(no subject)
goddamnit. there are so many things i want to do. where do i start. i'm not organized for this shit. though the fact that i'm writing this is good progress. maybe someone out there will ask me how its going and put me back on target as i will invevitably wander from the path.
for some reason i really enjoy reading the journals of people i see almost everyday. even though we are all quite close, i sometimes feel as if i'm not really getting it, unless i'm reading it. its wonderfully insightful. maybe i have some social disease. maybe its just my generation. things are different on the internet.
i guess if i feel this way, maybe others do too. i know i hide in person. maybe now i'm thinking i'll open up here. its safer that way.
and harder to get out than shit after a gallon of eggnog.
nevermind.
you should be able to sum up everything you are in one sentence, thrity seconds or less. so my marketing teacher told me. like how pictures on the internet need to load in 10sec or less or no one will stick around to see.
so how would i say it.
"i'm a photographer. i'm a dancer. i'm a costume designer and a coffee connoisseur. i am an artist."
it just sounds like some bullshit. it wouldn't if i could say it with confidence. but instead, when people ask... i just tell them i work at starbucks.
its not that i'm not confident. i am. its just... i don't know. i could be so much more. there is sooooo much more.
potential.
'one who enjoys with discrimination and appreciation of subtleties'
already i've lost target. but this feels good. this way i can relate better with the people who are really important to me.
stay on target.
LIST
!: photography. people would buy it. its pretty good. no one knows about it. you should tell them. you haven't developed a roll of film for over 7months. lazy. you want to print. buy some darkroom space. get your shit together. fix your website. send some stuff to galleries. talk to people. you have the space now, in your new house. make it happen.
@: dance. i guess you're a professional now. pretty good for three years worth of work. but thats no reason to stop now. there is sooooooo much you don't know. you could be so much better. you could be more involved. stay humble. keep taking classes. buy a sword. find a teacher. pick up some more videos. isolate. improve. you have the space now. make it happen.
#: costume. i'm pretty happy with this. what? satisfaction? just continue working on your web page. keep making stuff. you need more content. manufacture, manufacture, manufacture. build your inventory. then worry about distribution. people will like it, want it, need it. you just need more of it. make it happen.
$: boxes. once in a class i made a beautiful portfolio box. everyone in the class did. i found it immensely satisfying. everyones box was different. as different as each person and as different as their actual content. a reflection. better than a horoscope. more informing. by looking at my box i could tell you who i was at the time. there are always elements of yourself present. but i could tell you the variables too. who was influenceing me stylistically, what mood i was in. how much sleep i was getting. people pay hundreds of dollars for custom made portfolios in a attempt to set themselves apart from others. i could sell these to rich art students who don't know any other way to set themselves apart then by buying something. i could also sell these to people who have an idea but just aren't inclined to make one. i can do these things. i could make two exactly alike and they still wouldn't be the same. they are infinitely variable. i just need content. i need to build my inventory. i need space. i have that now. make it happen.
i guess these are the things i want to work on. i also want to improve my relationships with the people around me. i could be a better person. sometimes i feel like half a person. like people know me, but its only half of me. misunderstood.
i also need to work on my anger issues. i have so much anger. i don't know where it comes from. its just always there. it fuels me on days i would normally just lay down and cry.
i'm not an unhappy person. i just need a lot of help. i'm trying. i really want to make an effort. effort. why is that so hard. effort is my greatest enemy. it always has been. why try? without effort, i make things that most ordinary people seem to be happy with. i'm not. i know my potential.
i need help. for this i owe. i want to help. we will help eachother. i know our potential.
things ARE changing.
if someone could just write me a script that would refresh my mind every minute or so.
i feel lighter. i am aware of breathing.
i suffocate in stagnant air.
take a deep breath. make it happen.
i just wanted to say... i haven't given up yet.
for some reason i really enjoy reading the journals of people i see almost everyday. even though we are all quite close, i sometimes feel as if i'm not really getting it, unless i'm reading it. its wonderfully insightful. maybe i have some social disease. maybe its just my generation. things are different on the internet.
i guess if i feel this way, maybe others do too. i know i hide in person. maybe now i'm thinking i'll open up here. its safer that way.
and harder to get out than shit after a gallon of eggnog.
nevermind.
you should be able to sum up everything you are in one sentence, thrity seconds or less. so my marketing teacher told me. like how pictures on the internet need to load in 10sec or less or no one will stick around to see.
so how would i say it.
"i'm a photographer. i'm a dancer. i'm a costume designer and a coffee connoisseur. i am an artist."
it just sounds like some bullshit. it wouldn't if i could say it with confidence. but instead, when people ask... i just tell them i work at starbucks.
its not that i'm not confident. i am. its just... i don't know. i could be so much more. there is sooooo much more.
potential.
'one who enjoys with discrimination and appreciation of subtleties'
already i've lost target. but this feels good. this way i can relate better with the people who are really important to me.
stay on target.
LIST
!: photography. people would buy it. its pretty good. no one knows about it. you should tell them. you haven't developed a roll of film for over 7months. lazy. you want to print. buy some darkroom space. get your shit together. fix your website. send some stuff to galleries. talk to people. you have the space now, in your new house. make it happen.
@: dance. i guess you're a professional now. pretty good for three years worth of work. but thats no reason to stop now. there is sooooooo much you don't know. you could be so much better. you could be more involved. stay humble. keep taking classes. buy a sword. find a teacher. pick up some more videos. isolate. improve. you have the space now. make it happen.
#: costume. i'm pretty happy with this. what? satisfaction? just continue working on your web page. keep making stuff. you need more content. manufacture, manufacture, manufacture. build your inventory. then worry about distribution. people will like it, want it, need it. you just need more of it. make it happen.
$: boxes. once in a class i made a beautiful portfolio box. everyone in the class did. i found it immensely satisfying. everyones box was different. as different as each person and as different as their actual content. a reflection. better than a horoscope. more informing. by looking at my box i could tell you who i was at the time. there are always elements of yourself present. but i could tell you the variables too. who was influenceing me stylistically, what mood i was in. how much sleep i was getting. people pay hundreds of dollars for custom made portfolios in a attempt to set themselves apart from others. i could sell these to rich art students who don't know any other way to set themselves apart then by buying something. i could also sell these to people who have an idea but just aren't inclined to make one. i can do these things. i could make two exactly alike and they still wouldn't be the same. they are infinitely variable. i just need content. i need to build my inventory. i need space. i have that now. make it happen.
i guess these are the things i want to work on. i also want to improve my relationships with the people around me. i could be a better person. sometimes i feel like half a person. like people know me, but its only half of me. misunderstood.
i also need to work on my anger issues. i have so much anger. i don't know where it comes from. its just always there. it fuels me on days i would normally just lay down and cry.
i'm not an unhappy person. i just need a lot of help. i'm trying. i really want to make an effort. effort. why is that so hard. effort is my greatest enemy. it always has been. why try? without effort, i make things that most ordinary people seem to be happy with. i'm not. i know my potential.
i need help. for this i owe. i want to help. we will help eachother. i know our potential.
things ARE changing.
if someone could just write me a script that would refresh my mind every minute or so.
i feel lighter. i am aware of breathing.
i suffocate in stagnant air.
take a deep breath. make it happen.
i just wanted to say... i haven't given up yet.