Weird thought...
First of all, figures, Felix Mendelssohn has me taking back my "I don't care much for piano music" speech... Although, it must be said, I'm in quite the odd mood, so maybe it's more that.
But the music really helped me get over a bout of listlessness and "depression" I had going on there, which is really quite a feat, so for that I'm grateful. I don't exactly know what it was about the music either, but it calmed me down and got me to realize a lot of what I'm getting worked up about it total nonsense. I need that kick a bit, since as, at least some of, you know how insecure I can be.
Quite amazed that it'd be something like piano music to get me out of there....
... Another "then again" though, I also spent the time before hand listening to Felix's final string quartet which is a really really good piece for being emo with, so it was possibly more just a nice breath of fresh air from that. ;)
I am cursing that I don't know what piece it was, though. One of the songs without words. Yeah that'll help.
ANYWAY THOUGH I actually had a point to this journal entry besides just how amazing I think Felix is...
...
Actually no, the rest of it also has to do with it but in a different tone.
As... I'm going out here on a limb and assuming all of you know, I have this comic going about Felix Mendelssohn and his life and that stuff. I guess a negative aspect to what I just experienced was it, once again, showed me how... Utterly obsessed I am with Felix Mendelssohn but also how brilliant he is. Okay those two things kind of go hand in hand... But anyway, I'm beginning to have... doubts I guess one could say.
... Or, as I so nicely put it:
"Felix is way too amazing for me to be making a comic about him and I'll never be able to do him justice"
Now, before anyone thinks lil ol' me is taking herself way too seriously and/or thinking her comic is more important than it actually is, hear me out.
I know, (or I at least hope ;)), no one is going to take my comic seriously nor will it have any impact on anyone or thing what so ever, that's not my problem. Nor is the fact that I'm possibly picking fun of Felix and his family and friends in any way the problem. I obviously don't care much about that. Though, part of it definitely has to do with the there are a lot of very serious, sad, tragic, and touchy subjects in Felix's life that first of all I don't want to leave out and second I can't really leave out anyway. This goes, in some cases, actually beyond just Fanny's death.
I don't feel that I can do some of those things that I'd have to do(and, again, want to do), and that is a scary thought.
And the other part is just... I don't know if I can do the good parts justice. I don't know if I can get across the parts that make me like Felix so much, or even at least a little bit. I don't know if I can be serious enough to do that... If any of the nonsense I'm saying makes even the tiniest bit of sense to anyone anymore.
Again, this uhh "doubt" has nothing to do with Felix or feeling like I need to make it the best or need to make it good for other people. I think for the most part I've given up on the last two with comic making. Trying that only ended up in me getting a couple of ideas that I later ditched.
It's... Just really really hard to explain.
Sorry for my rambling, it's kind of late and I am in an, as before mentioned, rather odd mood. Forgive me.
Also: IT'S ALL FELIX'S FAULT.
EDIT: Before anyone gets the bright idea, this does NOT in ANY WAY WHAT SO EVER mean I plan on dropping the comic. At all. Not a chance. In 'ell. <3
But the music really helped me get over a bout of listlessness and "depression" I had going on there, which is really quite a feat, so for that I'm grateful. I don't exactly know what it was about the music either, but it calmed me down and got me to realize a lot of what I'm getting worked up about it total nonsense. I need that kick a bit, since as, at least some of, you know how insecure I can be.
Quite amazed that it'd be something like piano music to get me out of there....
... Another "then again" though, I also spent the time before hand listening to Felix's final string quartet which is a really really good piece for being emo with, so it was possibly more just a nice breath of fresh air from that. ;)
I am cursing that I don't know what piece it was, though. One of the songs without words. Yeah that'll help.
ANYWAY THOUGH I actually had a point to this journal entry besides just how amazing I think Felix is...
...
Actually no, the rest of it also has to do with it but in a different tone.
As... I'm going out here on a limb and assuming all of you know, I have this comic going about Felix Mendelssohn and his life and that stuff. I guess a negative aspect to what I just experienced was it, once again, showed me how... Utterly obsessed I am with Felix Mendelssohn but also how brilliant he is. Okay those two things kind of go hand in hand... But anyway, I'm beginning to have... doubts I guess one could say.
... Or, as I so nicely put it:
"Felix is way too amazing for me to be making a comic about him and I'll never be able to do him justice"
Now, before anyone thinks lil ol' me is taking herself way too seriously and/or thinking her comic is more important than it actually is, hear me out.
I know, (or I at least hope ;)), no one is going to take my comic seriously nor will it have any impact on anyone or thing what so ever, that's not my problem. Nor is the fact that I'm possibly picking fun of Felix and his family and friends in any way the problem. I obviously don't care much about that. Though, part of it definitely has to do with the there are a lot of very serious, sad, tragic, and touchy subjects in Felix's life that first of all I don't want to leave out and second I can't really leave out anyway. This goes, in some cases, actually beyond just Fanny's death.
I don't feel that I can do some of those things that I'd have to do(and, again, want to do), and that is a scary thought.
And the other part is just... I don't know if I can do the good parts justice. I don't know if I can get across the parts that make me like Felix so much, or even at least a little bit. I don't know if I can be serious enough to do that... If any of the nonsense I'm saying makes even the tiniest bit of sense to anyone anymore.
Again, this uhh "doubt" has nothing to do with Felix or feeling like I need to make it the best or need to make it good for other people. I think for the most part I've given up on the last two with comic making. Trying that only ended up in me getting a couple of ideas that I later ditched.
It's... Just really really hard to explain.
Sorry for my rambling, it's kind of late and I am in an, as before mentioned, rather odd mood. Forgive me.
Also: IT'S ALL FELIX'S FAULT.
EDIT: Before anyone gets the bright idea, this does NOT in ANY WAY WHAT SO EVER mean I plan on dropping the comic. At all. Not a chance. In 'ell. <3