Truth be told...

[kalomari]

I don't really know what to say for once I am speechless, I have no words. I have been working my butt off at church and at school this week was the church conferance from Wed-Sun so it's still going on and I have been on a camera helping out at almost every service. Don't get me wrong I enjoy it I mean church is like home to me now Christian and Pastor Sergio are family to me, but as they say things never go perfectly and well it's true I have been happy since the first day I walked into Cornerstone church, happier than I have been in a long time. Friday night Tim Storey spoke and I invited Clairissa's dad well he called me mid-afternoon and told me that he wasn't goign to be able to make it and then guess what he said "But I would like to have you over sometime next week." So he wants me to come over to his house, does this mean I finally get to see Clairissa, could all of this finally be over my long struggle with everything just so I can be able to hold her in my arms again? Yeah I doubt it I think he has invited me over to tell me that they now have a date on when they're moving, Oh joy to watch the person you care about most in the world next to your own mother or even God just slip away. And not quickly either, very slowly long slow and agonizing torture, the pain just when I thought everything might finally be alright, I'm tired guys like really tired so tired I could just crawl into a corner and cry. I have tried so damn hard to just be everything that everyone wants me to be and at the same time be myself, have I been trying to impress people, maybe but what else do I have to do to be happy? I mean God only knows how hard I try, I have also been filming my movie for two weeks now it's all good so far and now I have a DVD burner too. Anyways back to the point it has been a long journey for me and along the way I have learned new things, made mistakes, fixed things, become a better person but has any of this really come to matter? I don't know anymore, you all know I'm very emotional well it's true and I am a writer, it's what I do, it's what I enjoy, but suddenly none of this matters anymore. I look at the world and what is it, it's falling apart people are bad it comes to us naturally now I don't know why maybe one day I will, but I'm not like them I swear I have problems yes, I have a temper and get mad sometimes true but it's not the same. I'm not trying to say that everyone on the face of the planet is bad and that I'm perfect beacause thats not true it's just I don't know I can't try to be perfect I really can't. If he takes her away from me permanently I don't think there's going to be any of me left, I know it sounds stupid but a part of me would go with her and I think you all know that. Though there's really nothing I can do is there he has invited me over and I'm over reacting maybe it could all end when I go over there, maybe I will get to see her when I go over, maybe he will welcome me with open arms I don't know it's up to God really. I just have to wait and see what happens I guess but know this which you already know I love Clairissa and as much as it pains me to wait I will not give up ever. Besides church is good I love it, schools going well I'm passing, my movie is going to be awesome and above anything and everything God will always and has always had my back.

Quote: "Always hope for the best but know that the worst migth be coming."

RPG