THIS.
Found this treasure thanks to sf_drama . Comes from fanficrants :
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This is way too common and needs to be addressed
I've seen this in too many fanfics and too many doujins as well; gay men are not women with penises.
A man is a man, even if he's attracted to other men. No gay male couples would discuss or argue about who the 'woman' is in their relationship. I'm 99% sure that no gay man would like it if his partner treated him like a girl or like one of them had to be submissive and the other dominant, as in a "traditional" male-female relationship.
Obviously, couples do not have to be male-female, nor do gay couples have to act like they are in a heterosexual relationship. So why are they written like that all the time? There is no... stencil that couples must fit in; a gay man will not, upon entering a relationship with another man, automatically become feminine and delicate --or make is partner do so and become "the husband" himself-- because some magic, unspoken rule says that a couple has to be a 'husband' and 'wife'.
EDIT: To make a long story short, wives are female. Period.
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And all I can say is:
THIS. THIS. A MILLION FUCKING TIMES THIS.