top spin!!
tennis was great tonight. one of the assistant pros, Nathan, taught the class because Hunter was out of town, and I really liked him. First off he must be about 22, second he's smokin HOT, and third he finally gave a good explanation for how to produce consistent top spin shots. so, aside from the fact that the thermostat registered 87 degrees for the indoor courts, class was fantastic. one advantage to playing tennis in a sauna-like atmosphere is that you can sweat out a weeks worth of toxins in 45 minutes.
my mind wandered a lot today. i thought a lot about smith, wondering what all my friends were doing today. and i worried about my mom a bit, hoping she's being healthy. sigh. i wonder what my life would be like if i didn't obsessively worry about my mom's weight. i really have no idea why i've taken it so hard. i guess it because she always says things like "i wish my mom had been around longer, she would have loved to get to know you and eli" and i start to hope like hell i never have to say that to my kids. fuck. i really don't know what i'd do without her. i think i would start to cry and never stop. and i hate that i even think about it. i don't think most other people my age think about their parent's longevity. i'm a bit selfish, wanting her to get healthier so i can have her in my life a whole lot longer. really i just want her weight to stop being one of the central parts of our relationship. i don't want it to dictate what we can and can't do. i don't want to see that look in her eyes anymore. i don't want to feel like the food police. sometimes i wish people didn't have bodies. wouldn't it be better if we were all just voices, minds, and spirits. no body image problems, no diseases, no paralysis, no expensive clothes... i'd be sad to give up sushi and ice cream, but hell, as long as we're talking sci-fi we can just invent "mind food."
my mind wandered a lot today. i thought a lot about smith, wondering what all my friends were doing today. and i worried about my mom a bit, hoping she's being healthy. sigh. i wonder what my life would be like if i didn't obsessively worry about my mom's weight. i really have no idea why i've taken it so hard. i guess it because she always says things like "i wish my mom had been around longer, she would have loved to get to know you and eli" and i start to hope like hell i never have to say that to my kids. fuck. i really don't know what i'd do without her. i think i would start to cry and never stop. and i hate that i even think about it. i don't think most other people my age think about their parent's longevity. i'm a bit selfish, wanting her to get healthier so i can have her in my life a whole lot longer. really i just want her weight to stop being one of the central parts of our relationship. i don't want it to dictate what we can and can't do. i don't want to see that look in her eyes anymore. i don't want to feel like the food police. sometimes i wish people didn't have bodies. wouldn't it be better if we were all just voices, minds, and spirits. no body image problems, no diseases, no paralysis, no expensive clothes... i'd be sad to give up sushi and ice cream, but hell, as long as we're talking sci-fi we can just invent "mind food."