite Senorita and he even had Loveless released last year. He can be a super idol from News. That is absolutely true.” Drumming his fingers on the bar, Massu searched for the right words. “Yamapi is Yamapi. It does not mean he can be the only super idol in News.”
Shige snorted in disbelief, and Massu grabbed his wrist. “Listen to me Shige. I'm not just saying it to make you feel better. Think about it logically. Yamapi is Yamapi. He has had lots of opportunities and experiences and exposure to audiences that neither of us have. He can be seen as a super idol. That would mean though, that so can other people. If being in lots of dramas makes someone a super idol, then Ryo can be one too.”
“He hasn't had a lead role.” Shige muttered.
“True, he hasn't. Yet, just remember the impact that his character in Last Friends had. Not many people would think a Johnny would be willing to do that. Ryo has done lots of dramas. Yes, Yamapi has done lead roles, and the rest of us have not, but do you really think that none of us could do it? Would Ryo be turned down for a lead role in a tv show because Yamapi was the super idol in News?”
“No.”
“Right. And if it's being in more than just News, well Ryo has that covered as well, right? Not to mention ...” he paused, and poked Shige in the side, “that fabulous sub unit of News called Tegomassu!”
“So basically ... the other two thirds of News are super idols ... but Kei and I are not.”
“Let me make my point, Shige. I am trying to say, that there can be different things that make up a super idol. Especially as we do not have a working definition of what a super idol is!”
“Well obviously a super idol is...” Shige stopped, and Massu pounced.
“Not you,” Massu said. “That is what you were going to say right?” He sighed. “Who do you consider to be a super idol? Anyone in Kanjani8? Tokio? KAT-TUN? SMAP? Arashi? Yes some people have higher profiles, but an idol is an idol. Where is the bar set? Look at SMAP. Does only Kimura-senpai get to be the super idol? Or should it be Nakai-senpai as he is the leader? It's not as if Tsuyoshi-senpai, or Goro-senpai or Shingo-senpai are unknown. So … does that mean the group is the basis of the label?”
Shige gulped down some more tequila, trying to cover his confusion, and Massu's stomach roiled.
“It's just a word in a newspaper after all. You've done things that Yamapi has not done. Yamapi has never done any stage work, for example. The rest of us may have, but none of us got to play a sex addict and kiss girls. You are the one who has managed to juggle studying law and being in News and you will graduate next month,” He held up a hand. “Before you tell me that Koyama and Yamapi managed that as well, can I point out that Yamapi needed another six months to finish it. Maybe you managed your time better than he did. You write essays that make the reader think about your words, you take photos that people are fascinated by, and I have no doubt that you will be the first Johnny to write a novel. If you want to, and you have time. The point is Shige, that it's just a word. The word itself is just a handy label for the person who wrote it.”
“I just don't want to disappoint people.”
“You won't. Sabu-san chose you, Shige. He chose you. He trusts you and he thinks that you will do a good job. I know you will prove his faith in you. No one on the set will be expecting Yamapi. They will be expecting you. It's up to you to show them what your version of a super idol is, and I know you can do that, just by being you.”
Massu put an arm around his shoulders and leaned close to whisper in his ear, “Any time you feel like you are not a super idol, and that somehow you are a disappointment when you show up, I want you to remember one thing. Remember the last Winter Party Diamond concert in Osaka, when the whole crowd was chanting your name when we sang News Nippon. Then tell me you are not already a super idol,” He flicked his cheek. “For the people who count, you already are one.”
Massu felt Shige's shoulders heave underneath his arm, and he pretended not to notice. He also pretended not to notice when Shige mumbled that he loved him, in a very familiar drunken way.
“You may as well finish that tequila.”
Massu let him go, and smiled as this time a cup of coffee appeared in front of Shige, and a hot chocolate appeared in front of him. The bartender gave him a sweet smile before she hurried away.
“So, I have one more question.”
Shige braced himself, red rimmed eyes looking up at Massu.
“Was Koyama busy tonight?”
An incredibly guilty expression crossed Shige's face. “I don't know.”
“What did you do Shige?”
“I ... I ... I didn't answer his calls.”
“Why not?”
“He would have been all supportive and encouraging and happy for me. He would have been all 'off course you can do it', and 'try your best', and 'Shige's a super idol'.'”
“What's wrong with that?”
“Nothing's wrong with that, it's just that ...” Shige trailed off, with a sheepish smile.
Massu sighed. “It's just that you thought you sucked at everything and you were a failure,” He sighed again. “Let me get this straight. You have not answered your phone today when Koyama calls you because you thought you might not be enough of an idol to pull off this role?”
Shige frowned. “That's not what I meant, but ...”
“But it is what you did,” Massu interrupted him.
“Shut up.”
“Yes, Shige, I will shut up now,” Massu smiled indulgently. “You know what you need to do.”
“I need to call Kei, don't I?”
“Yes you do. Though you can wait until you are a little bit more sober.”
Shige nodded, and then clutched his head. “Ow.”
Massu chuckled and pointed at the coffee on the bar. “I was wondering when that tequila would really kick in,” He watched Shige take a few cautious sips of coffee, then said, “There is still one thing I don't understand. Why would you believe me when I say that you are an idol and that you can do this? Why wouldn't you believe Koyama?”
Shige looked blankly at him, and then as if it was the most natural thing in the world, replied simply, “He's my best friend. He has to say I am great.”
“Right,” Massu grinned at him. “Wouldn't want to give him an opportunity to disappoint you, and say something like 'yeah, what were they thinking casting you in the lead role ...”
An outraged glare and a few half hearted thumps later, Massu managed to stop laughing. “Time to call it a night?”
“I think so. Did you know the floor is moving?”
Massu looked at the floor, then at Shige. “Nope, my super idol friend. The floor is not moving, you are.”
“Are you sure?”
Massu nodded.
“Shit.”
Massu laughed.
“Stop laughing, it's not funny.”
“Oh it is, Shige. It really is.”
The door opened, and Massu grinned as his requested taxi service arrived to pick them up. Koyama smiled back at him, and then slung an arm around both of their shoulders. “Partying without me?”
Shige looked at him in stunned disbelief and then turned outraged eyes on Massu. “You called him?”
“Messaged actually.”
“I told you not to!”
Koyama let Shige go, and stepped backwards, casting an uncertain glance at Massu. Massu sighed. “Forgive him, Koyama. Our friend here is having a little crisis of confidence, and needed to talk about things. And he has something he needs to say to you as well,” He prompted, “Shige?”
Shige mumbled, “I'm sorry, Kei.”
Koyama leant closer. “What for?”
“I should have answered your calls today, but I didn't.”
“That's ok. I was studying for a Korean test tonight anyways.”
Massu laughed as Shige was lost for words, eyes brimming with unshed tears. “Even when you lie Shige, you seem to get it right!”
“So what was the crisis of confidence? It wasn't about the super idol thing was it?”
“Two for two!” Massu laughed.
Shige glared at him, then closed his eyes.
Koyama smiled. “Shige is already a super idol. He just hasn't realised it yet.”
Massu grinned. “He's great isn't he?”
“Yep.” They both nodded in unison. “Shige is great.”
“Shut up.”
“Shige is so cool.”
“Shut up!”
“Shige is really talented!”
“Shut up!”
“Shige is …” Koyama and Massu grinned at each other and then said together “... a Super Idol!”
They laughed as Shige tried to hide his flushed cheeks by burying his face in his arms. Even so, they did not miss the happy smile that curved his lips.
“Time to go?”
“Actually ...” Massu sent a sunny smile in Koyama's direction. “I might need your help to pay the bill. Shige cleaned me out a few rounds ago.”
Koyama laughed and made a big production number from pulling his wallet out. “Shouldn't you two be paying for me? I seem to recall you have both been Johnny's longer than I have ...”
Massu grabbed at the offered bills. “Yes, yes, but you are still older than us and should be kind to us younger kids you know. Thanks!” He turned to discover the bartender was waiting with their bill. She quickly settled it for them, and Massu thanked her for looking after them so well. She smiled shyly and bowed.
Koyama and Massu carefully helped Shige to stand up, and waited patiently as he found his balance. Before they could start walking, they heard a quiet voice say, “Please excuse me, but ...”
They turned and their bartender bowed quickly in apology, then said so quickly she almost stumbled over her words, “I am sorry, I don't want to interrupt your private evening but I just wanted to say ... Kato-san, I saw the announcement this morning. Congratulations on getting your first drama lead role. Please do your best.”
Shige nodded, and promised, “I will. Thank you.” Koyama and Massu grinned at her, and mouthed the words 'thank you.' Together, they escorted Shige out of the bar, certain that even if his drama was called Trouble man, Shige would be a man slightly less troubled by it after tonight.