Things I Want To Say To You But Can't Because We're Not Speaking Right Now.docx
"I’m trying not to sit here and tell you that my hair smells like mint chocolate chip because I’m fresh out of the shower and I wish you were here to smell it and tell me it smells good and we’d laugh about how we smell each other and that one time you ate a burrito off my belly and how often we say, “Remember that time you ate a burrito off me?” But I guess I just told you that. Sometimes remembering things isn’t all that bad. Some things are just really, really worth remembering. We can make each other so happy, and I never want to forget that."
"Sometimes I lay in my bed when it rains and listen to Bon Iver and think of looking at your birthday poster while you slept beside me and remember how it felt to clutch you to me and I want to go back there and feel it all again. I want it back and I want to hold you to me and say, right up against your skin, every inch, that this is real, it's real, it's real, we're real, we're still real."
"I like to think on my runs. And for the past few days, I keep thinking about this thing- today on my run I kept thinking about how I would word it here. I don’t think I’ll ever give this to you, but sometimes it’s nice to think about it myself:
I really can’t think of anything better than the way I love you and how it makes me want to be a better person. The way it feels to love anyone and want to be a better person for that. I genuinely want to grow for you, be deeper and more forgiving- more on fire, but with more of those heavy summer rains, too. I want to be happier for you. I love you so dearly. I want us to be able to celebrate becoming together, each of us becoming the person we want to be- not just for the other solely, but because we love and support each other and allow each other to strive for what’s best. I want to be the best best friend you’ll ever have- I want you to find everything you could ever need in me, even though you already have it in yourself and only need me because I help you make yourself better. You can do it yourself but I can help. I’m always there for you, even when making yourself better sucks and you want to complain to me about it- our everyday lives, that’s what they consist of, slowly learning and making mistakes and growing into better people for them and when we’re there for each other through that, that’s what this is. That’s what this constant is. That’s what this friendship is. That’s what this love is."
"I don’t want to be sad about this anymore. I don’t want to start crying in random places- including class, good job me- anymore. I don’t want to be jealous when I think of you taking Vero’s smoke into your mouth and becoming and laughing with your eyes closed and singing along all summer without me. I just- I want to be so much better for you. Don’t you want that? I want that. Not to make you fall in love with me, but because that’s what our relationship deserves: my best self. My deepest, most forgiving, most on fire and thunderous and happiest. I just want to be for you."
"I want to talk to you so badly. So badly. I miss you like fucking crazy. Come home, come home, come home."
"Sometimes I lay in my bed when it rains and listen to Bon Iver and think of looking at your birthday poster while you slept beside me and remember how it felt to clutch you to me and I want to go back there and feel it all again. I want it back and I want to hold you to me and say, right up against your skin, every inch, that this is real, it's real, it's real, we're real, we're still real."
"I like to think on my runs. And for the past few days, I keep thinking about this thing- today on my run I kept thinking about how I would word it here. I don’t think I’ll ever give this to you, but sometimes it’s nice to think about it myself:
I really can’t think of anything better than the way I love you and how it makes me want to be a better person. The way it feels to love anyone and want to be a better person for that. I genuinely want to grow for you, be deeper and more forgiving- more on fire, but with more of those heavy summer rains, too. I want to be happier for you. I love you so dearly. I want us to be able to celebrate becoming together, each of us becoming the person we want to be- not just for the other solely, but because we love and support each other and allow each other to strive for what’s best. I want to be the best best friend you’ll ever have- I want you to find everything you could ever need in me, even though you already have it in yourself and only need me because I help you make yourself better. You can do it yourself but I can help. I’m always there for you, even when making yourself better sucks and you want to complain to me about it- our everyday lives, that’s what they consist of, slowly learning and making mistakes and growing into better people for them and when we’re there for each other through that, that’s what this is. That’s what this constant is. That’s what this friendship is. That’s what this love is."
"I don’t want to be sad about this anymore. I don’t want to start crying in random places- including class, good job me- anymore. I don’t want to be jealous when I think of you taking Vero’s smoke into your mouth and becoming and laughing with your eyes closed and singing along all summer without me. I just- I want to be so much better for you. Don’t you want that? I want that. Not to make you fall in love with me, but because that’s what our relationship deserves: my best self. My deepest, most forgiving, most on fire and thunderous and happiest. I just want to be for you."
"I want to talk to you so badly. So badly. I miss you like fucking crazy. Come home, come home, come home."