sometimes in our lives....

[kama_mama]

Well i move back home, and things are starting to get better, but there is still something missing in my life. I just really wish I knew what it was. I thought if I would come home that everything would instantly become ok again, but I now realize that my life is not supposed to be ok right now. I am supposed to feel lonely, and unhappy. I just wish this wasn't how it is supposed to be like this. I wish I had someone to hold and cuddle with...that truly cares about me and isn't just trying to get laid. Fuck the "male mentality"... has fucked my life up. Why do I want more then what is resonable for me right now? I know it is not good to place your happiness in men, but unfortunately that is what I have done. For some reason I feel like that i am not going to be happy until I am with someone, and no I would not just go out with anyone. Settleing is something I would never do. But I will be damned if I can find someone that will reach my standards. I just feel like I have not only failed at the school thing, the relationship thing... but I am afraid that I have failed at the life thing as well.

I am going to leave this rather depressing journal entry with an uplifting love poem...

Wishes
By Judith Wright

What would I wish to be?
I wish to be wise.
From Swamps of fear and greed
free me let me rise.
There was a poet once
Spoke clear as a well-cast bell.
Rumi was his name; his voice
rings perfect and still.
O culd I make one verse
but half so well!

What do I wish?
I wish to love:
that verb at whose source all verbs
take fire and learn to move.
Yes, could I rightly love,
all action, all event,
would from my nature spring true as cration meant.
Love takes no pains with words
but is most eloquent.

To love, and to be wise?
Down, fool, and lower your eyes.