oh noes teh gay
Mario: *sitting on the couch, staring at a blank television set*
Kamesen: *sitting next to him*
Mario: ...**BEEEEEELCH**
Kamesen: Nice.
Samus: *walks in* Hey guys. What's with the t.v.?
Kamesen: We've decided not to turn it on.
Samus: *pops open a Capri Sun* Oh ja?
Mario: Ja. Trying to avoid all the controversial screeching.
Samus: Over what?
Kamesen: Obama voicing his support of gay marria-
Person: *runs in, screaming* AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Mario: *scrunches his eyes shut* Ooooh here we go.
Person: G-G-GAY MARRIAGE?! THEY CAN'T DO THAT.
Kamesen: *head creaks to the side, blandly regards Mario* My old friend... shall we?
Mario: *silently nods, eyes still closed, blindly reaches for beer*
Kamesen: *head creaks the other way, glances at person* ...
Person: ...
Kamesen: Enlighten me.
Person: Gay people can't get married.
Kamesen: Why.
Person: *breathes in and out real fast a few times, then whips out a printed list*
Kamesen: *digs around in his ear for a second, looks at something on his finger, then flicks it away disinterestedly*
Mario: *takes a swig of beer, some of it dribbling down his chin*
Person: Ok.. if gay people are allowed to get married, it will undermine the sanctity of marriage.
Kamesen: How.
Person: Because homosexuality is not holy.
Kamesen: And how's that.
Person: Doesn't fit into God's plan.
Kamesen: Ah yes, the ideal that any act outside of one that promotes penises going into vaginas and making babies- to include protected sex, anal sex, masturbation, and bestiality -is automatically unholy because it will not produce a child, and thus not aid in the continuation of the human race.
Person: Right. It's unnatural.
Kamesen: *just stares at the person quietly*
Mario: *clears throat, scratches moustache*
Kamesen: I've given this a lot of thought.
Person: ...So have I.
Kamesen: No, I mean a lot of thought. Including thought from multiple and unbiased perspectives. And I have come to the conclusion that homosexuality is integral to the survival of the human race.
Mario: *chokes on beer*
Samus: *chokes on Capri Sun*
Person: *just chokes* WHAT
Kamesen: Think about it. If all who are not straight were straight, and engaged in heterosexual intercourse, how would that affect the size of the world population?
Person: I don't see what that has to do with-
Kamesen: I'd be murdering you right now.
Person: ...
Mario: ...He is SERIOUS, man.
Kamesen: I'd be murdering you over the last drop of clean water, the last scrap of edible food, the last smudge of crude oil.
Person: What in the hell are you talking about?
Kamesen: Current world population is.. Samus?
Samus: *taps the side of her helmet, bringing up a HUD* 7,012,474,783.
Person: ...
Kamesen: Going nowhere but up. Fast. Faster than this planet will have the resources to support in time. I'd like to hear your solutions.
Person: Well.. the gay people don't have to go have children. But they can't have sex with each other either. That is sinful.
Kamesen: According to a vague scattering of biblical entries that I can count on one hand, only two of which can be found in the New Testament. For all we know, they were referring specifically to the monstrous citizens of Sodom and Gomorrah.
Person: -whom were smote for their homosexual relations!
Kamesen: *snorts* They were nuked from orbit because they spent every waking moment murdering each other and gang-raping anyone who walked into town. If God truly detested the mere act of anal sex itself, San Francisco would be a smoking crater right now.
Person: ...
Kamesen: No.. I get the feeling those bible verses were referring more to those men and women deliberately turning from one another, and from God, and devoting their lives solely to all manner of horrendous atrocities and sexual deviancy.
Person: That is exactly what homosexuality IS, though!
Kamesen: Oh-ho, we have an expert. Well it might surprise you to know that some gay couples are devout Christians too. And some gay couples don't even have sex.
Person: ..
Kamesen: And regarding the sanctity of marriage, gays aren't a threat to it.
Person: ...
Kamesen: Do you think that the necesity to bring new life into the world is the sole reason behind marriage? No. Love is the primary force behind the union of one person to another. You can't efficiently raise a child if that child is not loved, and if the people raising that child don't love one another.
Person: ..Next you're going to be saying that gay people should be allowed to adopt kids.
Kamesen: ...
Person: *sighs*
Kamesen: *smile* There are walking, talking, socially functional examples who prove that gay parents are perfectly capable of raising a normal, healthy child who contributes to society like the rest of us.
Person: But...the bible..
Kamesen: *smile fades* I know what the problem really is.. It's that you've seen the decline of religion in America. In the world.
Person: ..
Kamesen: Each day, less and less people attend church. More people shrug off the old teachings, either because the power has been abused by so many or simply because they don't believe anymore. In your fear, you see only the people who live for the day, for themselves, seeking immediate gratification rather than long-term communal peace and happiness. You're afraid that soon, there's going to be nothing left. That the world will fall to darkness without a guiding light. You're afraid, so you're desperately clinging to every shred of the old world.
Samus: ...
Kamesen: *side glance at her* ..Yeah I know, I know, I was afraid too. That's why I started thinking and researching in the first place about all this. I'm worried about the world too. But I can't allow my fears to prevent others from attaining peace in their lives.
Person: *head in hands* What are we going to do.. *looks up* What the hell are we going to do..
Kamesen: *stares, brow furrowed slightly* ..Keep calm and have faith.
Person: *just looks at him for a moment, then gets up and leaves*
Mario: Well, that was morbidly uplifting?
Kamesen: Alright alright, real quick, bring in the irrational paranoid zealots.
Person2: *runs in* GAY MARRIAGE WILL RUIN AMERICA
Kamesen: I seriously doubt it.
Person3: GAY MARRIAGE?! WHAT'S NEXT; PEOPLE MARRYING ANIMALS?! Or CHILDREN?!
Kamesen: No. Marriage, wether gay or straight, is between adult humans.
Person3: BUT-
Kamesen: NO. For fuck's sake, dogs and children didn't get to start voting after we allowed women and blacks the same priviledge. You're talking out your paranoid fuck-brained ASS.
Person4: GAY COUPLES WHO ADOPT KIDS WILL TURN THE KIDS GAY. IT'S THE GAY AGENDA.
Kamesen: Holy shit no. The only agenda that gays have is to be left the fuck alone by everyone. And a kid being raised by gay parents isn't going to magically turn the kid gay. Homosexuality isn't a disease that you catch or a lifestyle that you learn; it's a specific sequence of genes that we're born with or without.
Person4: SCIENCE IS THE DEVIL
Kamesen: Oh FUCK OFF.
Person5: GOD HATES FAGS
Kamesen: Eat me.
Person6: Yeah! Even if there were a God, it wouldn't care who people have sex with!
Kamesen: Are you really going to come in here and not believe in God while claiming to know what God does or does not care about.
Person6: *narrows eyes* ...I thought you were on our side.
Kamesen: I don't PICK sides. If I'd picked a side from day one, I wouldn't have gained the initiative to form such an unbiased opinion!
Person6: YOU'RE JUST AFRAID OF COMMITMENT.
Kamesen: THAT'S A STORY FOR ANOTHER TIME.
Person7: *runs in* HOMOSEXUALS ARE DISGUSTING, HOMOSEXUALITY IS DISGUSTING
Kamesen: YOU KNOW WHAT'S DISGUSTING?! WHEN YOU FUCKED YOUR NIECE BEHIND YOUR WIFE'S BACK LAST CHRISTMAS, YOU STONE-THROWING SON OF A-
Samus: WHOA, whoa whoa..
Kamesen: GRGHSGF- *looks at her*
Samus: Leeeet's wrap it up.
Kamesen: Right.
IN SHORT: What I have come to believe is that the scant few versus in the bible regarding homosexuality are referencing a broader spectrum of events involving the citizens of Sodom and Gomorrah, who engaged in devious and horrific sexual acts such as adultery and bestiality, IN ADDITION TO purposefully misusing homosexuality as a way of rebelling against the sexual norm, and against God- whom it was stated they hated. Not just 'didn't believe in', or even 'believed that he didn't exist'. No, they actively hated God.
So in other words, homosexuality itself isn't wrong. But being a murderous, deceitful, God-hating person who makes plans to gang-rape visitors to your city, and abuses homosexuality as a deliberate method of saying 'Fuck you' to God.. THAT'S wrong.
FOOTNOTE: Want to troll an (ignorant) religious person? Agree with them. "Yes, it is definitely a sin to choose to be a homosexual!"
GET IT?! BECAUSE HOMOSEXUALITY IS INHERENT. IT'S-.. YOU SEE? NO ONE CHOOSES TO BE GAY, SO.. AAHAHAHAH.
I'M GOING TO GO TO BED NOW.
Kamesen: *sitting next to him*
Mario: ...**BEEEEEELCH**
Kamesen: Nice.
Samus: *walks in* Hey guys. What's with the t.v.?
Kamesen: We've decided not to turn it on.
Samus: *pops open a Capri Sun* Oh ja?
Mario: Ja. Trying to avoid all the controversial screeching.
Samus: Over what?
Kamesen: Obama voicing his support of gay marria-
Person: *runs in, screaming* AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Mario: *scrunches his eyes shut* Ooooh here we go.
Person: G-G-GAY MARRIAGE?! THEY CAN'T DO THAT.
Kamesen: *head creaks to the side, blandly regards Mario* My old friend... shall we?
Mario: *silently nods, eyes still closed, blindly reaches for beer*
Kamesen: *head creaks the other way, glances at person* ...
Person: ...
Kamesen: Enlighten me.
Person: Gay people can't get married.
Kamesen: Why.
Person: *breathes in and out real fast a few times, then whips out a printed list*
Kamesen: *digs around in his ear for a second, looks at something on his finger, then flicks it away disinterestedly*
Mario: *takes a swig of beer, some of it dribbling down his chin*
Person: Ok.. if gay people are allowed to get married, it will undermine the sanctity of marriage.
Kamesen: How.
Person: Because homosexuality is not holy.
Kamesen: And how's that.
Person: Doesn't fit into God's plan.
Kamesen: Ah yes, the ideal that any act outside of one that promotes penises going into vaginas and making babies- to include protected sex, anal sex, masturbation, and bestiality -is automatically unholy because it will not produce a child, and thus not aid in the continuation of the human race.
Person: Right. It's unnatural.
Kamesen: *just stares at the person quietly*
Mario: *clears throat, scratches moustache*
Kamesen: I've given this a lot of thought.
Person: ...So have I.
Kamesen: No, I mean a lot of thought. Including thought from multiple and unbiased perspectives. And I have come to the conclusion that homosexuality is integral to the survival of the human race.
Mario: *chokes on beer*
Samus: *chokes on Capri Sun*
Person: *just chokes* WHAT
Kamesen: Think about it. If all who are not straight were straight, and engaged in heterosexual intercourse, how would that affect the size of the world population?
Person: I don't see what that has to do with-
Kamesen: I'd be murdering you right now.
Person: ...
Mario: ...He is SERIOUS, man.
Kamesen: I'd be murdering you over the last drop of clean water, the last scrap of edible food, the last smudge of crude oil.
Person: What in the hell are you talking about?
Kamesen: Current world population is.. Samus?
Samus: *taps the side of her helmet, bringing up a HUD* 7,012,474,783.
Person: ...
Kamesen: Going nowhere but up. Fast. Faster than this planet will have the resources to support in time. I'd like to hear your solutions.
Person: Well.. the gay people don't have to go have children. But they can't have sex with each other either. That is sinful.
Kamesen: According to a vague scattering of biblical entries that I can count on one hand, only two of which can be found in the New Testament. For all we know, they were referring specifically to the monstrous citizens of Sodom and Gomorrah.
Person: -whom were smote for their homosexual relations!
Kamesen: *snorts* They were nuked from orbit because they spent every waking moment murdering each other and gang-raping anyone who walked into town. If God truly detested the mere act of anal sex itself, San Francisco would be a smoking crater right now.
Person: ...
Kamesen: No.. I get the feeling those bible verses were referring more to those men and women deliberately turning from one another, and from God, and devoting their lives solely to all manner of horrendous atrocities and sexual deviancy.
Person: That is exactly what homosexuality IS, though!
Kamesen: Oh-ho, we have an expert. Well it might surprise you to know that some gay couples are devout Christians too. And some gay couples don't even have sex.
Person: ..
Kamesen: And regarding the sanctity of marriage, gays aren't a threat to it.
Person: ...
Kamesen: Do you think that the necesity to bring new life into the world is the sole reason behind marriage? No. Love is the primary force behind the union of one person to another. You can't efficiently raise a child if that child is not loved, and if the people raising that child don't love one another.
Person: ..Next you're going to be saying that gay people should be allowed to adopt kids.
Kamesen: ...
Person: *sighs*
Kamesen: *smile* There are walking, talking, socially functional examples who prove that gay parents are perfectly capable of raising a normal, healthy child who contributes to society like the rest of us.
Person: But...the bible..
Kamesen: *smile fades* I know what the problem really is.. It's that you've seen the decline of religion in America. In the world.
Person: ..
Kamesen: Each day, less and less people attend church. More people shrug off the old teachings, either because the power has been abused by so many or simply because they don't believe anymore. In your fear, you see only the people who live for the day, for themselves, seeking immediate gratification rather than long-term communal peace and happiness. You're afraid that soon, there's going to be nothing left. That the world will fall to darkness without a guiding light. You're afraid, so you're desperately clinging to every shred of the old world.
Samus: ...
Kamesen: *side glance at her* ..Yeah I know, I know, I was afraid too. That's why I started thinking and researching in the first place about all this. I'm worried about the world too. But I can't allow my fears to prevent others from attaining peace in their lives.
Person: *head in hands* What are we going to do.. *looks up* What the hell are we going to do..
Kamesen: *stares, brow furrowed slightly* ..Keep calm and have faith.
Person: *just looks at him for a moment, then gets up and leaves*
Mario: Well, that was morbidly uplifting?
Kamesen: Alright alright, real quick, bring in the irrational paranoid zealots.
Person2: *runs in* GAY MARRIAGE WILL RUIN AMERICA
Kamesen: I seriously doubt it.
Person3: GAY MARRIAGE?! WHAT'S NEXT; PEOPLE MARRYING ANIMALS?! Or CHILDREN?!
Kamesen: No. Marriage, wether gay or straight, is between adult humans.
Person3: BUT-
Kamesen: NO. For fuck's sake, dogs and children didn't get to start voting after we allowed women and blacks the same priviledge. You're talking out your paranoid fuck-brained ASS.
Person4: GAY COUPLES WHO ADOPT KIDS WILL TURN THE KIDS GAY. IT'S THE GAY AGENDA.
Kamesen: Holy shit no. The only agenda that gays have is to be left the fuck alone by everyone. And a kid being raised by gay parents isn't going to magically turn the kid gay. Homosexuality isn't a disease that you catch or a lifestyle that you learn; it's a specific sequence of genes that we're born with or without.
Person4: SCIENCE IS THE DEVIL
Kamesen: Oh FUCK OFF.
Person5: GOD HATES FAGS
Kamesen: Eat me.
Person6: Yeah! Even if there were a God, it wouldn't care who people have sex with!
Kamesen: Are you really going to come in here and not believe in God while claiming to know what God does or does not care about.
Person6: *narrows eyes* ...I thought you were on our side.
Kamesen: I don't PICK sides. If I'd picked a side from day one, I wouldn't have gained the initiative to form such an unbiased opinion!
Person6: YOU'RE JUST AFRAID OF COMMITMENT.
Kamesen: THAT'S A STORY FOR ANOTHER TIME.
Person7: *runs in* HOMOSEXUALS ARE DISGUSTING, HOMOSEXUALITY IS DISGUSTING
Kamesen: YOU KNOW WHAT'S DISGUSTING?! WHEN YOU FUCKED YOUR NIECE BEHIND YOUR WIFE'S BACK LAST CHRISTMAS, YOU STONE-THROWING SON OF A-
Samus: WHOA, whoa whoa..
Kamesen: GRGHSGF- *looks at her*
Samus: Leeeet's wrap it up.
Kamesen: Right.
IN SHORT: What I have come to believe is that the scant few versus in the bible regarding homosexuality are referencing a broader spectrum of events involving the citizens of Sodom and Gomorrah, who engaged in devious and horrific sexual acts such as adultery and bestiality, IN ADDITION TO purposefully misusing homosexuality as a way of rebelling against the sexual norm, and against God- whom it was stated they hated. Not just 'didn't believe in', or even 'believed that he didn't exist'. No, they actively hated God.
So in other words, homosexuality itself isn't wrong. But being a murderous, deceitful, God-hating person who makes plans to gang-rape visitors to your city, and abuses homosexuality as a deliberate method of saying 'Fuck you' to God.. THAT'S wrong.
FOOTNOTE: Want to troll an (ignorant) religious person? Agree with them. "Yes, it is definitely a sin to choose to be a homosexual!"
GET IT?! BECAUSE HOMOSEXUALITY IS INHERENT. IT'S-.. YOU SEE? NO ONE CHOOSES TO BE GAY, SO.. AAHAHAHAH.
I'M GOING TO GO TO BED NOW.