Here you go, LJ.
Beware this pissy rant.
1. There is no need to be an asshole to me, Mr. Customer, when I have nothing to do with your problem. When you overdraw your account, it has nothing to do with me. You simply spent too much money. I cannot control this. Suck it up like a man, and stop beating the poor person in front of you.
2. When you tell me you're going to close your account, it does not make me want to jump to the occassion and make shit right. It makes me want to say, "Sure, lets get that started for you." I don't even care if you have 800 checks out right now. I don't care if you haven't switched over your direct deposit. DO NOT MAKE A THREAT YOU DON'T WISH TO CARRY OUT. Futhermore, why would I want to help someone who isn't going to be my customer in about 45 seconds? It's not going to make me reverse your overdraft fees. I still will not cash your check. I still will not take your deposit 45 minutes before we open. I still will not override for you to cash a 14000 personal, out of state check drawn on some no name bank against your 2.47 account. Closing your account will only inconvenience you. I don't need to be abused daily. Go get some therapy and come back when you've completed anger management.
3. Just because your mother/brother/sister's cousins uncles brother's best friend's dad's cousin's stepfather twice removed is a regional manager in Vermont does not, REPEAT, does not entitle you to special treatment. Furthermore, you cannot cash a check against your sister's husband's dad's ex-wife's cousin twice removed's account. If we did that, that would mean that your hideous, money grubbing, thief of an ex wife could take all of your money out of your account. And no one wants that. Except her.
4. I realize that changes are frustrating. Hell, I have to use a flip chart to make heads or tails of your account. I'm coping. I understand that things are frustrating, but that does not give you an excuse to call me a whore/bitch/slut/cunt and threaten to beat me up in the parking lot. Seriously now, there's no reason to get THIS angry over something as silly as a funds availability policy that works IN YOUR FAVOR.
5. I understand that banking is a very hard industry to understand. You get a ledger. You keep a running balance. At the end of the month you overlook it and make sure you didn't mess up/the bank didn't mess it up. You don't write checks against money that you believe you will have in a week. You don't take money out at the casino because you think you can win it back. The ATM/teller system does not reflect other transactions you have done. Therefore, it is not the banks fault that you withdrew too much money and "the teller/atm let me." On the same token, 5 minutes later you gripe to me that the teller won't give you 800 dollars in cash against your 2.47 account. If she did, and the check bounced, you would blame it on me. Furthermore, if you do not open mail sent to you by us, it does not work when you claim to have never recieved it.
6. If you come in at 6:50, come in and tell me that you are PURPOSELY taking your time filling out a withdrawl slip, I will not be too pleased with you. If you so happen to be the same man that told me a month ago that looked like the piggy key chains and that you would make it up to me by ALLOWNG ME THE PRIVILEDGE TO BUY YOU DINNER, I'm already unhappy with you. Don't push your luck. The ATM may become your best friend. However irritating you are, you are now a funny anecdote for me to share with my friends about the worst.pickup.line.EVER.
7. What happened to personal responsibility? Wanting to improve your community? Scene actually observed today: I'm sitting outside basking in the sunlight. I watch a lady pull up into a parking space and nearly hit a cart. She pushes the cart out of her way (into another car, I may add), walks inside, and as I follow her inside, she grabs a cart from the carts in the vestibule. I walk over to get our mail 5 minutes later and THE SAME LADY is yelling at the service desk because the parking lot is full of carts.
True story.
I can't believe people.
1. There is no need to be an asshole to me, Mr. Customer, when I have nothing to do with your problem. When you overdraw your account, it has nothing to do with me. You simply spent too much money. I cannot control this. Suck it up like a man, and stop beating the poor person in front of you.
2. When you tell me you're going to close your account, it does not make me want to jump to the occassion and make shit right. It makes me want to say, "Sure, lets get that started for you." I don't even care if you have 800 checks out right now. I don't care if you haven't switched over your direct deposit. DO NOT MAKE A THREAT YOU DON'T WISH TO CARRY OUT. Futhermore, why would I want to help someone who isn't going to be my customer in about 45 seconds? It's not going to make me reverse your overdraft fees. I still will not cash your check. I still will not take your deposit 45 minutes before we open. I still will not override for you to cash a 14000 personal, out of state check drawn on some no name bank against your 2.47 account. Closing your account will only inconvenience you. I don't need to be abused daily. Go get some therapy and come back when you've completed anger management.
3. Just because your mother/brother/sister's cousins uncles brother's best friend's dad's cousin's stepfather twice removed is a regional manager in Vermont does not, REPEAT, does not entitle you to special treatment. Furthermore, you cannot cash a check against your sister's husband's dad's ex-wife's cousin twice removed's account. If we did that, that would mean that your hideous, money grubbing, thief of an ex wife could take all of your money out of your account. And no one wants that. Except her.
4. I realize that changes are frustrating. Hell, I have to use a flip chart to make heads or tails of your account. I'm coping. I understand that things are frustrating, but that does not give you an excuse to call me a whore/bitch/slut/cunt and threaten to beat me up in the parking lot. Seriously now, there's no reason to get THIS angry over something as silly as a funds availability policy that works IN YOUR FAVOR.
5. I understand that banking is a very hard industry to understand. You get a ledger. You keep a running balance. At the end of the month you overlook it and make sure you didn't mess up/the bank didn't mess it up. You don't write checks against money that you believe you will have in a week. You don't take money out at the casino because you think you can win it back. The ATM/teller system does not reflect other transactions you have done. Therefore, it is not the banks fault that you withdrew too much money and "the teller/atm let me." On the same token, 5 minutes later you gripe to me that the teller won't give you 800 dollars in cash against your 2.47 account. If she did, and the check bounced, you would blame it on me. Furthermore, if you do not open mail sent to you by us, it does not work when you claim to have never recieved it.
6. If you come in at 6:50, come in and tell me that you are PURPOSELY taking your time filling out a withdrawl slip, I will not be too pleased with you. If you so happen to be the same man that told me a month ago that looked like the piggy key chains and that you would make it up to me by ALLOWNG ME THE PRIVILEDGE TO BUY YOU DINNER, I'm already unhappy with you. Don't push your luck. The ATM may become your best friend. However irritating you are, you are now a funny anecdote for me to share with my friends about the worst.pickup.line.EVER.
7. What happened to personal responsibility? Wanting to improve your community? Scene actually observed today: I'm sitting outside basking in the sunlight. I watch a lady pull up into a parking space and nearly hit a cart. She pushes the cart out of her way (into another car, I may add), walks inside, and as I follow her inside, she grabs a cart from the carts in the vestibule. I walk over to get our mail 5 minutes later and THE SAME LADY is yelling at the service desk because the parking lot is full of carts.
True story.
I can't believe people.