(no subject)
July has been a fucked up month.
in the beginning of the month i got my heart broken.
and in the end of the month i almost lost my brother.
my life is fucked up. today i went through something no one should ever have to go through. looking at my brother in a hospital with tubes everywhere and him strapped up so he cant move, crying. my 24 year old brother, crying. because he couldnt remember who his little sister was. i was there with him and he had no clue who i was. it broke my heart. and when the doctors told me he keeps trying to pull out his tubes and him almost dying, i lost it. what the fuck! seriously. i want goodness in my life. i want to be happpy. but everytime i think im going to be alright something happens. i dont think im ever suppose to be happy. i cant handle this.
letter to my brother
Bubby,
please please please please stay stong. dont give up. please dont leave mom, dad, and me. and please stop crying. youre breaking my heart. its okay you dont remember me right now. i dont hate you. its not your fault. maybe tomorrow you'll remember. its gonna be okay. i promise. i'll always love you no matter what. if you never ever remember me or eventually you finally do, you will always be my older brother. the brother that i love so fucking much. just dont leave us. stop pulling on those tubes the doctors are putting you on. those tubes are going to save you. so please bubby stop trying pull them out. i dont want you to go. im finally growing up and maturing. we can finally get along! we dont have to fight every second we talk. im sorry i yell at you and cuss at you and call you hurtful names, i promise i dont mean them. i just want you to do something good with your life. youre so talented and you have a big future ahead of you and i dont want you to screw up. i never reallly tell you i love you enough. but you know i have problems with telling people how i feel. but brandon i love you so much, im always going to be here for you. and i know you dont remember right now but everytime you got in trouble i always had your side even if it was your fault...i always stood up for you. and everytime you ask for money i always gave you it. you know why, because i love you. see you tomorrow. i hope you remember me then. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
love always,
your little firecracker
in the beginning of the month i got my heart broken.
and in the end of the month i almost lost my brother.
my life is fucked up. today i went through something no one should ever have to go through. looking at my brother in a hospital with tubes everywhere and him strapped up so he cant move, crying. my 24 year old brother, crying. because he couldnt remember who his little sister was. i was there with him and he had no clue who i was. it broke my heart. and when the doctors told me he keeps trying to pull out his tubes and him almost dying, i lost it. what the fuck! seriously. i want goodness in my life. i want to be happpy. but everytime i think im going to be alright something happens. i dont think im ever suppose to be happy. i cant handle this.
letter to my brother
Bubby,
please please please please stay stong. dont give up. please dont leave mom, dad, and me. and please stop crying. youre breaking my heart. its okay you dont remember me right now. i dont hate you. its not your fault. maybe tomorrow you'll remember. its gonna be okay. i promise. i'll always love you no matter what. if you never ever remember me or eventually you finally do, you will always be my older brother. the brother that i love so fucking much. just dont leave us. stop pulling on those tubes the doctors are putting you on. those tubes are going to save you. so please bubby stop trying pull them out. i dont want you to go. im finally growing up and maturing. we can finally get along! we dont have to fight every second we talk. im sorry i yell at you and cuss at you and call you hurtful names, i promise i dont mean them. i just want you to do something good with your life. youre so talented and you have a big future ahead of you and i dont want you to screw up. i never reallly tell you i love you enough. but you know i have problems with telling people how i feel. but brandon i love you so much, im always going to be here for you. and i know you dont remember right now but everytime you got in trouble i always had your side even if it was your fault...i always stood up for you. and everytime you ask for money i always gave you it. you know why, because i love you. see you tomorrow. i hope you remember me then. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
love always,
your little firecracker