you just can't
the feeling of remorse just slowing drips at one drop at a time within a small hole... the small hole that is a direct opening within the mind and heart... when you feel that emotion... you just can't but help feel what is to come
the pain and the sorrow of the world... the feelings of despair that you just see in each and every part of yourself...
"you're not a bad person"
oh but i am... the wretch i am cannot possibly live to whatever goodness that people see within me... yeah... a good heart... but what is that... how can i produce goodness... when i am always left in this anguished state of mind... my heart is torn... my mind has been reprimanded and my thoughts no longer think of what is good...
good.... what can anybody possibly know... what is it that you see that i cannot... when i see that the trials i have ahead of me... i cannot help but think that i am too short for the leap...
and the truth of it all is that... i am always ever so short as to where i wish to leap at... there is no completion within my soul... an empty barren wasteland that always gets uglier the more you know it...
running away... well yes that would be a first thought... but who does not wish to be like a child? those innocent ways where one decides whatever that is to come and just simply act on it... killing thyself... oh yes... but only great remorse... only to know that you are simply... murdering thyself... and pity it is...
you wish to drown... you wish to sink to the bottom... when you're already there... you wish a knife would pierce your heart... but never ever going for it...
then alas... you wish to lie down... and a sweet long slumber you wish... a slumber that you will never have to wake up to find more remorse in the next...
just running away... no... trying to get away... just for a while... but no peace can come from that...
i am but a loss as to what i wish to do... i pray to you dear heavenly Father... to restore peace within my soul... but i am left to only think of how ugly i am... of how much evil that is stored within me... i cannot help to think that all i am inclined to do is the evil resting within my very heart and mind... no clear thoughts are coming... i am left at a loss... a deep hole that i cannot pull myself out of... i cry and cry... but to no avail will anything change...
what's done is done.... or what is to come... shall be
the pain and the sorrow of the world... the feelings of despair that you just see in each and every part of yourself...
"you're not a bad person"
oh but i am... the wretch i am cannot possibly live to whatever goodness that people see within me... yeah... a good heart... but what is that... how can i produce goodness... when i am always left in this anguished state of mind... my heart is torn... my mind has been reprimanded and my thoughts no longer think of what is good...
good.... what can anybody possibly know... what is it that you see that i cannot... when i see that the trials i have ahead of me... i cannot help but think that i am too short for the leap...
and the truth of it all is that... i am always ever so short as to where i wish to leap at... there is no completion within my soul... an empty barren wasteland that always gets uglier the more you know it...
running away... well yes that would be a first thought... but who does not wish to be like a child? those innocent ways where one decides whatever that is to come and just simply act on it... killing thyself... oh yes... but only great remorse... only to know that you are simply... murdering thyself... and pity it is...
you wish to drown... you wish to sink to the bottom... when you're already there... you wish a knife would pierce your heart... but never ever going for it...
then alas... you wish to lie down... and a sweet long slumber you wish... a slumber that you will never have to wake up to find more remorse in the next...
just running away... no... trying to get away... just for a while... but no peace can come from that...
i am but a loss as to what i wish to do... i pray to you dear heavenly Father... to restore peace within my soul... but i am left to only think of how ugly i am... of how much evil that is stored within me... i cannot help to think that all i am inclined to do is the evil resting within my very heart and mind... no clear thoughts are coming... i am left at a loss... a deep hole that i cannot pull myself out of... i cry and cry... but to no avail will anything change...
what's done is done.... or what is to come... shall be