Ugh, Life (Whiney Post: sorry)
Hey gang,
Dude, life is killing me right now. For those of you who don't know, I'm back at Rutgers finishing the degree I should have gotten years ago. I finally have the money to afford tuition (with help from my family) and I have always intended on going back to finish. I refuse to let the RU screw keep me down forever. I was 7 credits short, so I'm taking 7 credits right now.
But working full-time and taking 7 credits is unbelievably draining. I'm tired all the time. And miserable. And every time I see my friends I feel like I need to cram in as much as possible because I don't know when I'll have the time/energy to see them again. I slept through my alarm and missed class this morning. I've never slept through an alarm before in my life. My body is rebelling against this awful schedule I'm keeping. And when I woke up all I could think of was how miserable I'm going to be this week.
I have to go to the hospital today. I had an accident at work last week and my arm is still very sore, so I have to see someone about it. Anyone who knows me will know that I have a crippling fear of hospitals and doctors. Pile on top of that the fact that for insurance purposes I have to get everything approved by my boss who doesn't like me very much, and I'm gonna be lucky if I make it through the day without wanting to kill myself. Also I'll probably have to work my full shift before I go to the hospital because god knows the place couldn't get by for a day without me.
And then tomorrow I have to go to court. That same stupid traffic ticket that has been hounding me for a year now is still kicking my ass. I think tomorrow will be the last of it, but who knows. Lawyers and courts don't freak me out as much as doctors, but I still really don't want to go. Partially because the court is in the building that I was incarcerated in briefly over the summer, and I still have kinda bad memories about that.
And there was no hot water in the shower this morning. And I have nowhere to live next year. And no money or food. Ugh. Ok, I know there are people out there who have things worse than me, but I needed a minute to say that I'm really struggling right now. I don't know what I need. A hug, maybe. Someone to say that everything is gonna be ok possibly. Some assurance that anything in my life is actually worthwhile or semi-permanent would be nice. I keep having these nightmares that everything in my life catches up to me at once and everyone I know sees how upset this makes me, so they all decide to leave me alone. It's the most emo dreamever, but I've had it almost every night for the past week. Ugh, what's wrong with me.
Ok, sorry! I'm really ok, I just needed to get that stuff off my chest. I can get my life back on track in the next couple of days and then everything will be fine. I just need some strength to make it that far. Game face time!
Dude, life is killing me right now. For those of you who don't know, I'm back at Rutgers finishing the degree I should have gotten years ago. I finally have the money to afford tuition (with help from my family) and I have always intended on going back to finish. I refuse to let the RU screw keep me down forever. I was 7 credits short, so I'm taking 7 credits right now.
But working full-time and taking 7 credits is unbelievably draining. I'm tired all the time. And miserable. And every time I see my friends I feel like I need to cram in as much as possible because I don't know when I'll have the time/energy to see them again. I slept through my alarm and missed class this morning. I've never slept through an alarm before in my life. My body is rebelling against this awful schedule I'm keeping. And when I woke up all I could think of was how miserable I'm going to be this week.
I have to go to the hospital today. I had an accident at work last week and my arm is still very sore, so I have to see someone about it. Anyone who knows me will know that I have a crippling fear of hospitals and doctors. Pile on top of that the fact that for insurance purposes I have to get everything approved by my boss who doesn't like me very much, and I'm gonna be lucky if I make it through the day without wanting to kill myself. Also I'll probably have to work my full shift before I go to the hospital because god knows the place couldn't get by for a day without me.
And then tomorrow I have to go to court. That same stupid traffic ticket that has been hounding me for a year now is still kicking my ass. I think tomorrow will be the last of it, but who knows. Lawyers and courts don't freak me out as much as doctors, but I still really don't want to go. Partially because the court is in the building that I was incarcerated in briefly over the summer, and I still have kinda bad memories about that.
And there was no hot water in the shower this morning. And I have nowhere to live next year. And no money or food. Ugh. Ok, I know there are people out there who have things worse than me, but I needed a minute to say that I'm really struggling right now. I don't know what I need. A hug, maybe. Someone to say that everything is gonna be ok possibly. Some assurance that anything in my life is actually worthwhile or semi-permanent would be nice. I keep having these nightmares that everything in my life catches up to me at once and everyone I know sees how upset this makes me, so they all decide to leave me alone. It's the most emo dreamever, but I've had it almost every night for the past week. Ugh, what's wrong with me.
Ok, sorry! I'm really ok, I just needed to get that stuff off my chest. I can get my life back on track in the next couple of days and then everything will be fine. I just need some strength to make it that far. Game face time!