FANFIC: Close Encounters of the Unmerry Kind
Title: Close Encounters of the Unmerry Kind
Author: Skylar
Fandom: CSI: Miami
Characters: Eric/Calleigh, Ryan, Cooper, OC
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Santa Claus is coming to house.
Author's Notes: I was very reluctant to answer this challenge, but then this idea popped into my head so I decided to go along with it. Here are the elements I included: ant-infested mistletoe, glitter glue, a cranky elf, someone climbs something (not a ladder) and a post-margarita headache.
Close Encounters of the Unmerry Kind
by Skylar
Calleigh awoke with a sigh, her eyes opening and quickly adjusting to the darkness. They closed again, for a second or two (or maybe minutes), her body begging for more sleep, but they lazily opened again and she shook her head quickly, trying to get rid of any traces of sleep. She sighed again, nudging the body beside her, knowing she could sleep tomorrow. Tonight, there was work to be done.
"Eric."
Nothing.
"Eric."
"No," came a tired reply.
"It's time," she said, lying a cold hand on his back.
His head still remained buried in his pillow. "Calleigh, the last time you used those words I ended up with a broken toe and sympathy pains."
She smiled fondly at the memory and quickly got out of bed. "Come on, I can't do this without you. Scratch that, I'm not doing this without you, so get your ass out of bed before I nail it down to the mattress."
He smiled into his pillow. "Is that my Christmas present?"
Something hard hit him on the back of his head.
"Too bad."
ii
He lazily made his way down the stairs, rubbing the side of his face and counting the minutes until he could get back to bed. For some reason, during the holidays crime seemed to increase in number but decrease in gravity, and so for the last couple of weeks they'd spent the majority of their time buried in petty cases - a crowd fight at the mall caused by a disgruntled Santa Claus, the same Toys-R-Us being robbed three days in a row by a gang of teenagers, an old lady claiming elves were sneaking into her house at night and stealing her shoes...
After all that insanity he wanted nothing more than to stay home for the next three days and just enjoy not being covered in fingerprint powder and surrounded by crazy. Mostly he needed sleep, peace, and if he was lucky, some quiet.
He reached the living room, where the Christmas tree lights twinkled, bringing a smile to his face. He never was such a big fan of Christmas before. Not that he hated it, but being a man he mostly thought of it as a holiday designed to make people go broke, fat, and drunk. For the last few years, however, he found the holiday had grown on him, seeing it now from a different perspective, and every year, as the holidays neared, he found himself getting a tad excited. For the first 31 years of his life, he knew no Christmas except his mother's Christmas, which was mostly loud and crowded. But then things changed, and now the Christmas he knew was his Christmas, or rather their Christmas, his and Calleigh's. Their take made it much more special (and less loud), and quickly it became his favorite holiday.
Eric crossed the room, turned on the radio and the sounds of Les Brown And His Band Of Renown's rendition of The Nutcracker Suite filled the room. But when he flickered the light switch on he stopped, blinked once, twice, looked around and frowned as he approached the tree.
Next to it, nearly under it (he almost missed it if it hadn't been for the blue pajamas) was his four year old son, sitting on the carpet Indian style, a preoccupied look on his face.
"Hey, buddy," Eric said, crouching down to his son's level. "What are you doing up?"
"There are ants on the cookies," the boy replied stressfully.
"Oh," Eric said and looked down. Leo clutched a plate of cookies in the shape of mistletoes, and they were, indeed, covered in ants. They hurried from one end of the plate to the other, carrying all the cookie crumbles they could, down the ceramic plate, Leo's pants, and finally into the carpet and away.
Eric winced and took the plate away before Calleigh came down, saw it and freaked out. "It's okay, we'll just get some more."
But Leo sighed and rested his face in his hands, elbows on his legs. "How is Santa Claus going to find our house?"
Eric frowned as he blew away a few tenacious ants. "Well, Santa Claus has a special navigational system that helps him find every house in the world."
Leo frowned and looked at him reluctantly, and expression Calleigh used so often that it nearly gave Eric goosebumps. He knew, as a scientist, that children are genetic dumps of their parents, but it still shocked him to see every day how much Leo took after his mother.
"Come on, let's go to bed."
But Leo didn't move, looking around the room and then out the window. "How is he going to get into the house?"
Eric frowned and started to get a little hesitant. Leo had never asked questions about Santa Claus before, mostly due to his young age during his first three Christmases. But having just turned four, he was starting to get curious about everything, and his curiosity was often accompanied by skepticism. A true scientist at heart, Eric thought, but it made his job as a father much harder. Leo wasn't often satisfied with cute stories - he liked to see evidence, and Eric wasn't sure how he was going to convince him of the existence of Santa Claus, not without proof.
"He's... got keys."
"Like magic keys?" Leo said.
"Sure."
Leo frowned. "Daddy, how are the keys magic?"
"They just are," Eric said, scratching his forehead. "Like universal keys. They open every lock."
"Oh," Leo said. His eyes drifted downwards and he thought some more. "Mrs. Martinez says he comes in through the chimney."
"Yeah, sometimes."
"But we don't have a chimney."
"No, we don't, that's why he'll use the key."
Leo seemed satisfied with the answer, and Eric breathed a sigh of relief, but the feeling didn't last long. "Where did he get the key?"
Eric finally sighed. "I gave it to him. Now come on, time to go to bed."
Leo looked ahead, his fingers tapping on the palm of his hand, and for a moment he remained quiet, and with determination he looked up at his father and proclaimed, "I wanna see him."
Eric's head dropped, and he put the plate away. Most of the ants had already escaped unharmed. "We already took you to see Santa, remember?"
"I wanna see him again," Leo said.
"Well," Eric started, trying to come up with a feasible explanation as to why Leo couldn't see Santa Claus, but there was none that he could think of. Well, maybe the fact that Santa Claus wasn't real, but he couldn't tell his son that.
He never really was into Santa Claus as a child, mostly because his oldest sister, when he was merely two, drilled it into his head that there was no Santa Claus. As a result Eric never grew attached to the mystical figure. His parents would take him to the toy store every year, where he was allowed to pick one cheap toy, which was then wrapped and placed under the tree until Christmas Day.
There never was a Santa Claus growing up, he never had to deal with his existence (and lack thereof) and now, he was at a loss. Luckily his son's brain wasn't nearly as developed as his, all he had to do was outsmart Leo.
Couldn't be too hard. Could it?
"Well, you know, Santa Claus is gonna be really busy tonight," Eric explained. "And he won't have time to say hi, so let's go to bed and tomorrow we get to open all the presents together, okay?"
"But I won't say hi, daddy, I promise," Leo pleaded.
Eric sighed. Dammit. "I know, but Santa doesn't like being seen on Christmas."
"Why?"
"Because..." God damn it. "He'll... get distracted and he won't be able to finish delivering all the presents in time."
"But I won't distact him, I promise!" Leo said.
"What's going on?"
Eric looked back and let out a sigh of relief when he saw Calleigh there. He stood up with a grunt. "We have a little problem."
Calleigh frowned and looked down at Leo, placing her hands on her hips. "What are you doing out of bed?"
"I wanna see Santa Claus," Leo said, determined.
"He wants to see Santa Claus," Eric echoed.
Calleigh glanced from her husband to her son. "You already saw Santa Claus at the mall, remember?"
"I wanna see him again," Leo said stubbornly.
"He wants to see him again," Eric trailed.
"Eric, stop that," Calleigh said, a little annoyed.
Leo looked up at is mother. "Aiden says there is no Santa Claus."
"Well, honey, Aiden also eats worms, so I wouldn't necessarily put his opinion up on a pedestal," Calleigh said smugly. "Come on, we have to go to bed now."
"Why?"
"Because I said so," Calleigh said sternly. "And because if Santa catches you out of bed you won't be getting any presents, take your pick."
Eric winced and looked at her. "Calleigh, maybe we could--"
"Eric."
"Okay," he relented quickly, taking one step back.
Calleigh ignored him and looked at her son. "I'm counting to three, Leonardo."
But nothing happened. In her ability to pass on all her traits to her son during conception, Calleigh had also given him her unwavering stubbornness, and when the two butted heads there was very little Eric could do but try to referee his way into the mix. Sometimes it worked. Often, it didn't. Vic Damone's It's A Marshmallow World began to play in the background, and he took a step towards Calleigh and inched his head closer to hers to whisper.
"I'm just saying, let's just wait a couple of minutes, he'll get tired, he'll fall asleep, and then we'll take him to bed," he explained.
"No, Eric, this isn't Leo Land, okay? He doesn't call the shots," she said.
"He just wants to see Santa Claus."
"He already saw Santa Claus."
"I wanna see him again," Leo said.
Calleigh sighed, rubbing her forehead. Shaking her head, she stepped back. "Alright, you wanna do this? Let's do it, let's wait for Santa."
Next to her, Eric nodded, knowing there was no way Leo would be able to stay awake more than half an hour. He knew Calleigh hated to let Leo call the shots, she was a disciplinarian at heart, but Eric thought sometimes it was best to let Leo realize his own mistakes, rather than having his parents point them out for him constantly. And so they sat on the couch, waiting.
And waiting.
And while waiting, his head began to sway back and forth, Calleigh's foot began to jitter, and Leo sat by the Christmas tree, his eyes wide open, his fingers itchy with anticipation. Fifteen minutes passed, and then fifteen more, and when another fifteen came and went Calleigh cleared her throat and Eric's eyes shot open.
"You know, Leo, Santa has to visit a lot of houses tonight," Calleigh said. "Might take him hours to get here."
"Okay," Leo replied.
Calleigh nodded and looked at Eric, her eyebrows raised. "Any more brilliant ideas?"
Eric sighed. Alright, so clearly Leo wasn't as tired as he thought. Or maybe waiting for Santa Claus to magically appear in their house hadn't been such a hot idea. Who knew? But he was tried. Exhausted, and he could see Leo was not planning on giving up any time soon. They could wait some more, he knew eventually Leo would fall asleep, but it was late and they'd yet to wrap all the presents. If Leo didn't go to bed soon something bad was going to happen - Santa would not show up, given his nonexistence, Leo would be heartbroken, and Christmas would be ruined.
As a father, he knew it was his job not to let that happen.
So finally he stood up, walked to the foyer and grabbed his jacket from the hat rack, finding his keys in their pocket.
Calleigh frowned. "Where are you going?"
Eric opened the front door and sighed. "I'm... getting Santa Claus."
Calleigh's face fell, while Leo beamed, stood up and ran to the couch. "Bring the elves, daddy!"
"Eric, no," Calleigh complained. "Where on Earth are you--?"
"I don't know," Eric sighed, scratching his forehead. "But wish me luck."
"Luck!" Leo giggled happily.
Eric shut the door close, and as he did a loud wailing came from upstairs. Calleigh sighed, throwing her head back, feeling her body ache with exhaustion, her head beginning to throb. There's no place like Bali she chanted in her head.
Leo wrapped his arms around her neck and kissed her cheek. "It's okay, mommy. I asked Santa Claus for a baby that doesn't cry," he whispered in her ear.
She couldn't help but chuckle.
ii
A few minutes later she sat in a rocking chair in the humid nursery, trying to get the baby to fall back asleep. But for the past few days the 6 month old had been fighting off a cold, and was teething again to boot, and so Calleigh merely rocked herself back and forth as the baby gnawed on her finger, drooling, her nose running.
She didn't know what Eric was up to, but she hoped he would come home soon, or else she was sure he'd spend the rest of the week sleeping on the couch.
"Mommy, what does this do?" Leo suddenly asked from the carpet.
"It's a humidifier," Calleigh explained, too exhausted to fully go into the working details of the machine. "It's for your sister's runny nose."
Leo looked at the machine, thinking about the answer for a while before he looked at Calleigh and frowned. "How are you going to fit that in her nose?"
She couldn't help but laugh, and that made her feel much better. Motherhood hadn't been easy, especially when dealing with her own mirrored personality in the body of a four year old, but she could always count on Leo to make her laugh, and that made all the difference in the world.
Leo stood up and walked over, forgetting about the machine. The baby quickly reached for him and he held her tiny hand in his.
"Mom, how does Santa Claus know if Ava has been nice?" he asked curiously.
Calleigh smiled. "He always knows."
"How does he know what Ava wants for Christmas?"
"Well," she said, "honey, she's too young to want anything, so he'll just bring her something nice and hopefully whatever it is, she'll like it."
Leo looked at the baby and thought for a while before the litany of questions began again. "Mom, have you been nice?"
"Yes, I've been nice."
Leo suddenly frowned. "I don't think daddy's been nice."
She looked at him inquisitively. "Why not?"
"Mom, he gave you a boo boo on your neck," Leo said gravely.
Calleigh chuckled, her cheeks turning slightly red. "Honey, that was just a little accident."
"Oh," Leo said. The baby gurgled and cooed, trying to catch her big brother's attention, but Leo turned serious instead and looked worried. "Mom, is daddy going to find Santa Claus?"
Calleigh nodded warmly. "Honey, your dad is going to find that man if it kills him."
Leo smiled and her heart melted.
ii
Outside the house, Eric stood with his band of merry men, or rather unmerry goons. Ryan looked like he wanted to die, dressed sloppily in a Santa Claus outfit that was too big for him, and Dan Cooper stood next to him in a terrible makeshift elf outfit, his face covered in green paint, his cardboard box hat decorated with cheap glitter glue that made him look more like a fairy than an elf. He looked terrible, but at this point Eric knew he had to take what he could get.
"Delko, I gotta tell you something," Cooper said seriously, his words slightly surly. "First of all, I love your kids, I do--"
"I could take them or leave them," Ryan confessed.
"But this is stupid," Cooper continued.
"Don't you think I know that?" Eric said. "But that's my four year old son in there, sitting next to the Christmas tree, waiting for Santa Claus. How do you tell him he won't get to see Santa Claus tonight because there is no Santa Claus?"
Cooper sighed heavily and rolled his eyes. "I mean, it's my Santa suit, I should be Santa!"
Eric looked at him. "Seriously?"
"Wolfe doesn't even know how to do the laugh. Why does he get to be Santa and I'm stuck with the elf suit?" Cooper continued crankily.
"Probably because I haven't had a barrel of margaritas tonight," Ryan said defensively. "And what the fuck? There's nothing to it. You sit there, you wish him a merry Christmas, blah blah fuck, and get the fuck out of here. I mean, that's what's going on, right?"
Eric nodded. "Hopefully with a hundred percent less fucks, but yeah, basically."
"See?" Ryan said.
"I should be Santa," Cooper huffed. "It's my suit."
"There's no way in hell I'm wearing an elf costume," Ryan warned Eric, "or else I'm getting the hell out of here I don't care if I make a thousand babies cry in agonizing emotional pain, I won't do it. The Santa suit is bad enough."
"Okay, settle down you two," Eric said. "Look, this will only take five minutes, okay? Just go in there, let him talk to you for a while, and then you can go back to your stupid party, okay?"
Ryan shook his head. "Man, you owe us big time."
"I swear I'll make it up to you," Eric said. "Now come on, you have to go in through the upstairs window."
Ryan looked at him seriously. "What?"
"You can't just waltz in through the front door like Ricky Ricardo," Eric explained.
"Why the hell not?"
"You're Santa Claus," Dan said, still slightly drunk, "it's supposed to be magical. God, you suck at this. Can I wear the damn suit?"
"No!"
"Well, I sure as hell aren't climbing up there," Ryan said. "We're already going out of our way to do this for your kid, I'm not gonna add a broken leg to the contract."
"Don't be such a woman, Wolfe," Eric said and he leaned over, threading his fingers together for leverage. "Come on, I'll give you a push."
"No."
"Just do it!"
"This is too dangerous, I'll fall," Ryan complained.
"No you won't."
"I'll catch you," Cooper said.
"What? Why will there be catching involved?" Ryan said.
"There won't be, because you're not gonna fall. Come on, just do it," Eric said.
"We're doing this with a drunken Dan as my safety net? He's seeing double!"
"Dude, I'm totally fine," Cooper said, he turned around and leaned over. "Come on, climb up my back."
Ryan looked at him, his eyebrows furrowed, a look of reproach on his face. Muttering an obscenity under his breath, he sighed and jumped into Dan's back piggy back ride style, Eric's hands behind him, trying to push him up. The second story of the house still seemed miles away, and he had no idea how the hell he was going to make it up there without breaking a few bones. Not to mention Eric and Cooper were touching him in places he wasn't fond of being touched by a man. The scene seemed to have been taken out of his worst nightmares, dressed in a Santa suit, half drunk, trying to climb up to the second story of a house. Man, he was going to make sure Eric paid for this.
Lucky for him, the front door suddenly opened, and the three men turned their heads to see Calleigh holding Ava, Leo standing in front of her. Her mouth opened at the sight of Eric and Cooper, each one with a hand on Ryan's ass cheeks, trying to propel him into the air.
"Oh. My. God," she said.
"Santa!" Leo squealed, jumping in place.
Cooper and Eric quickly released Ryan and he fell onto the ground with a loud thump. Quickly he stood up, clearing his throat and dusting off his suit.
"Ho, ho, ho!" Ryan said in a deep, jovial voice. "Merry Christmas!"
"Ho, ho, ho, not ho, ho, ho," Cooper said, still crabby.
"Shut up," Eric whispered at him.
"Merry Christmas, everybody!"
"Santa, is that you?" Leo said.
"Of course it's me, it's Christmas, and I'm Santa! Ho, ho, ho!"
"Oh my God," Calleigh repeated.
"Calleigh, where are your manners?" Eric said.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she said, trying not to laugh, she turned to Ryan. "Santa Claus, would you like to come in?"
"Yes, for I am Santa Claus! Ho, ho, ho!" Ryan's voice boomed and Eric smacked his forehead. There was no way Leo would buy this. Cooper had been right -- Ryan was the worst Santa Claus in recorded history.
But Leo jumped in place in excitement, grabbing Ryan by the hand and guiding him into the house, the rest of the crowd in tow. For the first time Calleigh noticed Cooper's costume and she finally burst into laughter, but Eric nudged her ribs and she tried to control herself.
"Santa, are you thirsty?" Leo asked, preoccupied as he helped Ryan sit on the couch.
"Well, now that you mention it, I wouldn't mind a little eggnog," Ryan said pointedly, looking at Eric, who rolled his eyes and went into the kitchen. "And cookies, for I am hungry! And hurry, Santa has many adventures tonight!"
"Are you really going to China, Santa?" Leo said, climbing into Ryan's lap.
"Of course!" Ryan's voice boomed. "Santa travels to every country in the world, delivering presents for boys and girls!"
"Well," Calleigh said. "For that reason, Santa can't stay long tonight. Right, Santa?"
"Right," Ryan said. "How's that eggnog coming along?"
Eric walked back into the living room with the snacks. "Right here, Santa."
"Is that bitterness I detect in your voice?" Ryan said. "Boy, I sure would hate to put you on my naughty list."
"Daddy," Leo complained. "Be nice."
"I am nice," Eric said between clenched teeth, depositing the eggnog and cookies on the coffee table.
"I don't see any cookies for my trusty elf assistant," Ryan said.
"Your trusty elf assistant has been drinking a lot of elf ale tonight, Santa. I don't think he should be drinking eggnog and eating cookies," Eric said.
"Nonsense," Ryan said and clapped his hands. "Cookies for everyone, chop chop!"
Eric sighed and looked at Calleigh, who was trying to suppress a smile. He went off in search of more cookies while Leo's bombardment of questions began.
"Santa, why are you so skinny?" he asked curiously.
"Well, little boy," Ryan said, stuffing his mouth with cookies, getting crumbs all over his beard. "Mrs. Claus has been busting my chops lately about going on a diet. So I joined the gym and pumped it up, got into shape, dumped her and got me a new wife. You should always eat your vegetables, little boy."
Leo looked from Cooper to Ryan as Eric walked into the room with more cookies. "Where's your bag, Santa?"
Ryan looked at him and looked at Cooper for help. "Um..."
"It's... an invisible bag," Cooper said, trying not to slur his words.
"Right."
"With toys."
"And shit."
"Yeah, the toys will appear after you've gone to bed," Cooper said, "so, you know. Go to bed."
"Did you bring me a new bike?" Leo asked, excited.
"Uh, Santa's gift are a surprise. You can only see them after you've gone to bed," Ryan said.
"Go to bed," Cooper said, grabbing a handful of cookies.
"Did you bring any presents for Ava?" Leo continued.
"Sure."
"And mommy and daddy?"
"Yes, yes, everyone, jeez," Ryan said.
"Santa, is the North Pole cold?"
"Of course it is. Very cold."
"How much do you pay your elves?"
"Not enough," Cooper said, swallowing a mouthful off cookies and washing them down with eggnog.
"Elves are very well taken care of. Santa's very fair," Ryan said. "Go to bed."
"What do you feed the reindeer?" Leo continued.
"Kids who ask too many questions," Ryan replied and Eric cleared his throat loudly. Ryan looked at him and shook his head. "I mean, hay and hot dogs."
"Does Rudolph need batteries for his nose?"
"No," Ryan said, chuckling condescendingly. "What kind of stupid question is that?"
"It's a question that comes from a four year old," Eric said pointedly. He was starting to wish he'd let Cooper wear the costume, but in his drunken state there's no way the other man would've been able to keep up the charade.
Leo continued. "What if there's joined twins and one was naughty and one was nice, do they get presents?"
Ryan looked at him. "What?"
"Daddy says joined twins are two people stuck together," Leo explained.
Ryan shook his head, trying to think of an answer. "Well, I guess the nice twin gets a present."
"What if he needs the naughty twin's arm to play with the toy, Santa?" Leo added.
Ryan frowned, looking down. "I don't... I don't know."
"I'm sure if the naughty twin promises to be nice he can play with the toy, right?" Eric said.
Ryan shook his head. "Sure. Whatever."
"Uh oh," Cooper suddenly said, placing his hands on his stomach. "Uh, I think I need to use the bathroom."
Calleigh narrowed her eyes at him. "Why?"
But Dan's face turned even greener and he sprinted out of the living room, and reached the bathroom just in time to throw up in the toilet. Calleigh heard the retching sounds and sighed, passing Ava onto Eric and walking over to investigate.
"What's wrong with the elf?" Leo asked.
"Tootsie has been eating too many cookies tonight," Eric said. "That's why you need to listen to your mother when she says no more sweets."
Ryan frowned. "God, is everything a freaking lesson around here?"
"That's what happens when you have kids, Santa," Eric said, frowning slightly at him.
"Do you have kids, Santa?" Leo asked.
"Oh, all the children of the world are my kids," Ryan said. "Even the ugly ones."
"Alright, that's it," Calleigh said, escorting a sick Cooper into the room. "Twinkle Toes here just threw up on the bathroom mat."
"I'm sorry," Cooper said miserably. He grabbed his pounding head and groaned. "Ugh, the room is spinning."
"Time for Santa Claus to go now," Calleigh said, recoiling at Cooper's stench. "And take his... merry elf with him."
"Yes, I have to deliver many presents tonight, for I am Santa," Ryan proclaimed.
Leo's smile widened and he threw himself into Ryan's embrace. "I love you, Santa."
Ryan chuckled heartily. "I love you too, Jimmy."
"Leo."
"Right," he said, patting the child's back. "Now run along, Santa has many more houses to visit before the night is over."
"Well, thank you for stopping by, Santa, we really appreciate it," Calleigh said, escorting him and a still pale green Cooper out the door.
"Oh, don't worry. Santa will make sure you remember this for many, many years to come," Ryan said, his Santa voice intensifying.
"I'm sure you will," Eric said. "Thanks, by the way."
"Well, Santa sure could use a little gas money," Ryan said.
Eric sighed and rolled his eyes, switched the baby to his other arm and dug into his pockets for his wallet, and produced a 20 dollar bill.
"That's it? I have to fly all over the freaking world, you know."
"Okay, don't push it," Eric said, nudging him out the door, and when he closed the door he heard Cooper throw up in the bushes outside. He closed his eyes, trying not to gag himself, at the sound and the realization that he would have to clean that up in the morning.
But Leo was excited, grinning and jumping into place, and quickly Eric forgot about the projectile vomiting and smiled. "Alright, you saw Santa, time to go to bed now."
"Okay!" Leo said, allowing his father to pick him up. Eric left Calleigh cleaning up downstairs and made his way into the nursery, kissed the top of Ava's head and lay her in her crib. When she didn't cry bloody murder he turned the lights off and headed into Leo's room, where he deposited the boy into bed. As he tucked him in and fetched his stuffed dinosaur, Leo beamed.
"Daddy, where did you find Santa Claus?"
Eric smiled. "Oh, he was just in another neighborhood, delivering present."
"Was Rudolph with him?"
"Sure."
"Did he have a red nose?"
"Of course, it's Rudolph," Eric answered. "Now close your eyes and go to bed, okay? You had way too much excitement tonight."
Leo turned on his side and hugged his stuffed dinosaur tight. "Daddy, Santa Claus drank from my yellow cup, will you take his finger prints and bring them to the lab?"
Eric chuckled. "Alright, little man, I promise." He bent down to kiss his son's straight mass of black hair.
Leo hugged Eric's neck tight and kissed his cheek. "I love you, daddy."
Eric smiled, his heart warming. "I love you too, buddy."
"Night."
"Good night."
He turned the lights off and left the door ajar, and standing in the hallway Eric let his head hit the wall and his eyes closed, his body aching and his eyelids heavy.
And they still had a heap of presents to wrap. He sighed and made his way down stairs, wondering if this night would ever end.
ii
Hours later he stumbled into their bedroom, where Calleigh was already in bed, looking as exhausted as he felt. He climbed in, grunting as his head hit the pillow.
"Well, that was... interesting," Eric sighed.
Calleigh shook her head in wonderment. "Where did you get the suit?"
"Cooper," Eric explained, "apparently he volunteers every Christmas down at the hospital. Who knew?"
"And the elf costume?"
"Don't ask," Eric chuckled. "Let's just be glad that Walgreen's is open 24 hours a day."
Calleigh smiled and inched closer, snaked her arm around his waist and kissed him on the cheek. "You're an amazing dad, Eric."
Eric shook his head. "All I could find was a skinny Santa Claus and a drunken elf."
"That's not what Leo saw," she said. "To him this was the best night of his life. He's gonna grow up and grow old and he'll always look back on this night as the night his dad fetched Santa Claus for him out of the sky. That's... that's amazing, Eric."
Eric looked down and shrugged his shoulders. "I never had Santa Claus as a kid."
"Me neither," she confessed, pressing her nose to his shirt and inhaling his scent; it always made her feel warm and safe.
"I'm glad Leo and Ava do," he said, turning to her and pressing his forehead to hers. "I just want them to be happy."
"They are," Calleigh said, closing her eyes and kissing him gently. "I am, too. I love you."
Eric grinned and returned the kiss, letting his hands roam over her thighs. "Enough to let me open my present early?"
Calleigh's eyes widened and she chuckled. "You can't possibly have the energy after the night we've had!"
"Had a little bit of that elf ale. Keeps you up all night. How do you think Santa Claus does it?" he said. Calleigh chuckled and he smiled, kissing her one last time. "Tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow you might even get to open your present twice," she said. "If you're lucky."
"In that case I'll wait," he said. "As long as there's minimal wrapping involved."
"Oh, don't worry. All the paper's gone, all we have left is a red bow," she teased him.
Eric's eyes twinkled and his smile turned into a grin as she settled against him. "He did get my letter. That wonderful bastard."
Calleigh chuckled. "Night, Twinkle Toes."
"Merry Christmas, Tootsie."
The End
Merry Christmas, everyone!
Author: Skylar
Fandom: CSI: Miami
Characters: Eric/Calleigh, Ryan, Cooper, OC
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Santa Claus is coming to house.
Author's Notes: I was very reluctant to answer this challenge, but then this idea popped into my head so I decided to go along with it. Here are the elements I included: ant-infested mistletoe, glitter glue, a cranky elf, someone climbs something (not a ladder) and a post-margarita headache.
Close Encounters of the Unmerry Kind
by Skylar
Calleigh awoke with a sigh, her eyes opening and quickly adjusting to the darkness. They closed again, for a second or two (or maybe minutes), her body begging for more sleep, but they lazily opened again and she shook her head quickly, trying to get rid of any traces of sleep. She sighed again, nudging the body beside her, knowing she could sleep tomorrow. Tonight, there was work to be done.
"Eric."
Nothing.
"Eric."
"No," came a tired reply.
"It's time," she said, lying a cold hand on his back.
His head still remained buried in his pillow. "Calleigh, the last time you used those words I ended up with a broken toe and sympathy pains."
She smiled fondly at the memory and quickly got out of bed. "Come on, I can't do this without you. Scratch that, I'm not doing this without you, so get your ass out of bed before I nail it down to the mattress."
He smiled into his pillow. "Is that my Christmas present?"
Something hard hit him on the back of his head.
"Too bad."
ii
He lazily made his way down the stairs, rubbing the side of his face and counting the minutes until he could get back to bed. For some reason, during the holidays crime seemed to increase in number but decrease in gravity, and so for the last couple of weeks they'd spent the majority of their time buried in petty cases - a crowd fight at the mall caused by a disgruntled Santa Claus, the same Toys-R-Us being robbed three days in a row by a gang of teenagers, an old lady claiming elves were sneaking into her house at night and stealing her shoes...
After all that insanity he wanted nothing more than to stay home for the next three days and just enjoy not being covered in fingerprint powder and surrounded by crazy. Mostly he needed sleep, peace, and if he was lucky, some quiet.
He reached the living room, where the Christmas tree lights twinkled, bringing a smile to his face. He never was such a big fan of Christmas before. Not that he hated it, but being a man he mostly thought of it as a holiday designed to make people go broke, fat, and drunk. For the last few years, however, he found the holiday had grown on him, seeing it now from a different perspective, and every year, as the holidays neared, he found himself getting a tad excited. For the first 31 years of his life, he knew no Christmas except his mother's Christmas, which was mostly loud and crowded. But then things changed, and now the Christmas he knew was his Christmas, or rather their Christmas, his and Calleigh's. Their take made it much more special (and less loud), and quickly it became his favorite holiday.
Eric crossed the room, turned on the radio and the sounds of Les Brown And His Band Of Renown's rendition of The Nutcracker Suite filled the room. But when he flickered the light switch on he stopped, blinked once, twice, looked around and frowned as he approached the tree.
Next to it, nearly under it (he almost missed it if it hadn't been for the blue pajamas) was his four year old son, sitting on the carpet Indian style, a preoccupied look on his face.
"Hey, buddy," Eric said, crouching down to his son's level. "What are you doing up?"
"There are ants on the cookies," the boy replied stressfully.
"Oh," Eric said and looked down. Leo clutched a plate of cookies in the shape of mistletoes, and they were, indeed, covered in ants. They hurried from one end of the plate to the other, carrying all the cookie crumbles they could, down the ceramic plate, Leo's pants, and finally into the carpet and away.
Eric winced and took the plate away before Calleigh came down, saw it and freaked out. "It's okay, we'll just get some more."
But Leo sighed and rested his face in his hands, elbows on his legs. "How is Santa Claus going to find our house?"
Eric frowned as he blew away a few tenacious ants. "Well, Santa Claus has a special navigational system that helps him find every house in the world."
Leo frowned and looked at him reluctantly, and expression Calleigh used so often that it nearly gave Eric goosebumps. He knew, as a scientist, that children are genetic dumps of their parents, but it still shocked him to see every day how much Leo took after his mother.
"Come on, let's go to bed."
But Leo didn't move, looking around the room and then out the window. "How is he going to get into the house?"
Eric frowned and started to get a little hesitant. Leo had never asked questions about Santa Claus before, mostly due to his young age during his first three Christmases. But having just turned four, he was starting to get curious about everything, and his curiosity was often accompanied by skepticism. A true scientist at heart, Eric thought, but it made his job as a father much harder. Leo wasn't often satisfied with cute stories - he liked to see evidence, and Eric wasn't sure how he was going to convince him of the existence of Santa Claus, not without proof.
"He's... got keys."
"Like magic keys?" Leo said.
"Sure."
Leo frowned. "Daddy, how are the keys magic?"
"They just are," Eric said, scratching his forehead. "Like universal keys. They open every lock."
"Oh," Leo said. His eyes drifted downwards and he thought some more. "Mrs. Martinez says he comes in through the chimney."
"Yeah, sometimes."
"But we don't have a chimney."
"No, we don't, that's why he'll use the key."
Leo seemed satisfied with the answer, and Eric breathed a sigh of relief, but the feeling didn't last long. "Where did he get the key?"
Eric finally sighed. "I gave it to him. Now come on, time to go to bed."
Leo looked ahead, his fingers tapping on the palm of his hand, and for a moment he remained quiet, and with determination he looked up at his father and proclaimed, "I wanna see him."
Eric's head dropped, and he put the plate away. Most of the ants had already escaped unharmed. "We already took you to see Santa, remember?"
"I wanna see him again," Leo said.
"Well," Eric started, trying to come up with a feasible explanation as to why Leo couldn't see Santa Claus, but there was none that he could think of. Well, maybe the fact that Santa Claus wasn't real, but he couldn't tell his son that.
He never really was into Santa Claus as a child, mostly because his oldest sister, when he was merely two, drilled it into his head that there was no Santa Claus. As a result Eric never grew attached to the mystical figure. His parents would take him to the toy store every year, where he was allowed to pick one cheap toy, which was then wrapped and placed under the tree until Christmas Day.
There never was a Santa Claus growing up, he never had to deal with his existence (and lack thereof) and now, he was at a loss. Luckily his son's brain wasn't nearly as developed as his, all he had to do was outsmart Leo.
Couldn't be too hard. Could it?
"Well, you know, Santa Claus is gonna be really busy tonight," Eric explained. "And he won't have time to say hi, so let's go to bed and tomorrow we get to open all the presents together, okay?"
"But I won't say hi, daddy, I promise," Leo pleaded.
Eric sighed. Dammit. "I know, but Santa doesn't like being seen on Christmas."
"Why?"
"Because..." God damn it. "He'll... get distracted and he won't be able to finish delivering all the presents in time."
"But I won't distact him, I promise!" Leo said.
"What's going on?"
Eric looked back and let out a sigh of relief when he saw Calleigh there. He stood up with a grunt. "We have a little problem."
Calleigh frowned and looked down at Leo, placing her hands on her hips. "What are you doing out of bed?"
"I wanna see Santa Claus," Leo said, determined.
"He wants to see Santa Claus," Eric echoed.
Calleigh glanced from her husband to her son. "You already saw Santa Claus at the mall, remember?"
"I wanna see him again," Leo said stubbornly.
"He wants to see him again," Eric trailed.
"Eric, stop that," Calleigh said, a little annoyed.
Leo looked up at is mother. "Aiden says there is no Santa Claus."
"Well, honey, Aiden also eats worms, so I wouldn't necessarily put his opinion up on a pedestal," Calleigh said smugly. "Come on, we have to go to bed now."
"Why?"
"Because I said so," Calleigh said sternly. "And because if Santa catches you out of bed you won't be getting any presents, take your pick."
Eric winced and looked at her. "Calleigh, maybe we could--"
"Eric."
"Okay," he relented quickly, taking one step back.
Calleigh ignored him and looked at her son. "I'm counting to three, Leonardo."
But nothing happened. In her ability to pass on all her traits to her son during conception, Calleigh had also given him her unwavering stubbornness, and when the two butted heads there was very little Eric could do but try to referee his way into the mix. Sometimes it worked. Often, it didn't. Vic Damone's It's A Marshmallow World began to play in the background, and he took a step towards Calleigh and inched his head closer to hers to whisper.
"I'm just saying, let's just wait a couple of minutes, he'll get tired, he'll fall asleep, and then we'll take him to bed," he explained.
"No, Eric, this isn't Leo Land, okay? He doesn't call the shots," she said.
"He just wants to see Santa Claus."
"He already saw Santa Claus."
"I wanna see him again," Leo said.
Calleigh sighed, rubbing her forehead. Shaking her head, she stepped back. "Alright, you wanna do this? Let's do it, let's wait for Santa."
Next to her, Eric nodded, knowing there was no way Leo would be able to stay awake more than half an hour. He knew Calleigh hated to let Leo call the shots, she was a disciplinarian at heart, but Eric thought sometimes it was best to let Leo realize his own mistakes, rather than having his parents point them out for him constantly. And so they sat on the couch, waiting.
And waiting.
And while waiting, his head began to sway back and forth, Calleigh's foot began to jitter, and Leo sat by the Christmas tree, his eyes wide open, his fingers itchy with anticipation. Fifteen minutes passed, and then fifteen more, and when another fifteen came and went Calleigh cleared her throat and Eric's eyes shot open.
"You know, Leo, Santa has to visit a lot of houses tonight," Calleigh said. "Might take him hours to get here."
"Okay," Leo replied.
Calleigh nodded and looked at Eric, her eyebrows raised. "Any more brilliant ideas?"
Eric sighed. Alright, so clearly Leo wasn't as tired as he thought. Or maybe waiting for Santa Claus to magically appear in their house hadn't been such a hot idea. Who knew? But he was tried. Exhausted, and he could see Leo was not planning on giving up any time soon. They could wait some more, he knew eventually Leo would fall asleep, but it was late and they'd yet to wrap all the presents. If Leo didn't go to bed soon something bad was going to happen - Santa would not show up, given his nonexistence, Leo would be heartbroken, and Christmas would be ruined.
As a father, he knew it was his job not to let that happen.
So finally he stood up, walked to the foyer and grabbed his jacket from the hat rack, finding his keys in their pocket.
Calleigh frowned. "Where are you going?"
Eric opened the front door and sighed. "I'm... getting Santa Claus."
Calleigh's face fell, while Leo beamed, stood up and ran to the couch. "Bring the elves, daddy!"
"Eric, no," Calleigh complained. "Where on Earth are you--?"
"I don't know," Eric sighed, scratching his forehead. "But wish me luck."
"Luck!" Leo giggled happily.
Eric shut the door close, and as he did a loud wailing came from upstairs. Calleigh sighed, throwing her head back, feeling her body ache with exhaustion, her head beginning to throb. There's no place like Bali she chanted in her head.
Leo wrapped his arms around her neck and kissed her cheek. "It's okay, mommy. I asked Santa Claus for a baby that doesn't cry," he whispered in her ear.
She couldn't help but chuckle.
ii
A few minutes later she sat in a rocking chair in the humid nursery, trying to get the baby to fall back asleep. But for the past few days the 6 month old had been fighting off a cold, and was teething again to boot, and so Calleigh merely rocked herself back and forth as the baby gnawed on her finger, drooling, her nose running.
She didn't know what Eric was up to, but she hoped he would come home soon, or else she was sure he'd spend the rest of the week sleeping on the couch.
"Mommy, what does this do?" Leo suddenly asked from the carpet.
"It's a humidifier," Calleigh explained, too exhausted to fully go into the working details of the machine. "It's for your sister's runny nose."
Leo looked at the machine, thinking about the answer for a while before he looked at Calleigh and frowned. "How are you going to fit that in her nose?"
She couldn't help but laugh, and that made her feel much better. Motherhood hadn't been easy, especially when dealing with her own mirrored personality in the body of a four year old, but she could always count on Leo to make her laugh, and that made all the difference in the world.
Leo stood up and walked over, forgetting about the machine. The baby quickly reached for him and he held her tiny hand in his.
"Mom, how does Santa Claus know if Ava has been nice?" he asked curiously.
Calleigh smiled. "He always knows."
"How does he know what Ava wants for Christmas?"
"Well," she said, "honey, she's too young to want anything, so he'll just bring her something nice and hopefully whatever it is, she'll like it."
Leo looked at the baby and thought for a while before the litany of questions began again. "Mom, have you been nice?"
"Yes, I've been nice."
Leo suddenly frowned. "I don't think daddy's been nice."
She looked at him inquisitively. "Why not?"
"Mom, he gave you a boo boo on your neck," Leo said gravely.
Calleigh chuckled, her cheeks turning slightly red. "Honey, that was just a little accident."
"Oh," Leo said. The baby gurgled and cooed, trying to catch her big brother's attention, but Leo turned serious instead and looked worried. "Mom, is daddy going to find Santa Claus?"
Calleigh nodded warmly. "Honey, your dad is going to find that man if it kills him."
Leo smiled and her heart melted.
ii
Outside the house, Eric stood with his band of merry men, or rather unmerry goons. Ryan looked like he wanted to die, dressed sloppily in a Santa Claus outfit that was too big for him, and Dan Cooper stood next to him in a terrible makeshift elf outfit, his face covered in green paint, his cardboard box hat decorated with cheap glitter glue that made him look more like a fairy than an elf. He looked terrible, but at this point Eric knew he had to take what he could get.
"Delko, I gotta tell you something," Cooper said seriously, his words slightly surly. "First of all, I love your kids, I do--"
"I could take them or leave them," Ryan confessed.
"But this is stupid," Cooper continued.
"Don't you think I know that?" Eric said. "But that's my four year old son in there, sitting next to the Christmas tree, waiting for Santa Claus. How do you tell him he won't get to see Santa Claus tonight because there is no Santa Claus?"
Cooper sighed heavily and rolled his eyes. "I mean, it's my Santa suit, I should be Santa!"
Eric looked at him. "Seriously?"
"Wolfe doesn't even know how to do the laugh. Why does he get to be Santa and I'm stuck with the elf suit?" Cooper continued crankily.
"Probably because I haven't had a barrel of margaritas tonight," Ryan said defensively. "And what the fuck? There's nothing to it. You sit there, you wish him a merry Christmas, blah blah fuck, and get the fuck out of here. I mean, that's what's going on, right?"
Eric nodded. "Hopefully with a hundred percent less fucks, but yeah, basically."
"See?" Ryan said.
"I should be Santa," Cooper huffed. "It's my suit."
"There's no way in hell I'm wearing an elf costume," Ryan warned Eric, "or else I'm getting the hell out of here I don't care if I make a thousand babies cry in agonizing emotional pain, I won't do it. The Santa suit is bad enough."
"Okay, settle down you two," Eric said. "Look, this will only take five minutes, okay? Just go in there, let him talk to you for a while, and then you can go back to your stupid party, okay?"
Ryan shook his head. "Man, you owe us big time."
"I swear I'll make it up to you," Eric said. "Now come on, you have to go in through the upstairs window."
Ryan looked at him seriously. "What?"
"You can't just waltz in through the front door like Ricky Ricardo," Eric explained.
"Why the hell not?"
"You're Santa Claus," Dan said, still slightly drunk, "it's supposed to be magical. God, you suck at this. Can I wear the damn suit?"
"No!"
"Well, I sure as hell aren't climbing up there," Ryan said. "We're already going out of our way to do this for your kid, I'm not gonna add a broken leg to the contract."
"Don't be such a woman, Wolfe," Eric said and he leaned over, threading his fingers together for leverage. "Come on, I'll give you a push."
"No."
"Just do it!"
"This is too dangerous, I'll fall," Ryan complained.
"No you won't."
"I'll catch you," Cooper said.
"What? Why will there be catching involved?" Ryan said.
"There won't be, because you're not gonna fall. Come on, just do it," Eric said.
"We're doing this with a drunken Dan as my safety net? He's seeing double!"
"Dude, I'm totally fine," Cooper said, he turned around and leaned over. "Come on, climb up my back."
Ryan looked at him, his eyebrows furrowed, a look of reproach on his face. Muttering an obscenity under his breath, he sighed and jumped into Dan's back piggy back ride style, Eric's hands behind him, trying to push him up. The second story of the house still seemed miles away, and he had no idea how the hell he was going to make it up there without breaking a few bones. Not to mention Eric and Cooper were touching him in places he wasn't fond of being touched by a man. The scene seemed to have been taken out of his worst nightmares, dressed in a Santa suit, half drunk, trying to climb up to the second story of a house. Man, he was going to make sure Eric paid for this.
Lucky for him, the front door suddenly opened, and the three men turned their heads to see Calleigh holding Ava, Leo standing in front of her. Her mouth opened at the sight of Eric and Cooper, each one with a hand on Ryan's ass cheeks, trying to propel him into the air.
"Oh. My. God," she said.
"Santa!" Leo squealed, jumping in place.
Cooper and Eric quickly released Ryan and he fell onto the ground with a loud thump. Quickly he stood up, clearing his throat and dusting off his suit.
"Ho, ho, ho!" Ryan said in a deep, jovial voice. "Merry Christmas!"
"Ho, ho, ho, not ho, ho, ho," Cooper said, still crabby.
"Shut up," Eric whispered at him.
"Merry Christmas, everybody!"
"Santa, is that you?" Leo said.
"Of course it's me, it's Christmas, and I'm Santa! Ho, ho, ho!"
"Oh my God," Calleigh repeated.
"Calleigh, where are your manners?" Eric said.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she said, trying not to laugh, she turned to Ryan. "Santa Claus, would you like to come in?"
"Yes, for I am Santa Claus! Ho, ho, ho!" Ryan's voice boomed and Eric smacked his forehead. There was no way Leo would buy this. Cooper had been right -- Ryan was the worst Santa Claus in recorded history.
But Leo jumped in place in excitement, grabbing Ryan by the hand and guiding him into the house, the rest of the crowd in tow. For the first time Calleigh noticed Cooper's costume and she finally burst into laughter, but Eric nudged her ribs and she tried to control herself.
"Santa, are you thirsty?" Leo asked, preoccupied as he helped Ryan sit on the couch.
"Well, now that you mention it, I wouldn't mind a little eggnog," Ryan said pointedly, looking at Eric, who rolled his eyes and went into the kitchen. "And cookies, for I am hungry! And hurry, Santa has many adventures tonight!"
"Are you really going to China, Santa?" Leo said, climbing into Ryan's lap.
"Of course!" Ryan's voice boomed. "Santa travels to every country in the world, delivering presents for boys and girls!"
"Well," Calleigh said. "For that reason, Santa can't stay long tonight. Right, Santa?"
"Right," Ryan said. "How's that eggnog coming along?"
Eric walked back into the living room with the snacks. "Right here, Santa."
"Is that bitterness I detect in your voice?" Ryan said. "Boy, I sure would hate to put you on my naughty list."
"Daddy," Leo complained. "Be nice."
"I am nice," Eric said between clenched teeth, depositing the eggnog and cookies on the coffee table.
"I don't see any cookies for my trusty elf assistant," Ryan said.
"Your trusty elf assistant has been drinking a lot of elf ale tonight, Santa. I don't think he should be drinking eggnog and eating cookies," Eric said.
"Nonsense," Ryan said and clapped his hands. "Cookies for everyone, chop chop!"
Eric sighed and looked at Calleigh, who was trying to suppress a smile. He went off in search of more cookies while Leo's bombardment of questions began.
"Santa, why are you so skinny?" he asked curiously.
"Well, little boy," Ryan said, stuffing his mouth with cookies, getting crumbs all over his beard. "Mrs. Claus has been busting my chops lately about going on a diet. So I joined the gym and pumped it up, got into shape, dumped her and got me a new wife. You should always eat your vegetables, little boy."
Leo looked from Cooper to Ryan as Eric walked into the room with more cookies. "Where's your bag, Santa?"
Ryan looked at him and looked at Cooper for help. "Um..."
"It's... an invisible bag," Cooper said, trying not to slur his words.
"Right."
"With toys."
"And shit."
"Yeah, the toys will appear after you've gone to bed," Cooper said, "so, you know. Go to bed."
"Did you bring me a new bike?" Leo asked, excited.
"Uh, Santa's gift are a surprise. You can only see them after you've gone to bed," Ryan said.
"Go to bed," Cooper said, grabbing a handful of cookies.
"Did you bring any presents for Ava?" Leo continued.
"Sure."
"And mommy and daddy?"
"Yes, yes, everyone, jeez," Ryan said.
"Santa, is the North Pole cold?"
"Of course it is. Very cold."
"How much do you pay your elves?"
"Not enough," Cooper said, swallowing a mouthful off cookies and washing them down with eggnog.
"Elves are very well taken care of. Santa's very fair," Ryan said. "Go to bed."
"What do you feed the reindeer?" Leo continued.
"Kids who ask too many questions," Ryan replied and Eric cleared his throat loudly. Ryan looked at him and shook his head. "I mean, hay and hot dogs."
"Does Rudolph need batteries for his nose?"
"No," Ryan said, chuckling condescendingly. "What kind of stupid question is that?"
"It's a question that comes from a four year old," Eric said pointedly. He was starting to wish he'd let Cooper wear the costume, but in his drunken state there's no way the other man would've been able to keep up the charade.
Leo continued. "What if there's joined twins and one was naughty and one was nice, do they get presents?"
Ryan looked at him. "What?"
"Daddy says joined twins are two people stuck together," Leo explained.
Ryan shook his head, trying to think of an answer. "Well, I guess the nice twin gets a present."
"What if he needs the naughty twin's arm to play with the toy, Santa?" Leo added.
Ryan frowned, looking down. "I don't... I don't know."
"I'm sure if the naughty twin promises to be nice he can play with the toy, right?" Eric said.
Ryan shook his head. "Sure. Whatever."
"Uh oh," Cooper suddenly said, placing his hands on his stomach. "Uh, I think I need to use the bathroom."
Calleigh narrowed her eyes at him. "Why?"
But Dan's face turned even greener and he sprinted out of the living room, and reached the bathroom just in time to throw up in the toilet. Calleigh heard the retching sounds and sighed, passing Ava onto Eric and walking over to investigate.
"What's wrong with the elf?" Leo asked.
"Tootsie has been eating too many cookies tonight," Eric said. "That's why you need to listen to your mother when she says no more sweets."
Ryan frowned. "God, is everything a freaking lesson around here?"
"That's what happens when you have kids, Santa," Eric said, frowning slightly at him.
"Do you have kids, Santa?" Leo asked.
"Oh, all the children of the world are my kids," Ryan said. "Even the ugly ones."
"Alright, that's it," Calleigh said, escorting a sick Cooper into the room. "Twinkle Toes here just threw up on the bathroom mat."
"I'm sorry," Cooper said miserably. He grabbed his pounding head and groaned. "Ugh, the room is spinning."
"Time for Santa Claus to go now," Calleigh said, recoiling at Cooper's stench. "And take his... merry elf with him."
"Yes, I have to deliver many presents tonight, for I am Santa," Ryan proclaimed.
Leo's smile widened and he threw himself into Ryan's embrace. "I love you, Santa."
Ryan chuckled heartily. "I love you too, Jimmy."
"Leo."
"Right," he said, patting the child's back. "Now run along, Santa has many more houses to visit before the night is over."
"Well, thank you for stopping by, Santa, we really appreciate it," Calleigh said, escorting him and a still pale green Cooper out the door.
"Oh, don't worry. Santa will make sure you remember this for many, many years to come," Ryan said, his Santa voice intensifying.
"I'm sure you will," Eric said. "Thanks, by the way."
"Well, Santa sure could use a little gas money," Ryan said.
Eric sighed and rolled his eyes, switched the baby to his other arm and dug into his pockets for his wallet, and produced a 20 dollar bill.
"That's it? I have to fly all over the freaking world, you know."
"Okay, don't push it," Eric said, nudging him out the door, and when he closed the door he heard Cooper throw up in the bushes outside. He closed his eyes, trying not to gag himself, at the sound and the realization that he would have to clean that up in the morning.
But Leo was excited, grinning and jumping into place, and quickly Eric forgot about the projectile vomiting and smiled. "Alright, you saw Santa, time to go to bed now."
"Okay!" Leo said, allowing his father to pick him up. Eric left Calleigh cleaning up downstairs and made his way into the nursery, kissed the top of Ava's head and lay her in her crib. When she didn't cry bloody murder he turned the lights off and headed into Leo's room, where he deposited the boy into bed. As he tucked him in and fetched his stuffed dinosaur, Leo beamed.
"Daddy, where did you find Santa Claus?"
Eric smiled. "Oh, he was just in another neighborhood, delivering present."
"Was Rudolph with him?"
"Sure."
"Did he have a red nose?"
"Of course, it's Rudolph," Eric answered. "Now close your eyes and go to bed, okay? You had way too much excitement tonight."
Leo turned on his side and hugged his stuffed dinosaur tight. "Daddy, Santa Claus drank from my yellow cup, will you take his finger prints and bring them to the lab?"
Eric chuckled. "Alright, little man, I promise." He bent down to kiss his son's straight mass of black hair.
Leo hugged Eric's neck tight and kissed his cheek. "I love you, daddy."
Eric smiled, his heart warming. "I love you too, buddy."
"Night."
"Good night."
He turned the lights off and left the door ajar, and standing in the hallway Eric let his head hit the wall and his eyes closed, his body aching and his eyelids heavy.
And they still had a heap of presents to wrap. He sighed and made his way down stairs, wondering if this night would ever end.
ii
Hours later he stumbled into their bedroom, where Calleigh was already in bed, looking as exhausted as he felt. He climbed in, grunting as his head hit the pillow.
"Well, that was... interesting," Eric sighed.
Calleigh shook her head in wonderment. "Where did you get the suit?"
"Cooper," Eric explained, "apparently he volunteers every Christmas down at the hospital. Who knew?"
"And the elf costume?"
"Don't ask," Eric chuckled. "Let's just be glad that Walgreen's is open 24 hours a day."
Calleigh smiled and inched closer, snaked her arm around his waist and kissed him on the cheek. "You're an amazing dad, Eric."
Eric shook his head. "All I could find was a skinny Santa Claus and a drunken elf."
"That's not what Leo saw," she said. "To him this was the best night of his life. He's gonna grow up and grow old and he'll always look back on this night as the night his dad fetched Santa Claus for him out of the sky. That's... that's amazing, Eric."
Eric looked down and shrugged his shoulders. "I never had Santa Claus as a kid."
"Me neither," she confessed, pressing her nose to his shirt and inhaling his scent; it always made her feel warm and safe.
"I'm glad Leo and Ava do," he said, turning to her and pressing his forehead to hers. "I just want them to be happy."
"They are," Calleigh said, closing her eyes and kissing him gently. "I am, too. I love you."
Eric grinned and returned the kiss, letting his hands roam over her thighs. "Enough to let me open my present early?"
Calleigh's eyes widened and she chuckled. "You can't possibly have the energy after the night we've had!"
"Had a little bit of that elf ale. Keeps you up all night. How do you think Santa Claus does it?" he said. Calleigh chuckled and he smiled, kissing her one last time. "Tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow you might even get to open your present twice," she said. "If you're lucky."
"In that case I'll wait," he said. "As long as there's minimal wrapping involved."
"Oh, don't worry. All the paper's gone, all we have left is a red bow," she teased him.
Eric's eyes twinkled and his smile turned into a grin as she settled against him. "He did get my letter. That wonderful bastard."
Calleigh chuckled. "Night, Twinkle Toes."
"Merry Christmas, Tootsie."
The End
Merry Christmas, everyone!