Sep 03, 2006 22:14
went to see X Men 3 with my mom. I really liked it, though I felt it was rushed. More for show of the "original" fans of the series. But still nice. I wish they went more into character depth, but you can't expect much these days. Good thing I plan to make mini-movies and correct that problem. :3
Though I did get some answers, I am in this point where I am asking, "Ok I know who I am and what importance I had. But what about now? What am I to do now? What does the past matter so much now? Is it unumportant? If it really is, then why must I know all this? Who's REALLY going to listen and CARE about what I know and have to say?"
I guess it's kind of a Jesus complex, except he at least KNEW why he was here. I'm here, I have all this information, but I have no idea what the hell i am supposed to do with it. Who would even listen to what I have to say? I am not one of those diplomatic all-knowing charismatic people who speaks all intelectual. I am down-too-earth and in a way that's just homey and friend-to-friend talk. jeusus wasn't a huge diplomat with a degree from a fancy college, but he had charisma. He had lots of knowledge. He had power, too, phasycially power that people could see and touch.
Me? All I have is knowledge. And no super-power. I can't walk on water. I can't turn water into wine. I can't die and be brought back to life and heal all men of their sins blah blah blah. I can't enlighten anyone like Buddah. I just know some stuff. And I have a philosophy about life that works. I'm just a humble person who doesn't want power, doesn't want fame, and doesn't really like people. But I want to help them.
But I don't know how. Why me? And how the heck am I supposed to do whatever it is that i am being called to do? Who gives a rat's ass about my past, my story? No one. I'd probably be killed by an angery mob or thrown into an asylmn with padded walls. Or just be completely ignored like I am for the most part.
So tell me, oh universe, what am I supposed to do? What exactly and clearly IS my mission and how do you expect me to do it? You know, I have strong feelings of what my mission is, but goddamnedhell. You make it so hard, you don't show me how the heck I am supposed to do it. Open some door. Point some obvious finger. I know the universe doesn't work in that way... but it would greatly help.
[sighs] so yeah. my rant for tonight.