(no subject)
Today is just not a good day, cant find anything uplifting about it. Its getting harder and harder to face the day when I know that July 22nd looms over my head.
Its hard to try and plan anything long term cause you dont know if you are gonna be the, I cant make commitments that I know I cant keep.
I cant move on... I love her too much.
I had been lying to myself, saying that I was all right. And for a while I actually believed it. I went out and I met people, none of them as full of life and her. Everyone I've met just seems shallow compared to her. I know that noone wants to hear this. Kelley says I have issues letting go. But when you love someone that much and have swooned and pined for her as much as I have in this last month, things are just fucking difficult.
Its taken a lot out of me. And I dont know how I am going to fill myself back up.
I don't think that she wants to see me. I've wanted to just drive to the seacoast and visit every cumberland farms store in the area just to find the one that she works at, and just say "Hi, how are you?"
I dont wan't her to forget me. Because right now, that is the one thing, I fear the most. More than Jail, more than a life of condemnation, I just dont want her to disappear from my life.
I know that this all sound so stupid to anyone reading this journal, but this is really how I feel.
Amanda told me to life my life for me and to go and get what I want, not what I want for her. Well fine then.
Amanda, you are what I want. You are what I love. You are the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with.
Its hard to try and plan anything long term cause you dont know if you are gonna be the, I cant make commitments that I know I cant keep.
I cant move on... I love her too much.
I had been lying to myself, saying that I was all right. And for a while I actually believed it. I went out and I met people, none of them as full of life and her. Everyone I've met just seems shallow compared to her. I know that noone wants to hear this. Kelley says I have issues letting go. But when you love someone that much and have swooned and pined for her as much as I have in this last month, things are just fucking difficult.
Its taken a lot out of me. And I dont know how I am going to fill myself back up.
I don't think that she wants to see me. I've wanted to just drive to the seacoast and visit every cumberland farms store in the area just to find the one that she works at, and just say "Hi, how are you?"
I dont wan't her to forget me. Because right now, that is the one thing, I fear the most. More than Jail, more than a life of condemnation, I just dont want her to disappear from my life.
I know that this all sound so stupid to anyone reading this journal, but this is really how I feel.
Amanda told me to life my life for me and to go and get what I want, not what I want for her. Well fine then.
Amanda, you are what I want. You are what I love. You are the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with.