(no subject)
Often, when life's grievances include several essays only half-done, exams looming, and boredom in lessons, one reverts to a gloomy outlook on life, or a determination to face up to the challenges that one is facing. Penny, Jenny, Charlotte, and I do none of these things, it would appear. Instead, we turn English revision into something unusual, something creative, something... entirely horrific.
My good friends, I would like to present a short section of...
Wuthering Heights: The Musical
I feel, at this point, I must extend my humblest apologies to Emily Bronte, who is, I have no doubt, about to do somersaults in her grave.
Scene Three: Nelly reminisces about her early days at Wuthering Heights, as Lockwood listens avidly
Nelly (to the tune of American Pie):
A long, long time ago,
I can still remember,
When Heathcliff joined the family...
If Hindley'd only had his chance,
Heathcliff would be out on his arse,
But Mr. Earnshaw said it weren't to be...
Oh, that Heathcliff made me shiver,
With every curse that he'd deliver,
He's bad news on our doorstep, I could see...
I can't remember if I cried,
The day that Earnshaw went and died,
Heathcliff and Cathy were allied,
The day... Mr. Earn... shaw died.
And Heathcliff started singing...
(Heathcliff pops up from behind haystack, clutching a guitar, and sings the chorus:)
Bye, bye, to my comfortable days,
Now I'm working in the stable, and that's where I will stay!
I'll have my revenge, I know that I'll find a way,
For me and Cath-ee to be together,
As shown by pathetic fallacy in the weather!
(Yes, we know that the last line doesn't fit. You try fitting the words 'pathetic fallacy' into any song.
...And that's only one song. We have eleven more. It's quite something to hear Heathcliff perform Tragedy by The Bee Gees, or Cathy and Edgar duet to Summer Loving (reworked as High-Class Loving ("It's high-class loving, it''s not degredation...") from Grease.
May Miss Bronte forgive us.