(no subject)

[kalicogirl]

I wish I had the energy to just cry all my emotions out.
my eyes sting....holy shit why do they burn so bad? its like someone threw pepper in them. I feel numb aside from my burning eyes.

I've had a constant headache for two weeks. It hurts so bad that my ears will start ringing. perhaps I'm dying a very very slow death.

I've been lied to so many times in my life, that I never believe the truth anymore. I don't even believe it when I know damn well its the truth. I still question it.

I'm never going to heal.
I don't think its possible anymore.
I've tried for so long...I struggled and made my way past everything
I was sure that I was ok
that I was strong
that I was me again
but now I'm thrown a test...a test to see if I can function and I've failed.

I failed.

And now I hurt.
I hurt so bad that I just want to lie in bed and rot. I don't want to have to deal with everyday life...just lay there in my self loathing until I die.

Its like all the good I did for the past two years is gone and I'm back to square one.

Normally this is where I would fight like hell, and change something about my life, some drastic change that would make everything feel better and make me come out on top.

but I don't have the energy anymore.

I just don't.