career choices
The Big "C" Words... Change and Committment... Yikes!
I'm currently reading a book about career changes. I've decided that I'm tired of walking through life dispassionately and working meaningless jobs that do not fit my personality and values. For some people, a job is a job; it’s what you do to earn a living. A job is the 40% of your life that pays for the remaining 60%. You put your nose to the grindstone and simply do it. Then you use the income from the 40% as a means to enjoy the other 60%. For some people, this is ok. This works.
For me, it's not enough. I need to love what I do. I need meaning and purpose and passion. A job cannot simply be a job, or I will groan myself out of bed every morning and shuffle through the day with my head in a zombie-like haze. This is not a way to live. I'm not one of those people can be happy with a typical 9-to-5 job, climbing up a corporate ladder, unless I feel like what I do ultimately has purpose and meaning in the lives of others. I wish I was satisfied working in corporate America. My life would be so much easier. I would be happier, less confused and frustrated. I don’t need obscene amounts of money or success. I don’t want recognition or fame. But what I do need is purpose. If I can find purpose in what I do, even if it’s scrubbing floors, I can do it with a joyful heart. What I do must come out of who I am.
I admire my parents for being able to view work simply as work. They worked hard to support my brother and me. I'm grateful for their selflessness. As a result of their loving diligence, they have given their children the opportunity to pursue a career that is more than just hard work. One of the greatest gifts my parents have given me is options. I'm going to make the best of the life they’ve worked so hard to give me, and I’m going to start from scratch. If that means I'm going to go back to school to get a degree in entomology so I can study ants in South Africa, then I'm going for it. If it means I have to work at Peet's Coffee for 10 years to hone my palate so I can be a professional coffee taster, I'll do it. I'm tired of half-living. I’m frustrated and unsatisfied. And it’s a good place to be. Frustration breeds action.
I believe that personalities of humans are approximately 50% genetic (nature) and 50% environmental (nurture). If you study newborn babies, you'll find that they are born with natural tendencies. Some are fussier at birth. Others are calmer. Some cry often. Others quietly examine the world around them. Some babies don't mind being held by many strangers. Others only feel comfortable in the arms of their mothers. In my case, as much as I dislike it, I'm naturally an introvert. As early as I can remember, I’ve been introverted. I've taken test after test of personality surveys and no matter how much I try to spin the answers, I'm probably the biggest introvert I know. Now, this doesn't mean that I'm awkwardly shy and I like to sit at home behind a computer screen pushing glasses up my nose while playing World of Warcraft until 4am. Being shy and being introverted are two very different things. For me, being introverted simply means that I'm very reflective and I need a lot of time alone to recharge my batteries (large crowds drain me). I don't like to be the center of attention and I need to pause for a moment to think before I speak. I often ponder things and enjoy living inside the world of ideas in my head. While getting to know people, I take my time. You’ll probably find me with my office door closed rather than open. But when I'm with a small group of friends that I know well, you probably won't get me to stop talking.
Another personality trait of mine is that I am naturally free-spirited. I'd say I'm exploratory, and curious (others would prefer to mention disorganized, noncommittal, and indecisive). I like to leave my options open-ended rather than tying things up neatly. My room is a mess even though I know where everything is (ordered chaos). I procrastinate, but when I do put myself to work, I am persistent and diligent, especially when I believe in what I’m doing. I dislike following schedules. I’m super spontaneous and naturally resourceful (especially when it comes to figuring stuff out last minute), but I need help managing my checkbook. I have a planner that I keep in my purse, but most of the time I completely forget to use it. When I do, it’s more of an address book than a daytimer.
In the past, I've always been resentful of my personality type. I hate being introverted. Often I still wish that I was the outgoing, gregarious, life-of-the-party type that easily befriends everyone. I wish I enjoyed schmoozing and networking. During college, I even attempted to fit the part by forcing myself to talk to people at parties and clubs. None of it was really me. In reality, I'd prefer a night alone with a close friend watching a movie and having awesome conversation. I also hate being disorganized. Sometimes I frustrate myself with my lack of discipline. I’ve tried to set goals, deadlines, budgets, and schedules. Most attempts fail miserably. They only cause me to feel suffocated and rigid.
I’ve spent years trying to wrestle and change the person that I naturally am. But ever since God has begun to show me who He created me to be, I’ve been learning to accept and love the Kelly He formed in my mother’s womb. I realize that I will probably never be the social butterfly I once thought I was, but I can be a pretty good listener. And even though I’m frustratingly indecisive, I’m also really flexible and that’s a pretty good trait. Sure, both qualities have their weaknesses. As long as I know this and allow myself room to grow and become well-rounded, I can enjoy my God-given personality traits. I am who I am, and I’m sick of fighting who God created me to be. Instead of trying to change my natural tendencies, I’m going to embrace myself, flaws and all, and find a career that suits me. I’m sure God created me just as I am with His perfect purpose in mind. Now I just have to discover what that purpose is.
Now, I am actually making a decision to make a decision to change my career path. This is probably the first major decision that my commitment-phobic arse has committed to. Next the hard part: finding and making the right career choice and devising a plan I will actually follow to achieve it (I am so not a planner *sigh*).
You know... if I could only figure out what I want to do with my life... I'd really become a career counselor...
I'm currently reading a book about career changes. I've decided that I'm tired of walking through life dispassionately and working meaningless jobs that do not fit my personality and values. For some people, a job is a job; it’s what you do to earn a living. A job is the 40% of your life that pays for the remaining 60%. You put your nose to the grindstone and simply do it. Then you use the income from the 40% as a means to enjoy the other 60%. For some people, this is ok. This works.
For me, it's not enough. I need to love what I do. I need meaning and purpose and passion. A job cannot simply be a job, or I will groan myself out of bed every morning and shuffle through the day with my head in a zombie-like haze. This is not a way to live. I'm not one of those people can be happy with a typical 9-to-5 job, climbing up a corporate ladder, unless I feel like what I do ultimately has purpose and meaning in the lives of others. I wish I was satisfied working in corporate America. My life would be so much easier. I would be happier, less confused and frustrated. I don’t need obscene amounts of money or success. I don’t want recognition or fame. But what I do need is purpose. If I can find purpose in what I do, even if it’s scrubbing floors, I can do it with a joyful heart. What I do must come out of who I am.
I admire my parents for being able to view work simply as work. They worked hard to support my brother and me. I'm grateful for their selflessness. As a result of their loving diligence, they have given their children the opportunity to pursue a career that is more than just hard work. One of the greatest gifts my parents have given me is options. I'm going to make the best of the life they’ve worked so hard to give me, and I’m going to start from scratch. If that means I'm going to go back to school to get a degree in entomology so I can study ants in South Africa, then I'm going for it. If it means I have to work at Peet's Coffee for 10 years to hone my palate so I can be a professional coffee taster, I'll do it. I'm tired of half-living. I’m frustrated and unsatisfied. And it’s a good place to be. Frustration breeds action.
I believe that personalities of humans are approximately 50% genetic (nature) and 50% environmental (nurture). If you study newborn babies, you'll find that they are born with natural tendencies. Some are fussier at birth. Others are calmer. Some cry often. Others quietly examine the world around them. Some babies don't mind being held by many strangers. Others only feel comfortable in the arms of their mothers. In my case, as much as I dislike it, I'm naturally an introvert. As early as I can remember, I’ve been introverted. I've taken test after test of personality surveys and no matter how much I try to spin the answers, I'm probably the biggest introvert I know. Now, this doesn't mean that I'm awkwardly shy and I like to sit at home behind a computer screen pushing glasses up my nose while playing World of Warcraft until 4am. Being shy and being introverted are two very different things. For me, being introverted simply means that I'm very reflective and I need a lot of time alone to recharge my batteries (large crowds drain me). I don't like to be the center of attention and I need to pause for a moment to think before I speak. I often ponder things and enjoy living inside the world of ideas in my head. While getting to know people, I take my time. You’ll probably find me with my office door closed rather than open. But when I'm with a small group of friends that I know well, you probably won't get me to stop talking.
Another personality trait of mine is that I am naturally free-spirited. I'd say I'm exploratory, and curious (others would prefer to mention disorganized, noncommittal, and indecisive). I like to leave my options open-ended rather than tying things up neatly. My room is a mess even though I know where everything is (ordered chaos). I procrastinate, but when I do put myself to work, I am persistent and diligent, especially when I believe in what I’m doing. I dislike following schedules. I’m super spontaneous and naturally resourceful (especially when it comes to figuring stuff out last minute), but I need help managing my checkbook. I have a planner that I keep in my purse, but most of the time I completely forget to use it. When I do, it’s more of an address book than a daytimer.
In the past, I've always been resentful of my personality type. I hate being introverted. Often I still wish that I was the outgoing, gregarious, life-of-the-party type that easily befriends everyone. I wish I enjoyed schmoozing and networking. During college, I even attempted to fit the part by forcing myself to talk to people at parties and clubs. None of it was really me. In reality, I'd prefer a night alone with a close friend watching a movie and having awesome conversation. I also hate being disorganized. Sometimes I frustrate myself with my lack of discipline. I’ve tried to set goals, deadlines, budgets, and schedules. Most attempts fail miserably. They only cause me to feel suffocated and rigid.
I’ve spent years trying to wrestle and change the person that I naturally am. But ever since God has begun to show me who He created me to be, I’ve been learning to accept and love the Kelly He formed in my mother’s womb. I realize that I will probably never be the social butterfly I once thought I was, but I can be a pretty good listener. And even though I’m frustratingly indecisive, I’m also really flexible and that’s a pretty good trait. Sure, both qualities have their weaknesses. As long as I know this and allow myself room to grow and become well-rounded, I can enjoy my God-given personality traits. I am who I am, and I’m sick of fighting who God created me to be. Instead of trying to change my natural tendencies, I’m going to embrace myself, flaws and all, and find a career that suits me. I’m sure God created me just as I am with His perfect purpose in mind. Now I just have to discover what that purpose is.
Now, I am actually making a decision to make a decision to change my career path. This is probably the first major decision that my commitment-phobic arse has committed to. Next the hard part: finding and making the right career choice and devising a plan I will actually follow to achieve it (I am so not a planner *sigh*).
You know... if I could only figure out what I want to do with my life... I'd really become a career counselor...