(no subject)
Hwuh....
Well, that was brutal.
Ever have one of those nightmares where it's the last day of school and you're about to graduate but you suddenly discover you've failed because there was a class you didn't attend all quarter?
Well, that did NOT happen.
I did forget to turn in an integral part of my final assignment for my lit course. By the rubric, I should have gotten a D. By my professor's mercy, I got a B minus.when I went to her to ask if I could take an Incomplete and make up the work, she had already raised my grade. Her reasoning was that my work in the classroom, plus what I had turned in as far as homework and researched assignments, earned me a B in the course.
I busted my ass for that B. If I had remembered the piece I forgot, I would have busted my ass at that as well.
My literature courses are easily the hardest classes I've ever had, for the sheer volume of work and analysis involved.
I have to pull some serious hocus-pocus out of midair in order to even BEGIN to understand what my instructors want from me in terms of literary work. That shit is HARD.
And it drives me crazy.
This next quarter, I have a film studies class, which is also literature (it just requires a different sort of literacy) and it will likely cost me my job. I've dicovered that my schoolwork is retardedly important to me, and that I'm leaning toward quitting in order to be a better student rather than holding onto the job I have had and loved for the last two years.
What the fuck is going through my head?! I can't seriously be considering giving up a source of revenue and happiness in favor of UNIVERSITY!
HAVE I COMPLETELY LOST MY MIND?!
The thing is, I want to graduate within the year. Even if I don't, the debacle over my final assignment woke my ass up. A LOT. I have to be able to dedicate to this shit a hundred percent or I'm not going to make it through the end.
I'm debating whether or not I should even talk to the professor about arranging something as I'm afraid to miss important information that might be conveyed in my absence--for me, that kind of shit is what makes or breaks my grade.
I've asked several people, and they all tell me to try and compromise, but when it comes down to it, if I'm still between that rock and a hard place, do I choose to move forward with my studies and suffer the loss of my favorite job, or do I stay in a place I like, where I will learn but never advance?
I've kept people from dropping out of school. I've helped people become citizens of the United States by helping them learn enough English to take the test (which is ONLY in English, for all you teabaggers NOT reading this journal--get off yer high horse.) and I've showed people how to think critically about their work and beat the system they are up against.
When I was younger, people like that used to save my life on a regular basis. I try not to think about whether or not I've ever saved someone's life at work. I've done it other places, but at those tables, the thought is uncomfortable.
I had a conversation with a friend when I was writing my essay for Western Admissions, and he stated flat out that he remembered me saying I wanted to be a teacher to repay the debt I owed to the ones who had saved my life. "You know the only reason you're doing this is to save lives. Everything else you give as a reason is just bullshit that you tell yourself and others to keep from sounding like you have an ego."
God damn that clever bastard.
Now, though, I add that I like to help people learn to think for themselves.
Now, how in the hell would I have learned to do that without having worked in that writing center? None of this gently forcing students into the mold I think they should fit into. The best high school teachers still do that. We don't.
...
My lit professor told me she admired the way I percieved and dealt with the world, and that she thought it was an indicator I would do some interesting things.
My ultimate goal with any student is to get them to shift their perspective a little, and to build on the perceptions they already have to observe things in a way that will be unique and integral to their own being.
This sounds like bullshit, but it means everyone should think differently, and think for themselves, and be able to share their thoughts with others in an eloquent manner.
It improves the world when people can examine a problem from different angles.
It also teaches a person their worth when they discover their unique thoughts are valued by others.
My part in this is that I have to now decide which action will best serve this goal.
Do I continue the work I do, or do I go out and build my own perceptions for a while?
I know the answer--I just don't want to say it, because it's not the easy one.
The quest calls.
Do I answer?
Well, that was brutal.
Ever have one of those nightmares where it's the last day of school and you're about to graduate but you suddenly discover you've failed because there was a class you didn't attend all quarter?
Well, that did NOT happen.
I did forget to turn in an integral part of my final assignment for my lit course. By the rubric, I should have gotten a D. By my professor's mercy, I got a B minus.when I went to her to ask if I could take an Incomplete and make up the work, she had already raised my grade. Her reasoning was that my work in the classroom, plus what I had turned in as far as homework and researched assignments, earned me a B in the course.
I busted my ass for that B. If I had remembered the piece I forgot, I would have busted my ass at that as well.
My literature courses are easily the hardest classes I've ever had, for the sheer volume of work and analysis involved.
I have to pull some serious hocus-pocus out of midair in order to even BEGIN to understand what my instructors want from me in terms of literary work. That shit is HARD.
And it drives me crazy.
This next quarter, I have a film studies class, which is also literature (it just requires a different sort of literacy) and it will likely cost me my job. I've dicovered that my schoolwork is retardedly important to me, and that I'm leaning toward quitting in order to be a better student rather than holding onto the job I have had and loved for the last two years.
What the fuck is going through my head?! I can't seriously be considering giving up a source of revenue and happiness in favor of UNIVERSITY!
HAVE I COMPLETELY LOST MY MIND?!
The thing is, I want to graduate within the year. Even if I don't, the debacle over my final assignment woke my ass up. A LOT. I have to be able to dedicate to this shit a hundred percent or I'm not going to make it through the end.
I'm debating whether or not I should even talk to the professor about arranging something as I'm afraid to miss important information that might be conveyed in my absence--for me, that kind of shit is what makes or breaks my grade.
I've asked several people, and they all tell me to try and compromise, but when it comes down to it, if I'm still between that rock and a hard place, do I choose to move forward with my studies and suffer the loss of my favorite job, or do I stay in a place I like, where I will learn but never advance?
I've kept people from dropping out of school. I've helped people become citizens of the United States by helping them learn enough English to take the test (which is ONLY in English, for all you teabaggers NOT reading this journal--get off yer high horse.) and I've showed people how to think critically about their work and beat the system they are up against.
When I was younger, people like that used to save my life on a regular basis. I try not to think about whether or not I've ever saved someone's life at work. I've done it other places, but at those tables, the thought is uncomfortable.
I had a conversation with a friend when I was writing my essay for Western Admissions, and he stated flat out that he remembered me saying I wanted to be a teacher to repay the debt I owed to the ones who had saved my life. "You know the only reason you're doing this is to save lives. Everything else you give as a reason is just bullshit that you tell yourself and others to keep from sounding like you have an ego."
God damn that clever bastard.
Now, though, I add that I like to help people learn to think for themselves.
Now, how in the hell would I have learned to do that without having worked in that writing center? None of this gently forcing students into the mold I think they should fit into. The best high school teachers still do that. We don't.
...
My lit professor told me she admired the way I percieved and dealt with the world, and that she thought it was an indicator I would do some interesting things.
My ultimate goal with any student is to get them to shift their perspective a little, and to build on the perceptions they already have to observe things in a way that will be unique and integral to their own being.
This sounds like bullshit, but it means everyone should think differently, and think for themselves, and be able to share their thoughts with others in an eloquent manner.
It improves the world when people can examine a problem from different angles.
It also teaches a person their worth when they discover their unique thoughts are valued by others.
My part in this is that I have to now decide which action will best serve this goal.
Do I continue the work I do, or do I go out and build my own perceptions for a while?
I know the answer--I just don't want to say it, because it's not the easy one.
The quest calls.
Do I answer?