Musing on 'The Point Of It All'
The song by Amanda Palmer, that is, rather than The Greater Meaning Of Life.
WARNING: This post is my personal musings on a song that touched me. I am aware that, to some, this may come off a little pretentious, so to those amoung you disdainful of such things? Might want to give this one a miss.
So. As I was saying.
A post from Amanda on Twitter recently had me digging out my copy of Who Killed Amanda Palmer, and I rapidly remembered why it was missing from my day to day playlist. Not because the songs aren't excellent. Rather because they take a bloody great meat-tenderiser to my psyche. This is true of several of the tracks, 'What's the Use of Wonderin' and 'It Runs in the Family' also being close to the top of the list. However, of the whole album, the song that utterly ruins me is without a doubt 'The Point Of It All'.
There may be interviews somewhere with Amanda and the Dresden Dolls which talk about their intended meaning behind this song, but I have not been able to find them, so what follows is my own interpretation of 5:33 of heartbreak and may not be accurate to the original message.
The most emotional part (again: to me) is the conflict. What I hear in The Point is the carer of a deeply emotionally scarred, or potentially mentally retarded relation ('no one can stare at the wall as good as you, my babydoll') struggling with the weight of the burden of a dependant. The classic line, "He ain't heavy, he's my brother" is a lie really - the love we hold for elderly or sick relatives doesn't make the burden of caring for them weightless, rather makes it that we shoulder it gladly and willingly. Many a person with a good heart is crushed under that weight. In The Point, the carer seems to be reaching breaking point. The love is clear, but so is the guilt of feeling it get harder and harder to think of this person you love as a person at all as their faculties and personality drain away ('you're almost human after all').
While his ('his' because in my head it's a younger brother) carer tries to do her best to make a good life for him, those attempts are sabotaged by her own awkward distance. It is fine to take him to a retreat, but yes, you leave him alone there all that happens is he retreats into himself as completely as ever he did in a tiny lonely apartment ('But a couple weeks later we came back and you and the chair were nowhere to be seen. You had magically moved to the closet, eyes fixed to the place where the dryer had been'). It is clear from the "brother"s miserably failed attempts at friendships that he is aware enough to crave human closeness, even if he doesn't have the comprehension to really understand how empty these friendships are ('And you're learning that just 'cause they call themselves friends, doesn't meant they'll call').
The hopelessness of the song, largely conveyed by Amanda's cracking vocals, feels like that mix of misery and guilt of a caring family member drowning in guilt watching as someone she cares for - or feels she SHOULD care for but starts to wonder if she doesn't as much as she should - gets further degraded by neglect, casual cruelty and occasional outright brutality ('I'm not sure what they were talking about, but they sure made a mess of your face'), knowing she could do more to stop it but too drained of emotional energy.
As I say, no idea if any of that is 'right' but - well. One person's experience :) Share your own? Also, metaphor is not my strongest suit, which is why I've not commented on the repeated quilt /sewing image. Anyone else's take would be interesting.
Click to viewWARNING: This post is my personal musings on a song that touched me. I am aware that, to some, this may come off a little pretentious, so to those amoung you disdainful of such things? Might want to give this one a miss.
So. As I was saying.
A post from Amanda on Twitter recently had me digging out my copy of Who Killed Amanda Palmer, and I rapidly remembered why it was missing from my day to day playlist. Not because the songs aren't excellent. Rather because they take a bloody great meat-tenderiser to my psyche. This is true of several of the tracks, 'What's the Use of Wonderin' and 'It Runs in the Family' also being close to the top of the list. However, of the whole album, the song that utterly ruins me is without a doubt 'The Point Of It All'.
There may be interviews somewhere with Amanda and the Dresden Dolls which talk about their intended meaning behind this song, but I have not been able to find them, so what follows is my own interpretation of 5:33 of heartbreak and may not be accurate to the original message.
The most emotional part (again: to me) is the conflict. What I hear in The Point is the carer of a deeply emotionally scarred, or potentially mentally retarded relation ('no one can stare at the wall as good as you, my babydoll') struggling with the weight of the burden of a dependant. The classic line, "He ain't heavy, he's my brother" is a lie really - the love we hold for elderly or sick relatives doesn't make the burden of caring for them weightless, rather makes it that we shoulder it gladly and willingly. Many a person with a good heart is crushed under that weight. In The Point, the carer seems to be reaching breaking point. The love is clear, but so is the guilt of feeling it get harder and harder to think of this person you love as a person at all as their faculties and personality drain away ('you're almost human after all').
While his ('his' because in my head it's a younger brother) carer tries to do her best to make a good life for him, those attempts are sabotaged by her own awkward distance. It is fine to take him to a retreat, but yes, you leave him alone there all that happens is he retreats into himself as completely as ever he did in a tiny lonely apartment ('But a couple weeks later we came back and you and the chair were nowhere to be seen. You had magically moved to the closet, eyes fixed to the place where the dryer had been'). It is clear from the "brother"s miserably failed attempts at friendships that he is aware enough to crave human closeness, even if he doesn't have the comprehension to really understand how empty these friendships are ('And you're learning that just 'cause they call themselves friends, doesn't meant they'll call').
The hopelessness of the song, largely conveyed by Amanda's cracking vocals, feels like that mix of misery and guilt of a caring family member drowning in guilt watching as someone she cares for - or feels she SHOULD care for but starts to wonder if she doesn't as much as she should - gets further degraded by neglect, casual cruelty and occasional outright brutality ('I'm not sure what they were talking about, but they sure made a mess of your face'), knowing she could do more to stop it but too drained of emotional energy.
As I say, no idea if any of that is 'right' but - well. One person's experience :) Share your own? Also, metaphor is not my strongest suit, which is why I've not commented on the repeated quilt /sewing image. Anyone else's take would be interesting.