an update? from me?

[kamashimi]

Today I felt the earth move,
Today I watched the sky fall,
Today I smelled the flesh burning,
Today I saw it end.

Yesterday I laughed,
Yesterday we were together,
Yesterday the sun rose high,
Yesterday was a dream.

Tomorrow you will return to me,
Tomorrow we will be together again,
Tomorrow I will kill myself,
Tomorrow never even came.

~

I am so tired of everything.
All the same all the time.
Wish I had a pill for this.
Wish I had the will to stand.
Never saw it coming, your fist against my face.
But always felt I deserved it,
Even when you left me there,
Lying on the carpet naked.
I faded into it like a stain and lost myself that day.
I lost you that day.
Never thought about it before you know.
Never thought about the sound of laughter,
The warmth of love,
The thought of something better.
Just your fist teaching me the things I needed to know.
But I will end it just the same as it began,
With a gun to a temple and a thought of something better,
Than you or I,
And your fist.

~

Do you know where this road will lead?
I'm sure it ends suddenly,
yet where it ends, I can not see.

Maybe someday I will reach that place
where flowers sprout wilted and brown
and butterfly carcasses litter the ground.

Until then I am here...