Important topic: Friends.
What are 'friends' to you people?
Have you ever ask yourself this question? And what kind of answer did you get?
I have been getting disappointed with myself, with different groups of friends over these years. I even thought that there must be something wrong with me somewhere to make these friends behaved like this. I duno and cant say for sure whether they are in the fault or I'm the one in the fault. But one fact is that, of course, we do know people do change and they keep changing over time. But I just dun get, even if we did change, how did the special connection between us very close friends, change? Even if we were like 16 or 17, during our teenage years?
I know as time goes by, we will meet different people and make different groups of friends. But... there shouldnt be anything big that changes right? These friends, their attitude became different, their tone are different as well, like entertaining me, talking to me, accompanying me, helping me, have all became an ugly obligatory. Maybe I'm the only one changing so thats why things turned out to be different in my view? Am I the insane one here?
I have talked to Rei, I have talked to TJ. And I do think TJ has a point.
Just like what TJ has said, for instance, we treated these friends as our really best and close friends, whatever happened, they're the first ones to be informed and they would be the ones I wanna tell things too, to confide to, but it seemed a different case to them. To them, we may not be the right friends for them. Not the closest ones, not the best ones. We are being slightly awkward among each other, and I think close friends shouldnt feel that way.
So now, as it finally dawned upon me that we are no longer having and sharing this kind of close relationship, I find it kinda hard to accept. And TJ suggested me to find a new crowd, but its not easy and it wont be right. Maybe I just need to learn things through the hard way, then I will really learn something.
Then I asked Rei, was it partly because of money and that I'm not as outgoing as their other groups of friends? She told me her definition of 'real friends'.
Because you see, I am indeed different from how friends see me. Heck, I dun even know how they see me but whatever it is, I'm just gonna say this now. Whatever I have earned, almost all of it goes to my mum. I needed to help her to settle tons of bills and all. You think I'm really that generous? You think I wouldnt want to keep the money for my own usage? True, sometimes I will keep some for my own entertainment usage but I surely dun wan to spend extras on unwanted things and unneeded activities and all. So maybe thats why friends started to go out themselves without asking me along. And I seriously felt hurt.
Rei told me 'real friends' wouldnt care about such things, wouldnt ignore me because of this kind of situation and that they will even adjust to my situation to stand with me. True.
When I didnt say anything about your bad attitude, your bad tone etc, it doesn’t mean I dun mind it.
When I did not cry over these spilled milk, it doesn’t mean that I’m not upset.
When I’m not telling you anything, it doesn’t necessary mean that I dun want to, but its more like, there's actually nothing much for you people to worry about.
When you think that my smile is genuine, look carefully and you will find your answer.
In all, probably, I’m just not the friend you all are seeking for.