(no subject)
so, i finally got to sleep at a decent hour, a lil after midnight. but due to calls late night, im up again. its past 1:30, im not about to get out of bed...
so last night, i planned to go to olivas' apartment with the guys. but other obligations delayed me. i still planned on going, just a lil late. anyways, i drove with eric to rowland heights b/c he needed to do some finishing touches to his resume with tito lito. so i was there from 8:30 to 11.
i planned on driving down still but instead, i kinda had a chat with my bro. about his personal situation, stuff and all that. i wont get into that, but hey...what comes first...friends or family. family of course. i felt kinda awkward b/c me and bro dont talk about stuff like this...we always tend to know whats going on by mood and through mutual friends..but never directly. its nice to know he confides in me.
anyways...and maybe my awkward insomnia has made me uneasy...
lately, i've been hearing things. i've tried to not let things bother me this summer and actually tried to mend things with friends by keeping busy and releasing frustrations by other means(ex:vball/bball/poker).
1st, some people say i've drifted...okay, i am deeply sorry for that.
but, for the most part of summer, i've done things basically ON MY OWN. i personally needed my own time to myself. away from everything and people that even remotely reminded me or knew of drama, situations, and all that.
5 days a week, i've dedicated my time to either work, helping/playing volleyball, and practicing with my bball team.
i paid 100 dollars to registration/ref fees and jerseys for this summer's league alone. when you've been working at a job for close to a year now and still making only min wage, all that hard earned money makes a big deal. especially when asking money from parents is out of the question b/c of other situations. and when you've spent that much of your own money, you're going to do as much as possible to make it worth your while. correct? so i spent most of my summer trying to improve myself. b/c being 12th man(which i honestly am), playtime is limited and i want more. sorry if i didnt give some people extra attention.
2nd, with keeping myself busy for most of the week...this only left me with 2 days/nights to do whatever...hang out with bro, people, groups, friends...i tried to split my time. sorry if i neglected some people more than others.
3rd, this summer i've tried to mend things with friends. i thought i did with some. and i know and some close friends told me this...
the one i should have concentrated on, i fixed the least. out of all this, i wanted to fix this out all the things that went awry, especially when you look back at a lifetime of memories behind you and lifetime of memories ahead of you b/c you know you will forever be connected somehow. but when you look at that...how does one person or the other confront each other. its harder than it seems. especially when you've had a really great friendship going and then see it come to a halt for a moment. its a difficult situation.
4th, i heard about an entry that eventually got deleted but before it did, some comments were made. i dont care what it contained or what people said/thinking. if they want to think that, fine. let them. i got my own life to lead. i dont need more shit to add to my already "eventful" years.
5th, i hear that some people want to talk. about what? i honestly have no clue. shit, did i do something wrong? tell me. but there is a proper place, people, and time. but if you dont tell me, i dont know whats up and i will continue my life as is. tell me whats wrong and i'll try to adapt to more of your liking.
everyone has there own life to lead. it may lead you off course sometimes. people will try to help you or deceive you. but in the end, only you can make the choices that will eventually make you who you are to become.
im still trying to find who i want to become.
and all i know is...im tired of drama. and im trying to avoid it as much as i can.
so last night, i planned to go to olivas' apartment with the guys. but other obligations delayed me. i still planned on going, just a lil late. anyways, i drove with eric to rowland heights b/c he needed to do some finishing touches to his resume with tito lito. so i was there from 8:30 to 11.
i planned on driving down still but instead, i kinda had a chat with my bro. about his personal situation, stuff and all that. i wont get into that, but hey...what comes first...friends or family. family of course. i felt kinda awkward b/c me and bro dont talk about stuff like this...we always tend to know whats going on by mood and through mutual friends..but never directly. its nice to know he confides in me.
anyways...and maybe my awkward insomnia has made me uneasy...
lately, i've been hearing things. i've tried to not let things bother me this summer and actually tried to mend things with friends by keeping busy and releasing frustrations by other means(ex:vball/bball/poker).
1st, some people say i've drifted...okay, i am deeply sorry for that.
but, for the most part of summer, i've done things basically ON MY OWN. i personally needed my own time to myself. away from everything and people that even remotely reminded me or knew of drama, situations, and all that.
5 days a week, i've dedicated my time to either work, helping/playing volleyball, and practicing with my bball team.
i paid 100 dollars to registration/ref fees and jerseys for this summer's league alone. when you've been working at a job for close to a year now and still making only min wage, all that hard earned money makes a big deal. especially when asking money from parents is out of the question b/c of other situations. and when you've spent that much of your own money, you're going to do as much as possible to make it worth your while. correct? so i spent most of my summer trying to improve myself. b/c being 12th man(which i honestly am), playtime is limited and i want more. sorry if i didnt give some people extra attention.
2nd, with keeping myself busy for most of the week...this only left me with 2 days/nights to do whatever...hang out with bro, people, groups, friends...i tried to split my time. sorry if i neglected some people more than others.
3rd, this summer i've tried to mend things with friends. i thought i did with some. and i know and some close friends told me this...
the one i should have concentrated on, i fixed the least. out of all this, i wanted to fix this out all the things that went awry, especially when you look back at a lifetime of memories behind you and lifetime of memories ahead of you b/c you know you will forever be connected somehow. but when you look at that...how does one person or the other confront each other. its harder than it seems. especially when you've had a really great friendship going and then see it come to a halt for a moment. its a difficult situation.
4th, i heard about an entry that eventually got deleted but before it did, some comments were made. i dont care what it contained or what people said/thinking. if they want to think that, fine. let them. i got my own life to lead. i dont need more shit to add to my already "eventful" years.
5th, i hear that some people want to talk. about what? i honestly have no clue. shit, did i do something wrong? tell me. but there is a proper place, people, and time. but if you dont tell me, i dont know whats up and i will continue my life as is. tell me whats wrong and i'll try to adapt to more of your liking.
everyone has there own life to lead. it may lead you off course sometimes. people will try to help you or deceive you. but in the end, only you can make the choices that will eventually make you who you are to become.
im still trying to find who i want to become.
and all i know is...im tired of drama. and im trying to avoid it as much as i can.