(no subject)
ick sometimes boys make me sick. it's not even anything really, but i just miss mike and i just feel like i've just been giving and giving lately and not receiving a thing.
he called me tonight and we talked for about 10 minutes. before he left i told him how i hate when he jokes when he's gone and says "i'm not coming home" cuz it hurts my feelings...so today he said "i'm supposed to tell u i'm not coming home" so i laughed and was like "i told u NOT to say that" and he said "oops, i mixed that up" so we were just joking around. so we hung up and he said he missed me and loves me but he just sounded like he was saying it to make me happy.
it's not even the convo tonight. it's just been how the last month and a half have been completely about him. every time we go to dinner or do ANYTHING it was about getting stuff for his hunting trip or something. and if WE weren't doing something for his hunting trip, HE was doing something for it and i was waiting at his house. he tells me all the time how he loves me and stuff, but he never does anything. i'm always bringing him things i bake, or pics of us, or doing his laundry, or taking stuff to his realtor, or his mom, or to township people, or picking things up in town for him. and thinking back these last 6 weeks or so, all he's done for me is pay for like 2 meals of chinese and one red lobster (that we only went to kzoo for for him to buy hunting clothes at gander mountain). i just feel like he's been really selfish lately and i just follow him around everywhere and he's taking me for granted.
so when we were talking tonight i mentioned how after church on sunday my grandpa gets to burn the mortgage papers or something at the big dinner cuz he was the one that basically planned the whole church and stuff, and that's something really important to me..and he informed me that he might not be able to make it cuz he has to gut the deers at his friends house.
and the other thing that really upsets me...he mentioned last week that he doesn't think we should take a vacation this year cuz we can't afford it...adn then seconds later says he's gonna go out to colorado and hunt for moose...which costs 1000 dollars for the FREAKING LICENSE only...not all the other costs. so he can afford that (and still go to deer camp in the U.P) but he can't spend any money to do something special with me. that just really hurts me and i resent him for that. he said last week that he's sorry for not spending much time with me and that i'm his top priority, but where in this all does that show??????????
so then today he mentioned it was good that i was gonna be making money this week cuz he wasn't...so he said "well it's my vacation time" and i joked around and said "when do i get mine?" and he said "u don't get one...you're still in school" but i freakin spend way more time on shit than anyone who works does. cuz not only do i spend close to 30 hours a week AT school, i have to work 16 hours a week...and then study every day as well. so i deserve a vacation more than he does! so that just pissed me off that he doesn't appreciate all the shit that i do and how stressful it is for me.
i just am afraid that he's gonna come home late saturday night and i'm just gonna be mad at him cuz i resent him for this stuff. and i know he won't even understand because he's just gonna think of himself and think that i'm just trying to ruin his fun by saying i don't really want him to go to colorado when he can't afford to do anything with me.
i'm sure i'm overreacting, but i'm just tired of being put off all the time and taken advantage of...
he called me tonight and we talked for about 10 minutes. before he left i told him how i hate when he jokes when he's gone and says "i'm not coming home" cuz it hurts my feelings...so today he said "i'm supposed to tell u i'm not coming home" so i laughed and was like "i told u NOT to say that" and he said "oops, i mixed that up" so we were just joking around. so we hung up and he said he missed me and loves me but he just sounded like he was saying it to make me happy.
it's not even the convo tonight. it's just been how the last month and a half have been completely about him. every time we go to dinner or do ANYTHING it was about getting stuff for his hunting trip or something. and if WE weren't doing something for his hunting trip, HE was doing something for it and i was waiting at his house. he tells me all the time how he loves me and stuff, but he never does anything. i'm always bringing him things i bake, or pics of us, or doing his laundry, or taking stuff to his realtor, or his mom, or to township people, or picking things up in town for him. and thinking back these last 6 weeks or so, all he's done for me is pay for like 2 meals of chinese and one red lobster (that we only went to kzoo for for him to buy hunting clothes at gander mountain). i just feel like he's been really selfish lately and i just follow him around everywhere and he's taking me for granted.
so when we were talking tonight i mentioned how after church on sunday my grandpa gets to burn the mortgage papers or something at the big dinner cuz he was the one that basically planned the whole church and stuff, and that's something really important to me..and he informed me that he might not be able to make it cuz he has to gut the deers at his friends house.
and the other thing that really upsets me...he mentioned last week that he doesn't think we should take a vacation this year cuz we can't afford it...adn then seconds later says he's gonna go out to colorado and hunt for moose...which costs 1000 dollars for the FREAKING LICENSE only...not all the other costs. so he can afford that (and still go to deer camp in the U.P) but he can't spend any money to do something special with me. that just really hurts me and i resent him for that. he said last week that he's sorry for not spending much time with me and that i'm his top priority, but where in this all does that show??????????
so then today he mentioned it was good that i was gonna be making money this week cuz he wasn't...so he said "well it's my vacation time" and i joked around and said "when do i get mine?" and he said "u don't get one...you're still in school" but i freakin spend way more time on shit than anyone who works does. cuz not only do i spend close to 30 hours a week AT school, i have to work 16 hours a week...and then study every day as well. so i deserve a vacation more than he does! so that just pissed me off that he doesn't appreciate all the shit that i do and how stressful it is for me.
i just am afraid that he's gonna come home late saturday night and i'm just gonna be mad at him cuz i resent him for this stuff. and i know he won't even understand because he's just gonna think of himself and think that i'm just trying to ruin his fun by saying i don't really want him to go to colorado when he can't afford to do anything with me.
i'm sure i'm overreacting, but i'm just tired of being put off all the time and taken advantage of...