Stomach Flu: a Play in Five Acts

[kalquessa]

- Monday -

STOMACH: How would you like to stay up all night praising the porcelain goddess?

ME: Um...is there an Option B?

STOMACH: Nope.

ME: Well, then.

- Tuesday -

ME: I hate you so much.

STOMACH: Shut up. Call in sick and go back to sleep.

ME: Okay.

- Wednesday -

ME: Hey, I feel better!

STOMACH: Good for you.

ME: I worked all day and I still don't feel awful! I feel so much better, in fact, that I'm going to make dinner and eat it!

STOMACH: You do that.

ME: *does so*

STOMACH: By the way, you know I'm not up to handling anything more complex than soup and crackers, right?

ME: But...I just ate potatoes and sausages and salad.

STOMACH: Yup! Guess how you'll be spending tonight.

ME: ...sleeping?

STOMACH: No such luck.

- Thursday -

ME: Ugh. I can still make it to work, though.

STOMACH: Suuure you can.

ME: No really, I can.

STOMACH: Quit lying to yourself.

ME: *collapses back in bed*

STOMACH: On the bright side, you still have plenty of saltines for lunch!

- Friday -

ME: We are going to work today.

STOMACH: If you say so, but I think I gave whatever I had to the Brain.

BRAIN: Bleurgh?

ME: The brain will be fine, it just needs coffee.

STOMACH: You know, of course, what I'll do if you put that much acid in me this morning, right?

BRAIN: Bbblblblblll.

ME: Wow, today is going to be awesome.