Depression
So here's the deal. Everything was fine and dandy the first three - four weeks here. Now, everything is changing. It seems as though my "friends" are using me. :( Never around when I want to do something or to just hang out, however, are always around when they want to go somewhere. (aka my car goes vroom) Everytime Haruka would leave, she would let me know where she was going so I could come too if I wanted. But now, she just leaves and thats that. * And I don't mean to make it sound as though we are married, but...* She will be gone for hours without anyone knowing where she went. It makes me depressed that she wants nothing to do with me. When I want to go to dinner, she doesn't, fine and all, but I WILL NOT go alone. But she will be hungry like half an hour after I come back. (after the dining hall is closed) It doesn't sound like this is all "accidental" but on purpose.
Am I really that clingy? Do I need to change who I am? Or should I be even more reclusive then I already am? Should I remove myself completely from the circle of friends that I have made here? Jesus. I wish I could just fit in somewhere.
I try to make plans with Amanda, so as not to feel like such an outcast sometimes and she already has plans, or can't do it that day, or Nicki is her ride and can't control where she is going to end up. But she always tells me to give her a call and we'll do things. But, *sigh* thats never the case.
These are supposed to be the best days of my life, yet, I think I might be feeling my worst right now. Was I an untouchable in a former life? Sitting on top of the train, instead of inside?
okay, so it's obvious now. I DO have to change. But, how and to what? Who am I and why doesn't anyone like me for me? I'm confused, and maybe a little scared.
Am I really that clingy? Do I need to change who I am? Or should I be even more reclusive then I already am? Should I remove myself completely from the circle of friends that I have made here? Jesus. I wish I could just fit in somewhere.
I try to make plans with Amanda, so as not to feel like such an outcast sometimes and she already has plans, or can't do it that day, or Nicki is her ride and can't control where she is going to end up. But she always tells me to give her a call and we'll do things. But, *sigh* thats never the case.
These are supposed to be the best days of my life, yet, I think I might be feeling my worst right now. Was I an untouchable in a former life? Sitting on top of the train, instead of inside?
okay, so it's obvious now. I DO have to change. But, how and to what? Who am I and why doesn't anyone like me for me? I'm confused, and maybe a little scared.