Here it goes...
Not many really even know this about me but I'm tired but can't sleep so I am just going to star typing too see what my brain bleeds out so here it goes. I have had social anxiety pretty much my whole life, lately I have had ongoing anxiety and a few days ago (luckily I was alone) I had an anxiety attack..I guess..a panic attack? and I don't know, and I don;t know why Frankly I am sick of being the "shy guy" or "the quite, reserved guy" and feeling like I'm not good enough. My new job has me kinda stressed as well, it's a serious pain to get there on the bus and I have to be there at 8AM and leave way earlier to be there on time. One thing about my social anxiety is "new people" boost my anxiety, people I don't know very well..it makes it hard to interact correctly at work and to Bree's new friends and anyone really..that I don't talk to often or know well. I was talking about my anxiety to Bree she recommended me to maybe see a therapist..I already thought about it a little, the thing that bothers me is it might help. I constantly edit the thoughts of what I "could" say in a conversation to the point where I exclude myself and eventually observe as others talk and have the conversation as if I was involved.. in my head. In retrospect it comes down to me being tired of being afraid, being afraid to speak, being afraid to make a decision, just being afraid.