I'm back. I think!
I haven't written in my journal in forever.
My last (attempted) post was on January 5th, still a private entry, where I tried to document the loss of Kevin and our long, detailed friendship history. A few paragraphs in and I gave up, overcome with the task and with sadness.
Now I'm back, hopefully for good. I left Live Journal months ago for a couple of reasons--one, I just got too busy to post. Life became insane for awhile and I just stopped finding the time. And of course, once you fall into a habit it's hard to break.
The other reason is that everyone pretty much moved to Facebook, and if I wanted the social interaction that I used to find here, I had it over on Facebook. Plus it was a lot easier to keep up--a couple of quick sentences was all I needed to read or post, and it was good. But I've always been sporadic with Facebook too. I still don't look at it every day.
About an hour ago a light bulb went off in my head as far as why I always liked Live Journal. I was putting away all the Monster High character diaries that Killian had me read to her last night and suddenly remembered that LJ is a diary. It's for me to record my life, my history, so that I can go back and read it someday (and yes, I back it up, or WAS backing it up, for awhile). Someday when I'm like, 70, I'll want to go back through here and read. So I'm starting up again. Whether people are here or not is irrelevant. If I want to socialize, I can go visit that other place.
So where did I leave off? I don't even remember. So much has happened over the last several months. The most notable incident was the passing of Kevin. Kevin, one of my two best friends in this world, shrugged off this mortal coil on January 2nd of this year. It's been difficult. I miss him so much. I feel a lot of things regarding his passing, including guilt and regret that I was too busy for him. He reached out to me a lot in his last few months, and I just wasn't listening. While we had our usual conversations and laughter, I wasn't HEARING that he needed someone. And in typical male fashion, he didn't tell me either. Even driving him to the hospital one day, it should have occurred to me that he needed more than just a ride. I knew it in the back of my head that he was in need, but I kept telling myself that in March when I'm done with work, I'll start spending more time with him. In March. Except that he died in January, and I was too late.
We met in high school. We became incredible friends on a day in May 1990, which I may recount someday. Over 20 years of unforgettable friendship. He was like a brother to me. I hear his voice in my head, I feel his squeezes, and I know his words of reassurance. One thing I know is that I don't fear my own death. After Dad, and now Kevin, amazing people who have gone there, it can't be a bad place.
The other notable thing that happened this year was losing my job. Biogen Idec did a massive restructuring of the organization and laid off close to 700 people. Our beautiful building was sold and now the company is exclusively on the east coast. I logged 14 years with the company until my last day on March 31st. I miss my job. It was always a good time, and I never had a bad day at work.
I've adjusted well to unemployment. I'm now in school full time until September, and it's nice. Stressful, but nice. I'll start looking for employment in the fall. We've casually discussed moving out of San Diego. Chris really dislikes it here, always has, and has always wanted to move. Depending on employment opportunities for me, we may consider leaving. That remains to be seen.
Everything else is pretty much the same. Chris is working for a new company but hates it so he's looking for something else. The kids are doing fine--Kieran's last day of Kindergarten is next week--already! And Killian is still bored in preschool. Poor girl has another year left, and she's so ready to to go to Kindergarten like her brother.
And that's about it. Months of updates in just a few minutes. It wasn't that hard. Hopefully I'll be back for more.
My last (attempted) post was on January 5th, still a private entry, where I tried to document the loss of Kevin and our long, detailed friendship history. A few paragraphs in and I gave up, overcome with the task and with sadness.
Now I'm back, hopefully for good. I left Live Journal months ago for a couple of reasons--one, I just got too busy to post. Life became insane for awhile and I just stopped finding the time. And of course, once you fall into a habit it's hard to break.
The other reason is that everyone pretty much moved to Facebook, and if I wanted the social interaction that I used to find here, I had it over on Facebook. Plus it was a lot easier to keep up--a couple of quick sentences was all I needed to read or post, and it was good. But I've always been sporadic with Facebook too. I still don't look at it every day.
About an hour ago a light bulb went off in my head as far as why I always liked Live Journal. I was putting away all the Monster High character diaries that Killian had me read to her last night and suddenly remembered that LJ is a diary. It's for me to record my life, my history, so that I can go back and read it someday (and yes, I back it up, or WAS backing it up, for awhile). Someday when I'm like, 70, I'll want to go back through here and read. So I'm starting up again. Whether people are here or not is irrelevant. If I want to socialize, I can go visit that other place.
So where did I leave off? I don't even remember. So much has happened over the last several months. The most notable incident was the passing of Kevin. Kevin, one of my two best friends in this world, shrugged off this mortal coil on January 2nd of this year. It's been difficult. I miss him so much. I feel a lot of things regarding his passing, including guilt and regret that I was too busy for him. He reached out to me a lot in his last few months, and I just wasn't listening. While we had our usual conversations and laughter, I wasn't HEARING that he needed someone. And in typical male fashion, he didn't tell me either. Even driving him to the hospital one day, it should have occurred to me that he needed more than just a ride. I knew it in the back of my head that he was in need, but I kept telling myself that in March when I'm done with work, I'll start spending more time with him. In March. Except that he died in January, and I was too late.
We met in high school. We became incredible friends on a day in May 1990, which I may recount someday. Over 20 years of unforgettable friendship. He was like a brother to me. I hear his voice in my head, I feel his squeezes, and I know his words of reassurance. One thing I know is that I don't fear my own death. After Dad, and now Kevin, amazing people who have gone there, it can't be a bad place.
The other notable thing that happened this year was losing my job. Biogen Idec did a massive restructuring of the organization and laid off close to 700 people. Our beautiful building was sold and now the company is exclusively on the east coast. I logged 14 years with the company until my last day on March 31st. I miss my job. It was always a good time, and I never had a bad day at work.
I've adjusted well to unemployment. I'm now in school full time until September, and it's nice. Stressful, but nice. I'll start looking for employment in the fall. We've casually discussed moving out of San Diego. Chris really dislikes it here, always has, and has always wanted to move. Depending on employment opportunities for me, we may consider leaving. That remains to be seen.
Everything else is pretty much the same. Chris is working for a new company but hates it so he's looking for something else. The kids are doing fine--Kieran's last day of Kindergarten is next week--already! And Killian is still bored in preschool. Poor girl has another year left, and she's so ready to to go to Kindergarten like her brother.
And that's about it. Months of updates in just a few minutes. It wasn't that hard. Hopefully I'll be back for more.