Fite redraws

[kamenkyote]

I've been redrawing the earliest Fite pages so that I can possibly use the comic as a portfolio piece. As it stands, the first few pages are just too rough in comparison to the rest. Wasn't going to post them but I had a request so I will.

Comments

[shatterstripes]

Lovely as always. Here is some unsolicited crit, take it or leave it. The revision is pretty strong but I think a few more changes could really punch it up. No pun intended.

The drawings are better now but I'm sad to see things like Lucco being punched so hard the color goes off-register get lost.

I like the strong repeated panel rhythm of the first three pages, I would consider BREAKING that for 3. Maybe one wide (full bleed?) panel across the bottom, with multiple overlaid images of Lucco tottering wooziy (the one you have plus a second, and the final one of him out on the canvas? Or maybe even a new drawing from the cool overhead view of the old version but pulled back.

The change from bright simple colors to purple is interesting, you could push it a lot further by desaturating those purple panels IMHO.

Also angled floating logo Lucco head is so much more iconic than straight on cropped bust Lucco, I would strongly suggesr just taking the old one and adding the new hair!

First drawing of the knight is really closed off and hard to read. It's a big presentation of this NEW CHARACTER but you don't let us actually see him! I would swap the shield to the other hand so you can have an awesome shot that shows him off in full and still gives you the compositional flow of that strong POINT!!!.

[kamenkyote]

Thanks for all this, Peggy! I really appreciate the thought and time you put into this. While redrawing, I've had to look closely at not just the pages I'm going over but the rest of the comic as well. Some things I really don't want to change as it would mean a total re-tool, and that's something I just can't do. One of these things is Guz's right handedness. I can totally see your point with his intro. As for the off register color, I didn't notice that til I was coloring the page and I agree that it's a detail that should remain. Easy enough to change (thank you Illustrator!). I'll play with the purples to see what you mean. I think if I gradually de-saturate them, it will lead better to the final panel.

I think, in the end, mostly for the sake of ease, I'm going to leave the logo as is. It's something I'd probably redraw totally but I don't want to get too involved, you know? Good point, though.

All of these are excellent points. I really appreciate the thought and time. Really. In the end, I'm likely to change as little as possible to retain as much of the original feel as possible. Looking through the book again, I was surprised at how well it generally held together. I think I considered Fite to be a lesser work, because it's older. Turns out it's not that bad. :"D

Thanks, Peggy!

[shatterstripes]

Yeah, I figured the right-handedness was probably the source of that awkward, closed pose. If keeping the handedness is important (sometimes it is, I mean, Mignola can't ever draw Hellboy with the Left Hand Of Doom for compositional reasons!) then maybe if he's pointing with the shield hand, with his right hovering over his sword?

(And from a combat perspective the hunched, closed stance is of course pretty sensible. But it just makes for such a weird, illegible silhouette for Guz's FIRST appearance...)

And you're welcome! It was something to do while woozily swimming towards consciousness this morning. n.n

[kamenkyote]

The right handedness is a problem mostly because he's right handed throughout the rest of the comic and I don't want to redraw every single Guz. :"D But the pose you mention is worth trying. There's no reason he can't point with his left, ready his sword hand at the same time. I'll give it a try later. Also, the off register, perhaps color-blocks only 'ghost' Lucco is a good idea. I'll try that later, too. Thanks! For now, it's off to work. :P

[kamenkyote]

Here's an alternate coloring for page 3, as you suggested. This what you meant?

[shatterstripes]

Yeah, that's working lot better. Maybe even go in and jank up Lucco's coloring on the next-to-last panel - off-register, an entirely different "stumbling woozily" pose, blocky rough shapes? I think it might prepare us symbolically for the whole "spirit travels elsewhere while comatose" story to have his tones coming loose from his lines.

[kamenkyote]

Heya, Peggy. Did another change based on your crit. Thanks again for the thoughtful words!

[shatterstripes]

Ooohhhh yyyeeeeah.

Finesse suggestions: either move Big Dramatic Pose Guz' balloon right a bit, lengthen its tail, or move him back to the left some (either break the panel border or crop him, I don't remember what kind of rules you set yourself for breaking borders). Also push the color of the inside of his shield away from the color of his arm so it POPS, I'd probably go for greying it out a little so it starts to vanish into the grey bg and we get a serious HEY YOU MR HALF NAKED MAN I AM POINTING ASSERTIVELY AT YOU vibe.

And any fiddling beyond that is probably reaching the point of diinishing returns. n.n

[kamenkyote]

Aside from lengthening his tail (not drawing him again) I will look into these things. I notice, with the palette change, there is a LOT of brown in the early pages of Fite. Gotta move some of it around. Thanks again!

[shatterstripes]

I would not suggest changing the drawing, it works damn well. n.n